What a week! After two weeks with only two teams scoring over 100, Week 6 delivers four teams scoring in triple digits along with Vandelay Industries' first victory!
The big congratulations this week go to Jamie and his Midnight Maulers! Jamie posted the highest score that we have seen all season (139 points), and did it with one of his best players, AJ Green, only scoring 3 points and one of his keepers, Frank Gore, only scoring 8. He had outstanding performances from Matt Stafford (36 pts), Chris Ivory (25 pts), the Philadelphia Defense (20 pts), Greg Olsen (19 pts), and even his kicker (Hauschka) rang up 14 points. But here is the most amazing thing about the Maulers this week, if Jamie could have had his optimal line-up in, he would have amassed 173 points which would be the highest total ever in Sacred Sundays’ history! Congratulations Jamie! That is just spectacular.
(If you are wondering, the highest score ever was recorded by Channel 4 News Team in Week 15 of 2013, when Timmy’s boys posted 149 points. I’m still waiting for that 150 point performance…)
In the league standings, the Coors Light Drunk Guys are now in the top spot with a record of 5-1, while Z German Overlords have slipped to the bottom with a record of 1-5. Should make for an interesting week of smack talk leading up to the "What Do You Know?!? Bowl" this week. Would have to say that the Drunk Guys are the favorites going in, but the Overlords might not be as bad as their record indicates. They have had the misfortune of having the 2nd most points scored against them so far this season. Now check this out, since 2007 the "What Do You Know?!? Bowl" series is tied at 6-6. Barring a playoff match-up, this is the only time they’ll face off this season, so the winner will hold the series advantage for a year! As Joe Biden would say, "This is a big f***ing deal!"
Just a quick update this week, so let's do this!
BIG TIME
-Matthew Stafford, QB - Midnight Maulers - 36 pts - Stafford finally came to life and put up 405 yards and 4 TD's with only one interception. His point total this week was higher than his last three weeks combined.
-Philip Rivers, QB - American BadAss - 31 pts - Rivers completed 43 passes on Sunday for 503 yards. Completed 43 passes because he attempted 65 passes in the game. I don't think Colin Kaepernick has attempted 65 passes this season and Rivers does it in one game?! Crazy!
-Devonta Freeman, RB - Coors Light Drunk Guys - 27 pts - The fantasy monster continues! Freeman averaged 7.7 yards per carry which was better than Matt Ryan's yards per pass attempt. And Freeman's 27-point day was his lowest, lowest!!, point total since Week 2.
-Andrew Luck, QB - Vandelay Industries -27 pts - Apparently the Colts felt that Luck's shoulder wasn't an issue, as they radioed in 50 passing plays against New England. He delivered by completing 30 of those passes for 312 yards and 3 TD's.
-DeAndre Hopkins, WR - Bubble Crap Bandits - 25 pts - Here is the most impressive stat for this guy... he has at least 10 targets in every game this season, and is on pace for 237 targets this year. Against the Jaguars he was pretty much unstoppable, racking up 148 yards and 2 TD's.
COME ON MAN
-Antonio Brown, WR - Scottish Rebels - 2 pts - Saw a great meme that had the caption "The only person capable of shutting down Antonio Brown" and it was a picture of Michael Vick. Pretty well sums it up.
-Tevin Coleman, RB - sprouts - 2 pts - Playing behind Freeman probably means Coleman isn't going to get a lot of opportunity, especially when he loses a fumble as he did this week.
-Eddie Lacy, RB - Z German Overlords - 1 pt. - Although he's not listed on the injury report, there is speculation that Lacy is nursing an ankle injury. He only carried the ball 4 times for 3 yards and caught 2 passes for 17 yards. So something ain't right...
-Josh Brown, K - Joe's Pats - 1 pt. - The Giants scored a touchdown early, then just laid down and went to sleep against Philly.
-Melvin Gordon, RB – Z German Overlords - 0 pts – You figure a team is going to run 75-80 plays in a game, and Rivers took up 65 of those with passing plays. So that left little room for Gordon, who only carried it 7 times and lost a fumble.
ESOTERIC JOKE OF THE WEEK
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
DEFENSE (clap, clap) DEFENSE (clap, clap)
Houston had by far their best game of the season, finishing as the 5th ranked defense for Week 6 with 16 points. Philadelphia also had a great week, finishing with 20 points as the 2nd ranked defense. Other than that, no Top 10 Defense in the pre-season ranking did any better than 12th. Here are the latest stats:
| OVERALL | |||
| Rank | Defense/Special Teams | Week 6 | RANK |
| 1 | Seattle Sea - DEF | Rk #12 - 8 pts | 2 |
| 2 | Buffalo Buf - DEF | Rk #27 - 0 pts | 22 |
| 3 | Houston Hou - DEF | Rk #5 - 16 pts | 27 |
| 4 | Philadelphia Phi - DEF | Rk #2 - 20 pts | 5 |
| 5 | St. Louis StL - DEF | Rk #27 - 0 pts | 8 |
| 6 | Arizona Ari - DEF | Rk #21 - 4 pts | 3 |
| 7 | New England NE - DEF | Rk #18 - 5 pts | 17 |
| 8 | Baltimore Bal - DEF | Rk #21 - 4 pts | 19 |
| 9 | Green Bay GB - DEF | Rk #14 - 7 pts | 4 |
| 10 | Kansas City KC - DEF | Rk #12 - 8 pts | 24 |
The one point I noted with these teams so far is that 5 of the top 10 ranked teams in the preseason currently do rank in the top 10. The other 5 teams rank no higher that 17th. Quite a wide spread there, but good to see that 50% of the top teams are living up to potential.
FREE AGENT DOMINATION
The Maulers had a truly impressive week, but check out the team of free agents I pieced together:
QB Ryan Fitzpatrick, NYJ - 25 pts.
RB James Starks, GB - 23 pts.
RB Dexter McCluster, TEN - 9 pts.
WR Lance Moore, DET - 16 pts.
WR Marvin Jones, CIN - 15 pts.
TE Benjamin Watson, NO - 18 pts.
K Chris Boswell, PIT - 17 pts.
DEF Miami, MIA - 25 pts.
Total = 148 pts.
ESOTERIC JOKE OF THE WEEK #2
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
BEST BENCH
Dual accolades happened last week for the first time since 2012, when Shawn Martin took the High Score Prize as well as the Best Bench. Now for the first time in history, we have back-to-back dual accolades! As mentioned earlier, with an optimal line-up the Midnight Maulers would have posted 173 points, which is a 34-point improvement. Jamie needed three roster moves to get it done... J. Brown for A. Green (+17), J. Stewart for F. Gore (+11) and A. Jeffery for A. Robinson (+6).
That is it for this week... we are almost at the midpoint of the season, so only two weeks away from midterm grades!
Start studying now!
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