BOXCARS!!!

It is the yin and yang of fantasy football. Last week was the highest scoring week of the season (955 total points scored), with four teams crossing into triple digits and now this week is the lowest scoring week of the season with nary a team breaking the hundo mark. I can't prove it (yet), but I'm placing the full blame on pink shoes. More on that below. The points scored this week rank as the 2nd lowest total point total in Sacred Sundays history. The lowest ever came in Week 16 of 2007, when only 644 total points were scored.  Think about that…the average score that week was just 64.

The big congratulations this week go to TIMMY! and the Bubble Craps Bandits! After finishing in 2nd place twice in the first three weeks of the season, Tim finally claimed the top spot thanks to his kicker. Wait what!? That's right...the highest scoring player on the Bubble Craps Bandits this week was Kansas City Chiefs' kicker Cairo Santos.  He kicked an unbelievable 7 field goals (2 from 50+) and finished with 27 points! This goes down as the greatest performance ever by a kicker, overtaking Blair Walsh who had scored 25 in Week 5 of 2012. The Bandits almost gave it away by having the Chiefs Defense who finished with negative points, but in the end they came out on top. Well done senor!!

Four weeks are already gone from the season, so in fantasy terms that means 31% of the regular season is done! (Four weeks out of a 13-week regular season). After this week's games I will officially make my playoff team predictions! And this year, I'm even going to go so far as to predict the Championship Game matchup! But that's next week, here is this week's stuff...

YOU'RE THE BEST AROUND, NOTHIN' GONNA EVER KEEP YOU DOWN
-Devonta Freeman, RB - Coors Light Drunk Guys - 32 pts - Over the last two weeks, Devonta has amassed a total of 342 yards (rushing & receiving) and 6 touchdowns.  Atlanta looks like a team on a mission right now.

-Philip Rivers, QB - American BadAss - 29 pts - Good game for Rivers, in spite of missing three starters from his offensive line. That actually ended up being a good thing, because that kept Rivers in the shotgun all day, where he tossed 3 touchdowns and racked up 358 yards.

-Cairo Santos, K - Bubble Craps Bandits-27 pts - lt is almost absurd how many field goals this guy made... 2 from 21-29, 1 from 30-39, 2 from 40-49 and 2 from 50+. Seven field goals?!? In one game?

-Chris Ivory, RB - Midnight Maulers - 25 pts - Tea and crumpets did well for Ivory as he ran all over the Dolphins for 165 yards and a touchdown. That is his second game this year scoring over 20 points.


I'M A LOSER BABY, SO WHY DON'T YOU KILL ME?
-Carlos Hyde, RB- Scottish Rebels - 2pts – I would say that it is a case of Jekyll & Hyde, but he has only been Jekyll since Week 1.  Or is it Hyde? Well, whatever it is, he has sucked eggs since his 32-point Week 1 performance, scoring only 13 points TOTAL in the last 3 weeks.

-Zach Ertz, TE - Scottish Rebels - 1 pt - Would have had a better game had a touchdown catch not been called back for illegal formation. But still...2 catches for 11 yards. Yuck.

-Jordan Cameron, TE – SofaKinglucky - 1pt – After a ho-hum start to the season (7 pts and 6 pts in Weeks 1&2), Cameron has had back-to-back 1-point weeks. Not the best way to start off with a bang on a new team.

-Arian Foster, RB - Coors Light Drunk Guys - 1 pt - Not the debut back from injury that Foster was striving for... only 10 yards on the ground (plus a lost fumble) and 25 yards through the air. Well, it can't get much worse...

-Anquan Boldin, WR - Coors Light Drunk Guys - 1 pt - Boldin caught three passes for only 12 yards. Three passes for 12 yards? What wide receiver runs three 4-yard patterns? Oh he plays for the 49ers?...that explains everything.

-Kyle Rudolph, TE - Z German Overlords - 0 pts - Two catches for seven yards. 'Nuff said.

-Houston, DEF - Vandelay lndustries - 0 pts - No team had more hype about their defense this offseason than the Texans, and no team has underperformed more. Another dud performance, giving up 36 points, and only managing 2 sacks. The Texans now rank as the #30 defense.

-Kansas City, DEF - Bubble Craps Bandits - -2 pts - Probably the only player in fantasy that had more total points after Week 2 than after Week 4. KC had 23 points through two weeks of play, but they have shrunk that total to only 20 now, owing to last week's negative 1-point performance, and now this week's negative 2-point performance. Going in the wrong way here Timmy!

SAVE THE TA-TA'S
You always know it is October when you start seeing pink shoes, pink wrist bands, pink gloves, pink eye liner, etc. on the field in an NFL game. I just find it all very distracting. In a day and age where the NFL will fine players thousands of dollars for wearing the wrong brand of socks, or the wrong color of shoe, I fail to see why a pink chinstrap is okay. It destroys the uniformity that the NFL is so keen on. And no other promotion that I know of goes on for an entire month!  Can't this just all happen in one week?
Now, I know I have asked this question before, but why not just sew the pink ribbon onto each uniform and call that good? That maintains uniformity, and is the official symbol for breast cancer awareness. If teams choose to go crazy with pink, how about the cheerleader outfits can be entirely pink? Or better yet, have the cheerleaders go topless. Show us all what this month is really all about! Now there is a month-long promotion l can get behind!!


BEST BENCH
They say that if you are going to take the time to do something, you might as well be the best at it. One team has been head-and-shoulders above all contenders this season when it comes to the Best Bench. With his third Best Bench crown, in only four weeks of play, the Week 4 honors go to...the Coors Light Drunk Guys! With four roster moves this week Shawn could have improved his point total by 52 points... J. Hill for A. Foster (+23), T. Austin for A. Boldin (+22), D. Brees for C. Palmer (+6), and T. Eifert for J. Witten (+1).  Keep up the good work Shawn! F N A!