Eight weeks of the 2015 season are already done, which means that it is time to hand out midterm grades! Last season I handed out stock grades to each team, but this season I’m getting back to the strict bell curve which means that there will be 2-A’s, 3-B's, 3-C's and 2-D's. Defending champ SofaKinglucky received a “HOLD” grade at midterms last year, but I’m not quite sure what that means. SofaKing had a record of 3-5 in Week 8 and went on to take it all… so where you are now doesn’t really matter. The categories and criteria used for establishing the grades this year were: keeper production, draft quality, total points scored, and overall record.
Before we get into that, I have to give out double congratulations to Z German Overlords who claimed their second Weekly High Score Prize in as many weeks! Jens got his guys pumped up for the "What Do You Know?!? Bowl" last week, and that fiery intensity continued this week as the Overlords posted an impressive 126 points. The Overlord wide receivers accounted for 54 points (Odell Beckham - 31 pts and Julio Jones - 23 pts), plus their kicker (Justin Tucker) tacked on 20 points. It didn't even matter that the Overlord tight end (Richard Rogers) only had 1-point...total domination everywhere else! Last week, Jens was the only team to crack triple digits, mostly thanks to a 38-point game from Lamar Miller and a 26-point game from the St. Louis defense. That victory against the Coors Light Drunk Guys last week puts the "What Do You Know?!? Bowl" series record at 7-6 in favor of Mr. Bolleyer. Jens - Nice work!! Shawn – How could you let this happen?! What do YOOOOUUUU KNOW??!??
In the matchups this week, the highest scoring game by far was between the Bubble Crap Bandits and the Coors Light Drunk Guys with the Drunk Guys narrowly pulling out a 120-117 victory. The reason I point this out is because this is the first time this season that a team has scored over 100 points and not netted a victory. Prior to that game, teams had scored over 100 15 times with all resulting in victory. (Historically speaking, scoring over 100 points results in a victory 88.1% of the time.) The victory percentage for this season now stands at 94.1%. Since 2007, 2008 is the only season where no team scored over 100 points and lost… I was hoping we were going to see that again this year, but alas.
As far as the standings go, the Coors Light Drunk Guys are in the driver's seat for the #1 playoff seed and Vandelay lndustries is eyeing the #1 draft choice for 2016, but other than that everything is wide open. Three teams have 4 wins, and four teams have 3 wins, so there is only 1 game separating 7 teams. Should be an interesting finish!
This week, along with handing out midterm grades, I get to give out two Best Bench awards! Onward!
FANTASY PERFECTION
QB - Drew Brees - Coors Light Drunk Guys - 49 pts - Really wanted to see this game go into overtime to see if Brees could have thrown one more TD to set the single-game NFL record with 8. I guess he'll have to just be happy with throwing only 7 TD passes in the game. In case you are wondering, this ties the record for best performance by a QB in Sacred Sundays history (Peyton Manning & Michael Vick have also scored 49), and it was only 5 points off the record for most points ever by a player in a single week, held by Doug Martin.
RB - Todd Gurley - sprouts - 20 pts - Gurley should change his name to Manley because he is absolutely killing it over his last four games - 15 pts, 18 pts, 27 pts and now 20 pts. His last game was against the 49ers but still, he has now set the NFL record for most rushing yards in a player's first four career starts.
RB - Ronnie Hillman - Scottish Rebels - 18 pts - He only managed to gain 50 yards on the ground, but he found the endzone twice versus the Packers! Oh yeah!
WR - Odell Beckham Jr - Z German Overlords - 31 pts - ln a game where there were 13 TD passes thrown, you know a receiver had to have had a big game. OBJ delivered on that, hauling in 3 TD catches and amassing 130 yards.
WR - Julio Jones - Z German Overlords - 23 pts - Jones racked up 99 yards in the first half and finished with 162 yards and a TD. He also caught 12 of 13 passes thrown his way.
TE - Benjamin Watson - Free Agent - 20 pts - Perhaps tight ends just do well in New Orleans? Watson hauled in 9-of-10 passes thrown his way, and rumbled for 147 yards and a TD.
K - Justin Tucker - Z German Overlords - 20 pts - Tucker was 5-for-5 on field goal attempts (including 3 from 40-49) and 2-for-2 on PAT's.
DEF - Houston - Vandelay lndustries - 21 pts - Who knew the Texans defense would finally show up? They got to face Zach Mettenberger, who is starting in place of the injured Marcus Mariota, and finished with 7 sacks, 1 interception, 2 fumble recoveries and only allowed 6 points. If only they could play the Titans every week...
FANTASY FAILURE
QB - Aaron Rodgers - American BadAss - 6 pts - Rodgers came into this game averaging over 20 ppg, but could not get anything going. He finished with only 77 yards passing, plus lost a fumble that was recovered for a safety.
RB – Christine Michael – Vandelay lndustries – 2 pts – No this isn't a chick playing football... it is actually a dude named Christine. And no, he did not have a good game.
RB - Giovani Bernard - Vandelay lndustries - 3 pts - Bernard actually averaged 11.3 yards each time he touched the ball...unfortunately he only touched the ball three times.
WR – Travis Benjamin – sprouts – 2 pts – After a red-hot start to the season, Benjamin has posted 2 points two weeks in a row.
WR - Emmanuel Sanders - Vandelay lndustries - 2 pts - This was Sanders worst production of the season, as he took a back seat to Demaryius Thomas. He ended up with only 2 catches for 22 yards.
TE - Richard Rodgers - Z German Overlords - 1 pt - Denver shut down both Rodgers this week, stifling this Rodgers to the tune of 2 catches for only 15 yards.
K – Stephen Hauschka – Midnight Maulers – 7 pts – Hauschka was the lowest scoring of the active kickers this week, only connecting on 2 short field goals and 1 PAT.
DEF - New York Jets - Joe's Pats - (-)1 pts - The Jets recorded no sacks, no interceptions, no fumble recoveries, no blocked kicks and gave up 34 points. No they weren't playing the Patriots...that was against the Oakland Raiders. Whew...that's bad.
ESOTERIC JOKE OF THE WEEK #1
The midget fortune teller who escaped prison was a small medium at large.
MID TERM GRADES
Mid-term grades were based on four categories this season: Keeper Production, Draft Quality, Points Scored and Overall Record. For each category, all teams were ranked and those that ranked #1 received 10 points, #2 received 9 points, and so on down to the 10th ranked team receiving 1 point for the category. If teams were tied at any position the points were divided between the teams. The total points earned by each team then determined their grade on the bell curve (2 A’s, 3 B’s, 3 C’s, and 2 D’s). Scores for each category and overall grades are listed below…
Bubble Crap Bandits – Timmy
Keepers - 10
Draft - 6.5
Pts Scored - 10
Record – 9
The Bandits have scored the most points and have the second best record. Also, the keepers for the Bandits have been the best when looking at average points per week and overall ranking. Timmy could have issues going forward since Jamaal Charles is out for the year, but this grade is for what has happened up to this point in the season.
Grade – A
Coors Light Drunk Guys – Shawn
Keepers - 3
Draft - 9
Pts Scored - 6
Record – 10
The Drunk Guys have the best record in the league and has scored the fifth most points. Shawn gets a bonus on his draft points for picking up Devonta Freeman off of waivers. That was huge. Bad luck with Foster as a keeper knocked the score down there.
Grade – A
Midnight Maulers – Jamie
Keepers - 7
Draft - 6.5
Pts Scored - 8
Record - 5.5
The Maulers have scored the third most points this year and have collected two Weekly High Score prizes. Frank Gore and Jonathan Stewart have been a pleasant surprise as keepers.
Grade – B
American BadAss – Jason
Keepers - 4.5
Draft - 8
Pts Scored - 7
Record – 4
ABA gets a boost in the Draft category thanks to drafting Philip Rivers in the 10th round and the Denver defense in the 14th round. Also, ABA has the fourth most points scored so far this season.
Grade – B
Scottish Rebels – Jerry
Keepers - 4.5
Draft - 4
Pts Scored - 9
Record - 5.5
My Rebels get a boost in the Points category thanks to a blistering start where I nabbed the first two Weekly High Score Prizes of the season. My draft was horrible where some of my picks were actually for Colin Kaepernick, Nelson Algohor (who?!) and Vernon Davis.
Grade – B
Joe’s Pats – Joe
Keepers - 9
Draft - 3
Pts Scored - 3
Record - 7.5
Having keepers of TY Hilton and Russell Wilson for 7th and 9th round picks has paid off handsomely for Joe. But Joe had a tough draft, with AP not producing like he was expected, and using a 4th round pick on Andre Ellington.
Grade – C
SofaKingLucky – James
Keepers - 7
Draft - 1
Pts Scored - 4
Record - 7.5
The King had about the worst draft you could have, picking players like Mike Evans in the 3rd round, DeSean Jackson in the 6th, Victor Cruz in the 9th, Tony Romo in the 7th, RGIII in the 11th… Aaaahh! Thankfully your keepers (Bell and Lynch) have been solid.
Grade – C
Z German Overlords – Jens
Keepers - 1
Draft - 10
Pts Scored - 5
Record - 2.5
Eddie Lacy is the 42nd ranked runningback in the league. Not what you want to get for a first round keeper. Also, the record of 3-5 did not help the point total. But Jens had a spectacular draft, nabbing Julio Jones, Lamar Miller, Eli Manning and Matt Ryan.
Grade – C
Vandelay Industries – Louis
Keepers - 7
Draft - 3
Pts Scored - 1
Record – 1
Vandelay Industries has the lowest point total and the worst record in the league. Draft picks of Julius Thomas in the 5th and Ray Rice in the 11th didn’t help either.
Grade – D
Sprouts – Russ
Keepers - 2
Draft - 2
Pts Scored - 2
Record - 2.5
Sprouts has the second lowest point total of the season and the second worst record in the league. Peyton Manning ranks as the 28th QB in the league and Randall Cobb is the 30th WR…rough for 1st and 4th round keepers. Also, early draft picks of Dez Bryant (2nd round), Jimmy Graham (3rd round) and Latavius Murray (5th round) haven’t worked out as hoped.
Grade – D
ESOTERIC JOKE OF THE WEEK #2
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationary.
BEST BENCH(ES)
Shawn Martin, you are just awesome man. You have the best record in the league, and added your fifth Best Bench in Week 7. That means that you should have the best record and the most points scored. Week 7 was only a modest improvement of 25 points with three roster changes… M. Crabtree for A. Boldin (+9), D. Woodhead for D. Freeman (+9), and C. Palmer for D. Brees (+7).
This week’s Best Bench was the lowest point improvement possibility of the season at only 23 points. Somehow everyone managed to have pretty decent lineups in the game. But the Week 8 Best Bench goes to.. SofaKingLucky! James needed four roster changes to get it done… E. Decker for M. Evans (+8), S. Diggs for S. Smith (+7), M. Ingram for L. Bell (+6), and D. McFadden for M. Lynch (+2).
Only five more weeks until the playoffs begin!! Say whaaat??
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