Rebels tops in Week 9!!

Two weeks in a row now the Weekly High Score Prize has been determined by only one point. This week it was my Scottish Rebels edging Joe’s Pats by the thinnest of margins, 103 to 102, to take the prize for Week 9. It was all thanks to a monumental performance by Vincent Jackson, who caught an amazing three touchdowns against the Packers on his way to scoring 32 points! Also, with my Rebels taking the prize this week, that means that there has been a different high scorer for each of the last three weeks.

In other news, Moves Like Jagger is the first team to snag a playoff spot, courtesy of an 8-1 record. The next two closest teams are at 6-3 (Joe’s Pats and the Coors Light Drunk Guys). The Wild Card race could prove very interesting, as all teams are still very much alive. Now is the time to make sure that you have your best roster in every week! And speaking of that, don’t forget that there is a Thursday night game (11/10/11), Oakland at San Diego.

This week we get all geared up for the famed “What Do You Know? Bowl” and take an in-depth look at player’s draft positions versus season production. But first, some observations…

THROW THE BALL AND CATCH THE BALL!

Vincent Jackson, WR – Scottish Rebels – 32 pts – Jackson was on fire against Green Bay and finished with 3 touchdowns and 141 yards. He matched his total from Week 2 when he scored 32 points against New England. That means he has a total of 64 points playing against two of the top teams in the league, and only 33 points total playing against MIN, KC (twice), MIA, DEN and NYJ. Look for him to go to sleep again until Dec. 18 when the Chargers play the Ravens.

Willis McGahee, RB – sprouts – 31 pts – Do you remember the days when Denver was known as a great rushing team? McGahee finished with 163 yards rushing and 2 touchdowns, which is the highest rushing total for a Denver RB since Nov. 21, 2004, when Reuben Droughns (yeah, remember that guy?) tallied 166 yards.

Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 30 pts – To say that Rodgers is having a Pro Bowl season would be understating it by about a factor of 10. This season with 24 touchdown passes and just three interceptions, Rodgers has a 129.1 passer rating…the next closest being Drew Brees, at 100.6. Amazing.

Julio Jones, WR – Scottish Rebels – 28 pts – Jones showed off his speed, scoring on 50-yard and 80-yard plays, his first two touchdowns of the season.

Philip Rivers, QB – sprouts – 28 pts – Rivers went off with 385 yards and four touchdowns, but also had 3 interceptions. That gives him 14 INT’s on the year, which is the most in the league.

WEAK SAUCE

Robert Meacham, WR - Coors Light Drunk Guys – 0 pts – I’m not even sure if Meacham played in this game. Seriously, does anyone know?

Kansas City, DEF – Lords of Lumberg – 0 pts – The KC defense was projected to score 21 points against a hapless Miami team. Instead they got walloped, losing 31-3. The only thing that saved them from being in the negative was having 95 return yards. They didn’t even record a sack. Yuck.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW??? Version 2011

The most bitter rivalry in all of Fantasy Football takes hold this week, with Moves Like Jagger battling the Coors Light Drunk Guys in the annual “What Do You Know? Bowl”! The match up this year is extra special, as these two teams are the two division leaders. Will this be a preview of the Championship game? Possibly. Will the loser of this game never hear the end of it? Absolutely. I can’t wait!

DRAFT DIFFERENTIALS

This week, I took a look at where players were drafted versus where they currently rank in terms of point production. For the purpose of this analysis, all offensive players, kickers and defenses were ranked based on their point totals for the season. That was then compared to their draft position to get their differential score. The higher the differential, the better the pick, the lower the differential the worse the pick. Keepers were included in this analysis.

Overall, out of 150 players drafted there were 44 players with positive differentials, 104 with negative differentials, and two with a zero differential. Those two players were Matt Forte and Dwayne Bowe. Forte was taken with the 19th pick by the Coors Light Drunk Guys and with 133 points currently ranks 19th. Bowe was taken with the 69th pick by sprouts and with 85 points currently ranks 69th.

The highest single differential belongs to Michael Vick, taken as a keeper with the 150th pick and currently ranked 10th, for a differential of +140. The second highest differential is +122 held by the Detroit defense, taken by the Coors Light Drunk Guys with the 143rd pick and currently ranked 21st. Peyton Manning, having been selected as a keeper by Frito Pie with the first pick, and having scored no points this year due to injury, holds the lowest differential. The second lowest differential goes to Jamaal Charles, having been selected as a keeper by the Lords of Lumberg with the 15th pick, and only scoring 11 points this year before getting injured. The lowest differential of a non-injured player goes to Chad Ochocinco, having been picked by Joe’s Pats with the 53rd pick, and being currently ranked #268 for a differential of -215.

When the differentials for each position are combined together, only two positions come out with positive numbers: defenses and quarterbacks. There were 14 defenses selected in our draft, and 11 of those currently rank higher in the scoring list than where they were drafted. The combined defense differential is +559. Quarterbacks have a combined differential of +424, owing to there being 22 quarterbacks selected, with 15 of those currently being ranked higher than their draft position.

The lowest combined differential is -3,536, which belongs to runningbacks. There were 49 runningbacks selected and only 9 have positive differentials. The runningback with the highest differential is Darren Sproles (+118), drafted by the Midnight Maulers with the 145th pick, and currently ranked 27th. The second lowest combined differential is -3374 belonging to wide receivers. Our draft had 43 wide receivers taken, and only five of those have positive differentials. Steve Smith ranks highest with a differential of +84, having been drafted by sprouts at #109 and currently being ranked 25th. Tight ends have a combined differential of -1521 and kickers have a combined total of -68. (The only thing holding kickers back from a positive differential is Nate Kaeding, who was taken with the 105th pick by the Midnight Maulers, but got injured before scoring any points this season).

At the end of the season, there will be a complete team-by-team breakdown of draft differentials, and yes, final grades will be given out.

PICKING THE WINNERS

Eight teams made their picks for the weekly winners in Week 9, and six of those teams were correct with three of their picks. So the waiver order was set to the reverse order of standings. Be sure to pick the winners each week, as the owner who picks the most correct will be moved to the top of the waiver order.

BEST BENCH

Everyone has been doing a good job maximizing points on their roster and minimizing points on their bench. The award for Best Bench for Week 9 goes to…. sprouts! Russ could have improved his point total by 24, with only one roster move – W. McGahee for L. Blount (+24).

Allright, get your rosters ready to go for Week 10! You may get lucky and get some playoff scenarios starting next week…

Week 8 -- Back to it!

Back in business after a week hiatus!

Last week I was involved in a debate with the Beaverton city government over their ridiculous plans to impose an “Urban Renewal Zone” in the downtown area of my city. I was asked to be a part of a voter’s forum as an opposing voice to the mayor and a city councilor. I figured that with all the political ranting I do that it was time to actually do something instead of just talking about it. Here is a link to the debate: http://www.beavertonoregon.gov/index.aspx?nid=268 . My opening statement is at 00:35:21, and I call the city out for reckless spending at 00:43:05. Apparently I really struck a nerve with the mayor, because at 01:01:40 he is all out of sorts and in his closing statement says that in regards to the budget he “doesn’t even want to go there.” Fun times!

Now on to the stuff that really matters… Big congratulations to the Coors Light Drunk Guys for scoring 117 points in Week 7 and taking home the Weekly High Score Prize! Shawn got a huge boost from the Saints 62-7 shellacking of the Colts, racking up 71 points on Saints players (Brees – 33, Colston – 21, Graham – 17 and Meacham – 2). Nice work Shawn! F’n’A!! Week 7 also showcased the Basement Battle between my Scottish Rebels and the Midnight Maulers, with my Rebels notching their first victory of the year! Woohoo!

Week 8 saw the Midnight Maulers roar to life and take the High Score prize with 106 points, just barely edging out Moves Like Jagger by one! The Maulers were the kings of consistency with 6 of 8 players scoring between 11 & 15 points, and only one player not scoring double digits (Darren Sproles finished with 9). Great job Jamie!! The league standings are really tightening up now, with three teams at 5-3 (Joe’s Pats, Lords of Lumberg, and Coors Light Drunk Guys), two teams at 4-4 (American BadAss and sprouts), and two at 3-5 (SOFA KING GOOD and Frito Pie). Alone at the top of the pack is Moves Like Jagger with an impressive 7-1 record. But, with five games left in the regular season, the playoff picture is far from clear…

Now, with more than half of the season gone it is time once again for mid-term grades! See below for how your team is doing so far based on my highly scientific and highly subjective grading system.

But first, some observations…

BOOM-DIGGITY

Detroit, D – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 36 pts – Crazy to have a defense lead all scorers in a week, but perfectly understandable when you see the stat line racked up by the Detroit defenders – 7 sacks, 1 interception, 2 fumble recoveries, 2 touchdowns and only 10 points allowed. Damn.

LeSean McCoy, RB – Joe’s Pats – 34 pts – McCoy had the luxury of playing against a Dallas defense that was solely content with stopping one player – DeSean Jackson. There were some holes that McCoy ran through that were literally 7 yards wide. He certainly made the most of it, racking up 185 yards and 2 touchdowns.

Buffalo, D – Free Agent – 34 pts – The Bills sacked the Washington quarterback 9 times, had 2 interceptions, blocked a kick and allowed ZERO points!

Steven Jackson, RB – Scottish Rebels – 33 pts – Jackson finally broke out this year, nearly equaling his production from the prior three weeks combined! The Rams shocked the Saints, and it was mostly due to Jackson’s 191-yard (rushing & receiving), 2-touchdown performance.

Cincinnati, D – Free Agent – 32 pts – Let’s hear it for defenses this week! Three defenses with over 30 points… simply astounding! The Bengals did it with 4 sacks, 1 interception, 1 fumble recovery, 1 defensive TD, 1 return TD and allowing Seattle only 12 points.

Adrian Peterson, RB – Scottish Rebels – 27 pts – AP is averaging 23 points per game over his last four games, and currently leads all runningbacks with 149 points on the season. All Day baby!

Ray Rice, RB – Moves Like Jagger – 27 pts – With the exception of his Week 7 3-point performance, Rice has not scored less than 15 points in a week. Across his other six games, he is averaging 19.6 points per game. Nice!

COME ON, MAN...

Dan Bailey, K – Scottish Rebels – 1 pt – This just highlights how horrendously bad the Cowboys were against the Eagles on Sunday night. Bailey never even attempted a field goal and only logged one extra point on the night.

Robert Meacham, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 1 pt – This really wasn’t a horrible outing for Meacham considering he had only scored two points the week before.

Ben-Jarvus Green-Ellis, RB – American BadAss – 0 pts – American BadAss scored exactly zero points in the runningback department this week, with Green-Ellis only managing 9 yards and Matt Forte getting zero, due to being on a bye week. That’s two weeks in a row that American BadAss has had an active roster player on a bye… Is Lilly managing your team bro? Lol!

MID-TERM GRADES

American BadAss (4-4) – Owner – Jason

Hot start to the season, but playing players on bye weeks is no way to make it to the end.

Best move – Designating Aaron Rodgers as a keeper.

Questionable call – Playing David Akers on his bye week, then playing Matt Forte on his bye week in the following week.

Grade – C+

Coors Light Drunk Guys (5-3) – Owner – Shawn

After a slow start and going 1-3, the Coors Light Drunk Guys have come alive and currently have the longest winning streak in the league with 4 in-a-row. The Drunk Guys are also one of only two teams in the league averaging over 100 points per game. Shawn has also done this essentially with the team he drafted, having only made two waiver claims all year.

Best move – Drafting Fred Jackson in the 8th round.

Questionable call – Carrying Tim Hightower on the bench.

Grade – A-

Frito Pie (3-5) – Owner – Rachel

Rachel’s season took a big hit before it even began with Peyton Manning and his flimsy neck. Since then it has been a struggle to find a quarterback capable of putting up consistent points.

Best move – Drafting Wes Welker in the 4th round.

Questionable call – Sticking with Kevin Kolb as quarterback.

Grade – C+

Joe’s Pats (5-3) – Owner – Joe

The Pats are the only team that has been able to crack the armor of Moves Like Jagger. That alone is quite an achievement this season.

Best move – Adding Jonathan Stewart in Week 7.

Questionable call – Going with the Dallas Cowboys defense.

Grade – A-

Lords of Lumberg (5-3) – Owner – Timmy

Timmy leads the league in moves with 16, and it appears that it is finally paying off. A rocky start to the season led to a blockbuster trade with the Scottish Rebels, in the hopes of shaking things up. His players have responded to get him to a 5-3 record, and in the driver’s seat for the playoffs.

Best move – Picking up A.J. Green on waivers.

Questionable call – Dropping, then re-adding Jamaal Charles.

Grade – B+

Midnight Maulers (2-6) – Owner – Jamie George

The season has been a struggle for the Maulers, but in spite of everything, Jamie has nabbed a Weekly High Score prize.

Best move – Dropping Tim Tebow.

Questionable call – Not drafting LT this year. LT not on the Maulers is just too weird to handle.

Grade – C

Moves Like Jagger (7-1) – Owner – Jensy

Only one loss on the season, and three Weekly High Score prizes. Jens also leads all teams with 842 points scored, and has the fortunate distinction of having had the fewest points scored against him (601).

Best move – Changing team name to “Moves Like Jagger”.

Questionable call – Changing team name to “Moves Like Jagger”.

Grade – A

Scottish Rebels (2-6) – Owner – Jerry

At the end of the day, it is all about victories, and it took my Rebels six weeks to make it happen.

Best move – Trades for Cam Newton and Adrian Peterson.

Questionable call – Dropping A.J. Green before even seeing him play.

Grade – D+

sprouts (4-4) – Owner – Russ

Sprouts has been outscored this year by 125 points, yet has battled to a .500 record.

Best move – Drafting Rob Gronkowski with a 13th round pick.

Questionable call – Trading Antonio Gates and Steve Smith for LeGarrette Blount.

Grade – B

SOFA KING GOOD (3-5) – Owner – Cap’n

The King has the unlucky distinction of having had the most points scored against him thus far this season. And by a wide margin too— in total 832 points have been scored against him, with the next closest team surrendering 779. Something about James just brings out the best in his opponents…

Best move – Drafting Baltimore Defense in 7th round.

Questionable call – Drafting Chris Johnson in 1st round.

Grade – B

BEST BENCH(ES)

Week 7 saw very few points left on the bench. In the case of sprouts, owing to bye weeks and weak performances, there were zero points on his bench. Literally no points scored by his bench players. In fact, the Best Bench Award for Week 7 had the lowest point improvement total that I can recall from any Best Bench winner. That distinction now belongs to the Midnight Maulers!! Jamie could have improved his point total by 16 points with two roster moves, T. Tebow for J. Cutler (+12 pts) and San Diego for Chicago (+4 pts).

Week 8 also had only a few points left on the bench. There was a “Battle of Bests” between sprouts and American BadAss, where both teams had their optimal line-ups in the game. In the end, it was last week’s high scorer taking home the crown for Best Bench… the Coors Light Drunk Guys! Shawn would have been able to improve his point total by 20 with three roster moves, E. Manning for D. Brees (+11 pts), D. Branch for R. Meacham (+8 pts) and R. Wayne for M. Colston (+1 pt).

Get your ream ready for Week 9! Only five weeks left of the regular season! Playoff scenarios coming soon...

Jagger can't be stopped!!

Jagger’s moves continue! In a dominating performance, Moves Like Jagger more than doubled his opponent's total and was 21 points ahead of the next closest team! That’s the way you debate! Nice job, Jens… as you said, you are now playing with house money, having taken the high score prize in three of six weeks, and remaining as the only undefeated team. Well done!

In other games, the Midnight Maulers finally ended their five game slide, and finished up on the right side of the scoreboard to log their first victory. My Rebels still can’t figure out this whole foos-ball thing, and are still searching for a win after six long weeks. The rest of the field is super tight, with three teams at 4-2, three teams at 3-3 and one team at 2-4. From the looks of that, it is still anyone’s ballgame. (Except the Maulers and the Rebels, of course :-) ) Check out the full Week Six analysis below to see what your team’s chances look like…

First, the weekly observations:

THERE IT IS!!

• Ahmad Bradshaw, RB – Moves Like Jagger – 30 pts – The only player to cross the 30-point barrier this week, and Jens had him on the bench. Seriously, Bradshaw is probably going to push Brandon Jacobs down the stairs, so he never returns to the line-up.
• Michael Turner, RB – Moves Like Jagger – 25 pts – Turner is following his normal trend of high-low-high-low, having gone for 20 points, then 2, then 20, then 11 and now 25 this week. Facing Detroit next week kinda makes me think this trend will continue…
• Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 23 pts – Rodgers is on an absolute mission this season… he is the #1 player in all of fantasy, having scored 163 points so far, which leads 2^nd place (Cam Newton) by 18 points. Wow!
• Devin Hester, WR – Free Agent – 23 pts – After averaging only 5.2 points per game, Hester broke out against the Vikings, logging 91 receiving yards and returning a kick-off 98 yards for a touchdown!

COME ON, MAN…

• Jermichael Finley, TE – Moves Like Jagger – 2 pts – Finley has 47 points on the season, with 26 of those coming in one game (week 3). In the other five games, he’s averaging a pedestrian 4.2 points per game.
• Owen Daniels, TE – SOFA KING GOOD – 1 pt – Really not a good week to be a tight end.
• Denarious Moore, WR – American BadAss – 0 pts – Whatever hope this guy had with Jason Campbell at quarterback is gone, now that Kyle Boller has taken over at the helm.
• Vernon Davis, TE – Lords of Lumberg – 0 pts – Davis had scored at least 10 points in his prior three games, but only caught 2 passes for 8 yards against the Lions this week.

JUST PICK THE WINNERS… SOUNDS SO SIMPLE

Six teams made picks this week on the Weekly Matchups, and remarkably, four picked the same amount of winners. The Coors Light Drunk Guys, sprouts, Moves Like Jagger and the Midnight Maulers all were right with three of their picks. Kudos to Jamie for being the only one to pick his team to win, and then backing it up!

But because there was no leader this week, the waiver order will be set to the reverse of standings.

TMITNBTTAT

Text messaging has literally changed the way we communicate. Thanks to text messaging, HHTYAY is no longer useless jargon, it has become “Happy Holidays To You And Yours”. HITAKS isn’t just a jumble word anymore, it’s “Hang In There And Keep Smiling”. Here’s a couple other good ones that I came across recently: LBUG is “Laughing Because You’re Gay”, ONUD is “Oh No You Didn’t”, and my personal favorite LDIMEDILLIGAF which of course is “Look Deeply Into My Eyes, Does It Look Like I Give A F**k”.

Pretty much anything goes in texting by just typing the first letter of the words you want to say. It’s so easy!! Take a minute to see if you can figure out what my title for this section, written entirely in text messaging lingo. (The answer is at the end of the post.)

And how about one more text-pression, just for Shawn… NASCAR “Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks”. LSHITIPAL!!!

SEASONAL ANALYSIS – SIX WEEKS IN

Since 2007 there have been two teams to start off 6-0, SOFA KING GOOD in 2010 and the Midnight Maulers in 2007. No team has ever started 7-0, so Moves Like Jagger is playing for a spot in history in Week 7. Last week we set a record with two teams starting off 0-5, and now my Scottish Rebels have done that one better, with an unprecedented 0-6 record. I really understand what Jim Mora was talking about when he said “… Playoffs? Playoffs??! I just hope we can win a game.”

To the stats - As mentioned before, two teams have started 6-0 but, amazingly, only one of those made the playoffs… so Jens, you’re still looking at a 50/50 shot! After six weeks, the most common record is 3-3, having occurred 11 times with 6 qualifying for the playoffs (54.5%). The second most common record is 2-4, having occurred 10 times with only 4 teams making the playoffs (40.0%). Two records are shoo-ins to qualify, 5-1 and 1-4-1, both records having occurred 2 times with all teams qualifying for the playoffs. But since neither of those records is represented this year, no team is a lock. The second highest playoff qualification record is 4-2, having occurred 6 times with 5 making it in (83.3%). Three records are guaranteed shut-outs… 2-3-1, 1-5 and 0-5-1 all having occurred once with no playoff appearances.

Based on all that, my playoff prediction teams are: Moves Like Jagger, Joe’s Pats, American BadAss, Lords of Lumberg, Frito Pie and Coors Light Drunk Guys! (Remember, if I didn’t predict your team to make it to the playoffs, don’t fret! Just read last week’s update and you’ll find it there!)

BEST BENCH

Points were hard to come by anywhere this week, let alone on team’s benches. Several teams had their optimal line-ups in, or very near it! (My bench would have only gained me 2 more points…) In the end, the team that took the high score this week also claimed the title for Best Bench… Moves Like Jagger! Jens could have improved his total by 24 points this week, with three roster moves: A. Bradshaw for R. Rice (+14 pts), A. Hernandez for J. Finley (+8 pts) and J. Flacco for B. Roethlisberger (+2 pts). Had Jens made those moves, he would have finished with 149 points, which would have been a league record.

That’s it for Week 6… Big time questions coming up for Week 7: Will Moves Like Jagger set the record by starting 7-0? Will my Scottish Rebels finally win a game? Answers: No and Yes. Hahahaha! What do you know Jensy!?!?

Be sure to make your picks in the Weekly Matchups, and get your team ready for Week 7! Midseason report cards come out next week!!

BTW – “Text Messaging Is The Next Best Thing To Actually Talking”

I never knew that shirtless pelvic gyrations were such a powerful force in football… For the second time this season, Moves Like Jagger take the crown for the Highest Score, and take the top spot in the league with an unblemished 5-0 record! Well-done Jensy! Moves Like Jagger has scored an impressive 531 points this season, but the top spot in the scoring department belongs to SOFA KING GOOD who has put up 535 points this season. In spite of that, SOFA KING GOOD has a record of 2-3! Just goes to show how important match-ups are each week.

Speaking of match-ups, over the last two weeks the team that has scored the most points (227) has also had the most points scored against them (235). That would be my Scottish Rebels, still searching for that elusive first victory. And as they say, misery loves company, so the Midnight Maulers have also not yet tasted the sweet nectar of victory. Six teams are either at 3-2 or 2-3, so the field is still wide open. See below for the stats on Week 5 starting records. Back on the points scored over the last two weeks, one interesting factoid is that the team that has scored the lowest (sprouts with 157 points) has also had the fewest points scored against them (165). That must mean something, I just don't know what! I digress… let’s get to it!!

BIG TIME, BILL! BIG TIME!

• Adrian Peterson, RB – Scottish Rebels – 30 pts – Running like a man possessed, Peterson scored all three of his touchdowns in the first quarter! That is what is known in Fantasy Football as a touchdown orgy.
• Ben Roethlisberger, QB – Moves Like Jagger – 27 pts – Big Ben became the first player in Steelers history to throw for 5 touchdowns in a game for the second time in his career. Even Bradshaw only accomplished that once.
  
• Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 26 pts – Rodgers continues on his quest to show that he is the greatest quarterback in the league. He has not scored less than 21 points in a week this year, and is currently averaging 28 points per game. That is big time!
• Ben-Jarvus Green-Ellis, RB – American BadAss – 26 pts – Two weeks ago, The Law Firm scored 1 point. Last week he scored 13. This week he scored 26. Based on this progression, my prediction for his Week 6 total is 40. You heard it here.
• Jahvid Best, RB – Scottish Rebels – 25 pts – It must be fun to run 88 yards down the football field during a game without so much as a defender even breathing in your direction. Best got to do just that on Monday night against the Bears, on what was an absolutely spectacular touchdown run. If he had only found the endzone one more time, I would be trying to convince Rachel to name our kid Jahvid. Guess we’ll have to stick with LaDainian…
• Fred Jackson, RB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 25 pts – Fred Jackson of the Buffalo Bills is the top runningback in the league. He has scored 97 points through five weeks. That is fourpoints ahead the second best runner, LeSean McCoy. The Drunk Guys took Jackson in the 8th round, after 27 other runningbacks had been selected. Yeah, I’d say that’s getting good value.

WHAT IN THE...

• Jordy Nelson, WR – Joe’s Pats – 1 pt – Aaron Rodgers throws the ball a lot, but he also throws it to a lot of receivers. Against the Falcons, Rodgers completed passes to 12 different receivers, and that’s only because linemen are ineligible. Otherwise, I believe it would have been 17 different receivers. Nelson managed to get three catches, but only went for 17 yards.
• Dexter McCluster, RB – Lords of Lumberg – 1 pt – Only 18 total yards for McCluster (8 rushing, 10 receiving). Timmy’s still waiting for the next Priest Holmes…
• Dustin Keller, TE – Scottish Rebels – 0 pts – The leading receiver for the Jets going into the game, and he finished with 1 catch for 7 yards. Dang…Puh-thet-tick.
• Denarious Moore, WR – American BadAss – 0 pts – You know that old saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”… here is all Yahoo! had to say about the game Denarious had on Sunday: “WR Denarius Moore had his longest punt return of the season of 21 yards.” HAHAHA…his highlight was a 21-yard punt return. Hilarious!

GAME PICK RECAP

There was a tie for the most correct picks in the Weekly Matchups again this week. Joe’s Pats and SOFA KING GOOD both were correct with three of their picks. Therefore, the waiver order is the reverse order of standings.

Don’t forget to pick the winners of each game to be #1 on the waiver list!!

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM

With the high scores posted the last couple weeks, I got curious about what the highest score possible would be. So below I have assembled the weekly dream team, affectionately named, “The Dreamers”. This week The Dreamers’ roster is full of a lot of unlikely players… Matt Cassel, BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Pierre Garcon and Joel Dressen… all were top performers in their positions. (Kudos to Joel Dressen’s mom for having him in her line-up this week.) The Dreamers netted 194 points for the week. Here is the breakdown of each position…

The Dreamers

QB – Matt Cassel, KC – 27 pts

RB – Adrian Peterson, MIN – 30 pts

RB – BenJarvus Green-Ellis, NE – 26 pts

WR – Pierre Garcon, IND – 24 pts

WR – Dwayne Bowe, KC – 24 pts

TE – Joel Dressen, HOU – 17 pts

K – Sebastian Janikowski, OAK – 20 pts

DEF – Seattle – 26 pts

Total – 194

And, check out the scores from the top free agents this week. “The Unwanteds” rang up a total of 145 points, which would have taken the Weekly High Score by a wide margin. (Pierre Garcon, Joel Dressen and Seattle all share the honor of being on both squads).

The Unwanteds

QB – Curtis Painter, IND – 19 pts

RB – Jackie Battle, KC – 13 pts

RB – Jonathan Dwyer, Pit – 10 pts

WR – Pierre Garcon, IND – 24 pts

WR – Victor Cruz, NYG – 23 pts

TE – Joel Dressen, HOU – 17 pts

K – Stephen Gostkowski, NE – 13 pts

DEF – Seattle – 26 pts

Total – 145

PLAYOFFS… WHERE WINGS TAKE DREAM

Starting 5-0 is impressive, and is also a rarity. Only two times prior to this season has a team started off with that record. Even more rare, is starting off 0-5. Prior to this season there has never been a team to start winless for five weeks, and now we have two in one season! The previous two 5-0 starts ended with one team qualifying for the playoffs and one team missing out. So right now Moves Like Jagger has a 50/50 shot to make it in. Given that there is no history for 0-5, I can honestly say that no team has started 0-5 and not made the playoffs. So I like my chances.

Other stats from five weeks into the season: the most common record is 3-2 having occurred 13 times, with 10 teams qualifying for the playoffs… second most common is 2-3 having occurred 10 times with only 4 of those teams making the playoffs. There are two shoo-in records, 3-1-1 and 1-3-1 each having occurred one time with both teams making the playoffs. The shutout record is 0-4-1, having occurred only one time with no playoff appearance.(Thank god I didn’t tie this week and ruin my chances of making the playoffs!)

Given all of these stats, my playoff prediction teams are: American BadAss, sprouts, Moves Like Jagger, Joe’s Pats, Frito Pie and Coors Light Drunk Guys.

BEST BENCH

With six NFL teams on byes this past week, there were not a whole lot points left sitting on team’s benches. But with a 37-point improvement, the award for Best Bench goes to… American BadAss!! It would have only taken two roster moves, B. Green-Ellis for C. Benson (21 points) and M. Floyd for D. Moore (16 points).

Get your teams ready for Week 6! We are only one week away from mid-season report cards!

IT'S GOOD TO BE THE KING!

What a week it was! One week after SOFA KING GOOD set a record for the highest score ever from a single team, all teams pitched in to have the highest scoring week in the history of Sacred Sundays. The prior record was 993 points set in Week 2 of 2007… this week 1,000 points were scored, mainly because five teams broke into the triple digits! Two of the teams scoring trips did so in losing efforts, the Midnight Maulers and my Scottish Rebels. Scoring over 100 points is usually going to garner a victory, but as with everything, there are exceptions. Below is a complete analysis of 100+ point scorers and how they have fared over the years.

Speaking of high scorers, big congrats to SOFA KING GOOD for claiming the Weekly High Score Prize for the second week in a row!! I really thought that I was going to get my first victory of the season, when leading by 29 points going into the Sunday Night game. But the Baltimore Defense had other plans, and demolished the Jets while racking up 2 sacks, 1 interception, 3 fumble recoveries, 3 touchdowns and only giving up 11 points. All told that netted the Ravens 35 points on the day, giving James a total of 122 points! Well done Cap’n!!

Two teams are left undefeated (Moves Like Jagger and Joe’s Pats) and two teams are left winless (Scottish Rebels and Midnight Maulers) through four weeks of the season. My money says that two of those four teams will make it to the playoffs this year… but not necessarily the undefeated’s. I’ve updated the playoff statistics to examine how things stand after four weeks of play. More on that below as well…

First, as always, the notable notes of the week:

THE WAY FOOTBALL SHOULD BE PLAYED

- Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 48 pts – It’s hard to imagine just how good of a day Rodgers had. He threw for 408 yards, rushed for 36 yards and accounted for 6 touchdowns (4 passing, 2 rushing)!! BTW- 48 pts is 1 point shy of the record scored by a single player in a single game (Adrian Peterson and Michael Vick have both scored 49).

- Michael Vick, QB – Scottish Rebels – 32 pts – After two sub-par weeks, Vick came alive against the 49ers posting 416 yards passing with 2 TD’s and 75 yards rushing. Let’s all hope this Vick is here to stay.

- Matt Forte, RB – American BadAss – 31 pts – Forte had the second best day ever for a Chicago runner with 205 yards. He now has over 630 combined yards this year, but has only found the endzone twice.

- Beanie Wells, RB – Frito Pie – 31 pts – Forte needs to learn from Wells, who had just 138 yards on the ground, but took it to the house 3 times against the Giants!!

TRY, TRY AGAIN

- Shonn Greene, RB – Frito Pie – 2 pts – The Ravens D had Greene’s number as he only managed 23 yards on 10 carries and did not catch a pass.

- Jermichael Finley, TE – Moves Like Jagger – 2 pts – On a prolific offense like the Packers, you would think that Finley could manage more than 3 catches for just 28 yards.

- Rob Gronkowski, TE – sprouts – 1 pt – I suppose we can cut him a little slack this week considering he was scoring an average of 18.6 points per game coming into this one.

PLAYOFFS – WHO ARE THE REAL CONTENDERS?

After four weeks of play, the most common record since 2007 is 2-2. That record has happened 13 times, but only 5 of those teams made the playoffs (38.5%). The second most common record is 3-1; having occurred 9 times with 7 of those teams making it in (77.8%). The highest playoff qualification record after four weeks is 1-2-1 having occurred twice with both teams making it to the playoffs. The second highest playoff qualification record after four weeks, surprisingly, is 1-3, having occurred 8 times with 7 of those teams making it to the tournament (87.5%).

Most remarkably, in the last four years, only 2 teams have started off 4-0, and only one of those teams made it to the playoffs (50%). Same goes for an 0-4 record, having only occurred twice, with one of those teams making the playoffs. So 4-0 or 0-4, you've only got a 50% shot to make it in...

Based on this highly scientific analysis, my new playoff team predictions are: the Coors Light Drunk Guys, Moves Like Jagger, Frito Pie, SOFA KING GOOD, Lords of Lumberg and Midnight Maulers. (Next week I plan to predict American BadAss and sprouts to make the playoffs so that at the end of the season regardless of who makes it in, I will have predicted it!)

THE CENTURY CLUB

The 100-point mark is a good goal to have each week, as it normally means victory. Since 2007, in head-to-head match-ups teams have scored triple digits 114 times. In only 12 of those occasions has scoring that many points left a team on the losing side. So scoring over 100 means victory 89.5% of the time.

And just in case you are curious, the highest score for a losing team is 116 points… held by the Coors Light Drunk Guys (who lost 116-132 to Lords of Lumberg in Week 6 2009) and my Scottish Rebels (who just lost this week to SOFA KING GOOD, 116-122).

GAME PICK RECAP

Four teams picked four winners correctly this week (Moves Like Jagger, Lords of Lumberg, Coors Light Drunk Guys, and sprouts). So once again, the waiver order is the reverse order of standings. Don’t forget to pick the winners of each game to be #1 on the waiver list!!

BEST BENCH

In a record-scoring week, it makes sense that there weren’t many points left sitting on team’s benches. The Best Bench award for Week 4 was a tie between Joe’s Pats and sprouts, both of whom could have improved their point total by only 18 points with two roster moves. Joe needed E. Decker for B. Marshall (12 pts) and J. Freeman for T. Brady (6 pts), while Russ needed W. McGahee for P. Hillis (5 pts) and D. Bowe for A. Johnson (13 pts).

Bye weeks start this week so make sure your roster has players who are playing!

The King Reigns!!

Records, as they say, are meant to be broken. For two years and three weeks, the record for the most points scored in one week has stood at 145 held by the Coors Light Drunk Guys. But with an absolutely monstrous performance, SOFA KING GOOD broke through that mark and scored an unprecedented 148 points!! The KING dominated everyone this week, as the next closest team was 39 points behind. It was rather fitting too that James broke the record playing against the previous record holder, Shawn. The MVP for SOFA KING GOOD was Darren McFadden, who scorched the Jets defense for 171 yards and 2 TD’s! Well done Cap’n!! May this record stand until it is broken!

In other news, it appears that Timmy has really taken my advice to heart about the irrelevance of kickers and has decided to not even save a roster spot for one. Also, two of the non-playoff teams from last year are undefeated (Frito Pie and Moves Like Jagger), while my defending champion Rebels are winless. Does this mean that my quest for a repeat championship is over? Hardly! A complete analysis of playoff results from the last four years tells a very interesting story…see more below. Also this week, I look at what qualifies for a pass being “nearly intercepted” and get back to some good old-fashioned bashing of the Federal Reserve. First, some notable observations…

NICE

• Wes Welker, WR – Frito Pie – 37 pts – Welker is the current NFL leading receiver with 458 yards and 31 receptions. That’s an average of 152.7 yards and 10.3 catches a game! Oh yeah, and he also has 4 touchdowns through only three games.
• Torrey Smith, WR – Free Agent – 37 pts – If you don’t know who this guy is, don’t worry… the Rams defense didn’t pay any attention to him either. On his first career start, replacing injured Lee Evans, they let him run wild for 152 yards and 3 TDs! And you gotta love this quote from the guy: “I've been playing football forever and I've been making plays forever.”
• Darren McFadden, RB – SOFA KING GOOD – 32 pts – McFadden has a league-high rush yards per game of 131 yards. Weren’t the Raiders supposed to suck this year?
• Joe Flacco, QB – Moves Like Jagger – 30 pts – Nice outing for Torrey Smith’s new best friend. All told, 389 yards passing, 3 TD’s and 27 yards rushing.
• Drew Brees, QB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 29 pts – Playing the way a keeper quarterback should be playing, Brees is averaging 27.3 ppg through the first 3 games. His total would have been even higher, but he tossed two interceptions against the Texans, with his first being his first pick in his last 168 attempts.
• Jermichael Finley, TE – Moves Like Jagger – 26 pts – Tell me what you think of this stat line for a tight end… 85 yards and 3 TD’s! My team didn’t have 3 touchdowns across 8 players, and a tight end gets three?! Damn!

NOT SO MUCH

• Scottish Rebels, ALL – Scottish Rebels – Not one player on my entire roster scored in the double digits this week. Only one place to go from here!
• BenJarvus Green-Ellis, RB – American BadAss – 1 pt – The Law Firm was closed for business Sunday, managing 16 yards on 9 carries for a pathetic 1.78 average.
• Deion Branch, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 0 pts – Branch went without a catch for the first time since his rookie season in 2002.
• James Starks, RB – sprouts – -2 pts – Starks gained just under half a yard on each of his 11 carries, and only managed 9 yards receiving. Add a lost fumble to the mix and you end up with the rarely seen negative score for a player who wasn’t injured during a game. Ouch.

ANNOUNCER UPGRADES

Announcers love to make games sound more exciting, and make the action more complex than it actually is. The “end around” is routinely referred to as a reverse, a reverse is routinely referred to as a double reverse, and a five-man rush has become an “all out blitz”. These are bearable throughout the course of a game, but the one that just drives me crazy is when announcers describe a pass as almost intercepted It seems like any time a defensive player is within a 5-yard radius of an incomplete pass, announcers will fall all over themselves to say “Wow! That pass was nearly picked off!!!” And you can forget about it if a defender actually happens to tip the ball with his hand… those will be described as a play that “should have been a touchdown for the defense.”

Going forward, I am proposing the following criteria for a pass to officially be declared “nearly intercepted”. Jon Gruden, I hope you are paying attention:

1. The defender must be looking at the quarterback AND at the ball. (A defender that is face guarding a receiver is not going to intercept that pass.)
2. The defender must get two hands on the ball. (Even wide receivers, guys that are paid to catch a football, will only very rarely catch the ball with one hand.)
3. The defender must fall to the ground immediately afterwards and punch the ground a minimum of two times in frustration. (Defenders know when they almost had an interception, so if they’re not mad at themselves, it wasn’t close to being intercepted.)

If the play in question does not meet those three criteria, then the play can only be referred to as a “pass defended”.

WANNA MAKE THE PLAYOFFS? START 3-0 OR 0-3

You always hear that it is important to get off to a strong start if you want to have any hope for making it into the playoffs. Three weeks into a season would seem to be a pretty good indicator for how the season is going to shape out. So I’ve gone back and analyzed the records after the first three weeks of the season from 2007 on to see how things ended up, and here are the findings:

- Teams that start the season 3-0 qualify for the playoffs 83.3% of the time (5 out of 6 times). Remarkably, teams starting 0-3 qualify for the playoffs 75% of the time (3 out of 4 times).

- Statistically speaking, you are most likely to qualify for the playoffs (100% of the time) by starting with a record of 1-1-1 after three weeks as the Midnight Maulers did last season. You are least likely to make the playoffs (0% of the time) with a starting record of 0-2-1 after three weeks, as Frito Pie also did last season.

- A starting record of 2-1 has happened 9 times in the last four years, and only 44.4% of those teams made it into the playoffs.

- The most common starting record after three weeks is 1-2, having occurred 17 times, with 58.8% of those teams qualifying.

The bottom-line is that because no team has started 1-1-1 or 0-2-1, no one is a shoo-in and no one has been eliminated. Based on the probabilities, my playoff team predictions are: Joe’s Pats, Frito Pie, Moves Like Jagger, Midnight Maulers, Scottish Rebels and SOFA KING GOOD. Booyow!!

FEDERAL RESERVE REBRANDING

There is an old expression, “If all your have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” The Federal Reserve showed us last week that their only tool is a hammer and they are going to continue using it to bash the United States economy. In case you missed it, the Fed’s latest plan for getting the economy going has been dubbed Operation Twist. Without getting into the details, the plan basically entails swapping short-term debt for long-term debt. But however they try to spin it, it is still the same method that they have always used to try to fix the economy… printing more money.

If I am going to give the Federal Reserve credit for one thing, it is their marketing strategy. They have continually thought of new ways to describe the same activity, while at the same time keeping the American public and the politicians confused about what they are actually doing. First it was a “stimulus”, then it was “Quantitative Easing, Parts 1 & 2”, then there was talk of “policy accommodation” and now “Operation Twist”. All of these plans employ the same method—flooding the market with dollars in an effort to boost consumption. Only this method has not worked and will not work to fix the economy. All it does is serve to devalue dollars already in circulation, drive interest rates lower (which discourages saving and investing) and raise the prices for goods.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. It is long past due for the American people to recognize this insanity and put an end to the most insidious and corrupt organization ever established, the Federal Reserve.

GAME PICK RECAP

Three owners picked four of the games correctly this week, Jens, Joe and Shawn. Since there is a tie between the most correct picks this week, the waiver order will simply be the inverse order of the league standings.

BEST BENCH

It was a pretty good week all around in terms of teams playing their optimal roster. Ultimately, it was last week’s high scorer, Moves Like Jagger, that took home the title of Best Bench for Week 3. Jens could have improved his total by 43 points with four roster moves: J. Flacco for B. Roethlisberger (+14), S. Rice for K. Britt (+11), A. Bradshaw for B. Tate (+11) and the Giants D for the Jets D (+7).

Get your waiver claims in and get your rosters set for Week 4!

Start Me Up! Week 2 - 2011

Moves Like Jagger - a super cool uptempo song from maroon 5 featuring christina aguilera! Catchy whistle in various parts of the song.

Take me by the tongue and I'll know ya

Kiss me till you're drunk and I’ll show you

all the MOVES LIKE JAGGER

i got the MOVES LIKE JAGGER

i got the MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES LIKE JAGGER

Just wanted to make sure everyone knows what they lost to this week. That is the Urban Dictionary definition of “Moves Like Jagger”… everyone is playing second fiddle to a Maroon 5 song featuring Christina Aguilera. Lol! When I saw the new team name for Tailgate Approved, I was really hoping it was some sort of sexual position involving a tongue, but oh well... What do you know?!?

Congratulations to Jens for being the Week 2 High Score Prize Winner! Joe’s Pats put on late run to try to catch his total, but in the end it was not enough. Six of Jagger’s players scored over 15 points and four of those scored more than 18 points! That is awesome scoring consistency across the line-up… something that my Scottish Rebels seem afraid to do. (James and Russ – You guys know what I’m talking about, right? Yeah you do.)

Week Numero Uno saw a tight battle for the High Score Prize, with American Bad Ass just edging Frito Pie by 1 point, 112 to 111. American Bad Ass had monster performances from Aaron Rodgers and Matt Forte in Week 1, while Frito Pie had a 31-point performance from Wes Welker thanks to a 99-yard touchdown catch. And how about this… the bottom two teams from the 2010 standings were the top two scorers in the first week! How about that for parity?!

So let’s get right to it and do this thang!!

THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT

§ Vincent Jackson, WR – Scottish Rebels – 32 pts – Two catches for 31 yards. Oh wait, that was Jackson’s week 1 stat line. This week he had 10 catches for 172 yards and 2 TD’s! Remember that consistency thing I was talking about?

§ Jeremy Maclin, WR – Midnight Maulers – 32 pts – With an almost identical stat line to V Jax, Maclin finished with 171 yards on 13 catches, and had 2 TD’s!

§ Miles Austin, WR – American Bad Ass – 32 pts – Rounding out the trifecta for receivers this week, Miles Austin scored his points by finding the endzone 3 times (!) and tacking on an additional 143 yards receiving. Amazing week to be a wide receiver.

§ Tom Brady, QB – Joe’s Pats – 31 pts – Just to make sure that everyone knows he’s the best quarterback in the league, Brady followed up his week 1 performance (517 yards, 4 TD’s) with another beast of a an outing, adding 423 yards and 3 TD’s!

§ Cam Newton, QB – Joe’s Pats – 29 pts – Let’s all be thankful that we are only allowed to start one quarterback in our league. Joe owns the top two fantasy players overall with both Brady and Newton.

WIGGITY WIGGITY WACK

§ Vernon Davis, TE – Lords of Lumberg – 1 pt – Slow start for Davis this year, as he only has 5 points through the first two weeks.

§ Reggie Bush, RB – sprouts – 1 pt – I’ll let the Yahoo! News report sum up this one: “Bush was awful Sunday in a 23-13 loss to Houston. Bush carried six times for 18 yards and had a three-yard reception. This was a terrible effort.” Ouch. I mean come on Reggie, sure you scored 14 points in Week 1, but what have you done for us lately?!

§ Oakland, D – American Bad Ass – 1 pt – Oakland gave up 38 points to the Buffalo Bills. That’s equivalent to 96 points against the Patriots. Not good…

§ Mike Williams, WR – Lords of Lumberg – 0 pts – His official stat line, I kid you not, is 1 reception for -4 yards. Wonder if the quarterback actually threw a pass backwards 4 yards, or if he somehow caught a pass downfield and then actually ran 4 yards backwards…

§ Antonio Gates, TE – sprouts – 0 pts – Gates only had one pass thrown his way the entire game and finished with no catches vs. the Patriots. I think it’s obvious here that Bill Belichik has Vincent Jackson on his fantasy team and was playing against Gates this week. Am I right?

BEATING A DEAD HORSE

The “Beating A Dead Horse” Award for this year so far goes to Joe’s Pats for pulling the trigger and adding Peyton Manning to his roster. This is a pony that is on the train to Retirementville. How many professional athletes have you heard of “undergoing experimental stem cell therapy in Europe on their injured neck” that come back to throw for 5,000 yards? Probably not going to see it happen. It is fun to see Tom Brady and Peyton Manning on the same team, though…

GAME PICK RECAP

There were more correct picks in the games this week than last, but in the end, our Weekly High Score Winner for the week also picked the most correct games! Way to go Jensy! By being the only manager to pick himself to defeat American Bad Ass, Jens picked 4 of 5 games correctly. Frito Pie, American Bad Ass and sprouts all had 3 of 5 picked correctly this week.

This means that Moves Like Jagger will be #1 on the waiver wire list this week, with teams following in reverse order of standings. Be sure to get your picks in each week!

BEST BENCH(ES)

Two weeks have gone by, so there are two Best Bench awards to give out. In Week 1, it looked like sprouts was a shoo-in for the Best Bench by having Steve Smith score 31 points on his bench. But sprouts only had a 58-point improvement, six points short of the total put up by the Midnight Maulers! Jamie could have improved his total by 64 points in the first week with four roster moves: Chicago D for San Diego (+21 pts), M. Tolbert for F. Gore (+20 pts), D. Sproles for D. Williams (+13 pts), and J. Cutler for M. Ryan (+10 pts).

This week wasn’t even close… with a 50-point improvement possibility the Week 2 award goes to my Scottish Rebels! And it would have only taken two roster moves to accomplish it… V. Jackson for D. Jackson (+30 pts) and J. Best for A. Foster (+20 pts).

Get those waiver claims in, get your rosters set and get your winners picked! It's time for Week 3!!!