I never knew that shirtless pelvic gyrations were such a powerful force in football… For the second time this season, Moves Like Jagger take the crown for the Highest Score, and take the top spot in the league with an unblemished 5-0 record! Well-done Jensy! Moves Like Jagger has scored an impressive 531 points this season, but the top spot in the scoring department belongs to SOFA KING GOOD who has put up 535 points this season. In spite of that, SOFA KING GOOD has a record of 2-3! Just goes to show how important match-ups are each week.

Speaking of match-ups, over the last two weeks the team that has scored the most points (227) has also had the most points scored against them (235). That would be my Scottish Rebels, still searching for that elusive first victory. And as they say, misery loves company, so the Midnight Maulers have also not yet tasted the sweet nectar of victory. Six teams are either at 3-2 or 2-3, so the field is still wide open. See below for the stats on Week 5 starting records. Back on the points scored over the last two weeks, one interesting factoid is that the team that has scored the lowest (sprouts with 157 points) has also had the fewest points scored against them (165). That must mean something, I just don't know what! I digress… let’s get to it!!

BIG TIME, BILL! BIG TIME!

• Adrian Peterson, RB – Scottish Rebels – 30 pts – Running like a man possessed, Peterson scored all three of his touchdowns in the first quarter! That is what is known in Fantasy Football as a touchdown orgy.
• Ben Roethlisberger, QB – Moves Like Jagger – 27 pts – Big Ben became the first player in Steelers history to throw for 5 touchdowns in a game for the second time in his career. Even Bradshaw only accomplished that once.
  
• Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 26 pts – Rodgers continues on his quest to show that he is the greatest quarterback in the league. He has not scored less than 21 points in a week this year, and is currently averaging 28 points per game. That is big time!
• Ben-Jarvus Green-Ellis, RB – American BadAss – 26 pts – Two weeks ago, The Law Firm scored 1 point. Last week he scored 13. This week he scored 26. Based on this progression, my prediction for his Week 6 total is 40. You heard it here.
• Jahvid Best, RB – Scottish Rebels – 25 pts – It must be fun to run 88 yards down the football field during a game without so much as a defender even breathing in your direction. Best got to do just that on Monday night against the Bears, on what was an absolutely spectacular touchdown run. If he had only found the endzone one more time, I would be trying to convince Rachel to name our kid Jahvid. Guess we’ll have to stick with LaDainian…
• Fred Jackson, RB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 25 pts – Fred Jackson of the Buffalo Bills is the top runningback in the league. He has scored 97 points through five weeks. That is fourpoints ahead the second best runner, LeSean McCoy. The Drunk Guys took Jackson in the 8th round, after 27 other runningbacks had been selected. Yeah, I’d say that’s getting good value.

WHAT IN THE...

• Jordy Nelson, WR – Joe’s Pats – 1 pt – Aaron Rodgers throws the ball a lot, but he also throws it to a lot of receivers. Against the Falcons, Rodgers completed passes to 12 different receivers, and that’s only because linemen are ineligible. Otherwise, I believe it would have been 17 different receivers. Nelson managed to get three catches, but only went for 17 yards.
• Dexter McCluster, RB – Lords of Lumberg – 1 pt – Only 18 total yards for McCluster (8 rushing, 10 receiving). Timmy’s still waiting for the next Priest Holmes…
• Dustin Keller, TE – Scottish Rebels – 0 pts – The leading receiver for the Jets going into the game, and he finished with 1 catch for 7 yards. Dang…Puh-thet-tick.
• Denarious Moore, WR – American BadAss – 0 pts – You know that old saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”… here is all Yahoo! had to say about the game Denarious had on Sunday: “WR Denarius Moore had his longest punt return of the season of 21 yards.” HAHAHA…his highlight was a 21-yard punt return. Hilarious!

GAME PICK RECAP

There was a tie for the most correct picks in the Weekly Matchups again this week. Joe’s Pats and SOFA KING GOOD both were correct with three of their picks. Therefore, the waiver order is the reverse order of standings.

Don’t forget to pick the winners of each game to be #1 on the waiver list!!

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM

With the high scores posted the last couple weeks, I got curious about what the highest score possible would be. So below I have assembled the weekly dream team, affectionately named, “The Dreamers”. This week The Dreamers’ roster is full of a lot of unlikely players… Matt Cassel, BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Pierre Garcon and Joel Dressen… all were top performers in their positions. (Kudos to Joel Dressen’s mom for having him in her line-up this week.) The Dreamers netted 194 points for the week. Here is the breakdown of each position…

The Dreamers

QB – Matt Cassel, KC – 27 pts

RB – Adrian Peterson, MIN – 30 pts

RB – BenJarvus Green-Ellis, NE – 26 pts

WR – Pierre Garcon, IND – 24 pts

WR – Dwayne Bowe, KC – 24 pts

TE – Joel Dressen, HOU – 17 pts

K – Sebastian Janikowski, OAK – 20 pts

DEF – Seattle – 26 pts

Total – 194

And, check out the scores from the top free agents this week. “The Unwanteds” rang up a total of 145 points, which would have taken the Weekly High Score by a wide margin. (Pierre Garcon, Joel Dressen and Seattle all share the honor of being on both squads).

The Unwanteds

QB – Curtis Painter, IND – 19 pts

RB – Jackie Battle, KC – 13 pts

RB – Jonathan Dwyer, Pit – 10 pts

WR – Pierre Garcon, IND – 24 pts

WR – Victor Cruz, NYG – 23 pts

TE – Joel Dressen, HOU – 17 pts

K – Stephen Gostkowski, NE – 13 pts

DEF – Seattle – 26 pts

Total – 145

PLAYOFFS… WHERE WINGS TAKE DREAM

Starting 5-0 is impressive, and is also a rarity. Only two times prior to this season has a team started off with that record. Even more rare, is starting off 0-5. Prior to this season there has never been a team to start winless for five weeks, and now we have two in one season! The previous two 5-0 starts ended with one team qualifying for the playoffs and one team missing out. So right now Moves Like Jagger has a 50/50 shot to make it in. Given that there is no history for 0-5, I can honestly say that no team has started 0-5 and not made the playoffs. So I like my chances.

Other stats from five weeks into the season: the most common record is 3-2 having occurred 13 times, with 10 teams qualifying for the playoffs… second most common is 2-3 having occurred 10 times with only 4 of those teams making the playoffs. There are two shoo-in records, 3-1-1 and 1-3-1 each having occurred one time with both teams making the playoffs. The shutout record is 0-4-1, having occurred only one time with no playoff appearance.(Thank god I didn’t tie this week and ruin my chances of making the playoffs!)

Given all of these stats, my playoff prediction teams are: American BadAss, sprouts, Moves Like Jagger, Joe’s Pats, Frito Pie and Coors Light Drunk Guys.

BEST BENCH

With six NFL teams on byes this past week, there were not a whole lot points left sitting on team’s benches. But with a 37-point improvement, the award for Best Bench goes to… American BadAss!! It would have only taken two roster moves, B. Green-Ellis for C. Benson (21 points) and M. Floyd for D. Moore (16 points).

Get your teams ready for Week 6! We are only one week away from mid-season report cards!