The King is Crowned!!

I’ve called him Jameson, Cap’N and MAJOR, and now everyone can simply call him Champ!  James rode Beast-mode to a victory Sunday night to become only the second team in Sacred Sundays history to win the league championship more than once.  James won his first championship back in 2005, and now is back on top nine years later!  Early on this time it was looking doubtful as Marshawn Lynch didn’t start Sunday night’s game for the Seahawks, and didn’t even really appear interested to go into the game as he was apparently suffering from an upset stomach.  But ultimately he got in the game and just thrashed the Cardinals defense, finishing with 23 points and giving Sofa King Back Baby a 4-point victory over Vandelay Industries!  Way to go MAJOR!!!  You are the CHAMPION!!!

Much credit has to go to Louis and Vandelay Industries as well, who in only their second season claimed 2 Weekly High Score Prizes, won the South Division and finished as the 2nd place team overall!  Andrew Luck had been an absolute stud all season, but became an absolute dud in the championship game registering a big fat goose egg.  It is odd how it works out that way sometimes with big-time players not showing up in the big-time moments.  But it was still a super successful season and I tip my hat to you!

Also for the final Weekly high Score Prize of the year, the congratulations go to the X German Overlords who started Ryan Tannehill of all people, who went on to have a career game against the Vikings, throwing for 396 yards and 4 TD’s...finishing with 32 points.  That, along with Odell Beckham Jr.’s 26 points gave Jens 97 for the week which topped all scorers, and secured a third place overall finish.  Well done Jens!  As you said in Week 10, you had your team built to play well in the final weeks of the season, and they did just that.  Not sure how, but they did.  What do you know?!?!?

As far as the rest of the standings, here is how things broke down:
1) Sofa King Back Baby – James
2) Vandelay Industries – Louis
3) X German Overlords – Jens
4) Scottish Rebels – Jerry
5) American BadAss – Jason
6) sprouts – Russ
7) Coors Light Drunk Guys – Shawn
8) Joe’s Pats – Joe
9) Channel 4 News Team – Timmy
10) Midnight Maulers – Jamie

The draft order for 2015 will be the reverse order of those standings, so start prepping now! *LOL*
 Keepers will need to be declared one week after the conclusion of the NFL draft which takes place at the end of April.  I’ll send out emails as we get closer to that.  Also, preliminary plans right now are to have the draft over Labor Day Weekend again and to meet up in Vegas once again!  Shawn has already said that he is going to be there (with his wallet this time), so you don’t want to miss seeing that!  Ha!  Once we get around keeper declaration time, we’ll start looking at making more definitive plans.

Here is the final tally on money winnings for this season:
1) Sofa King Back Baby – James - $375 (3 Weekly High Scores + Championship)
2) X German Overlords – Jens - $217 (3 Weekly High Scores + 3rd Place)
3) Vandelay Industries – Louis - $213 (2 Weekly High Scores + 2nd Place)
4) American BadAss – Jason - $150 (3 Weekly High Scores)
5) Scottish Rebels – Jerry - $145 (2 Weekly High Scores + 4th Place)
6) Coors Light Drunk Guys – Shawn - $100 (2 Weekly High Scores)
7) Joe’s Pats – Joe - $50 (1 Weekly High Score)

Congrats to everyone who won cash!  I will send each of you a separate email to make sure I have your correct address and will get checks mailed out this week.

Lastly, it has been an awesome season…I can’t hardly believe that we have already come to the end.  These 16 weeks of football just seem to fly by!  Many thanks to all you guys for making this league so much fun and giving me an excuse to watch football all day on Sunday.  I’m already looking forward to next year’s draft and season!

But we wouldn’t be complete this year without awarding the final Best Bench…  And it is only fitting that the master of the bench finished the year with his best effort of all!  So for Week 16, and for the sixth time this year, the Best Bench goes to… Joe’s Pats!!  As mentioned before, this was Joe’s best Best Bench of the year with an impressive 57-point improvement possibility.  Four roster moves:  A. Gates for T. Wright (+20), R. Wilson for M. Ryan (+19), A. Jeffery for T. Hilton (+13) and C. Ivory for L. Blount (+5).


So that puts a wrap on this season… Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you and your families!!

Wildcard Weekend!!

Wildcard weekend has wrapped up, so now there are only four teams left vying for the 2014 Championship!  In the first wildcard game, Jens' newly named "Sprouted" sprang to life and amassed an awesome 132 points!  Sprouted did it with great games from the St. Louis Defense (2nd shutout in a row!, 30 pts), Jordy Nelson (26 pts) and Jay Cutler (25 pts, what the hell?!).  Russ' sprouts meanwhile had a rough go of it, primarily because Peyton Manning posted a measly 2 points, and sprouts only player to score double digits was his kicker, Stephen Gostkowski.  But congratulation on the big game Jens!  That is the second highest single-week total this season and is the second Weekly High Score Prize for Where Is Shawn's Wallet/Down Goes Jason/Sofa King Stupid/PappaNobleJr2/BeatsByRay/Brady Gaga/Lovin the Bye Week/Fantasy Nightmare/German Kickers/Brusselsprouts/Starck Industries/3rd Down Cowbell/They Call Him Daddy/Sprouted.

In the second wildcard game, Sofa King Back Baby took out the juggernaut that is American BadAss, and left Jason out of the Final Four for only the 4th time in Sacred Sundays history.  It was a close game too, only separated by 5 points.  Sofa King Back Baby got a huge game from Le'Veon Bell (44 pts) which pretty much carried him to the victory.  For BadAss, Aaron Rodgers nearly closed the gap on Monday night with a solid 27-point performance, but came up just short.

Just a quick write-up this week, so let's get to it!

NOW THAT'S THE INSIDE STUFF
-Le'Veon Bell, RB - Sofa King Back Baby – 44 pts – Games like this don’t happen very often, and to get one in the playoffs is truly a magical thing.  Bell went crazy for 185 yards and 2 TD’s on the ground, plus 50 yards and 1 TD receiving.  This ties for the 12th highest single-week point total for a player all-time, and the 6th highest for a runningback all-time.

-Cam Newton, QB – Channel 4 News Team – 35 pts – This is the dominating Cam Newton that we are used to seeing…dude had 226 yards and 3 TD’s through the air, plus had 83 yards and a TD on the ground.  Love that!

-Julio Jones, WR – Joe’s Pats – 34 pts – Jones came out in the second half against Green Bay like a man possessed and nearly won the game for the Falcons.  He finished with 259 yards (on only 11 catches), plus a TD.  He nearly had a second TD, but got tackled at the 5 yard line on a long run.

-Matt Ryan, QB – Joe’s Pats – 34 pts – Ryan had his best game of the season, throwing for 375 yards and 4 TD’s but added one interception.

-Ben Roethlisberger, QB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 31 pts – Big Ben got all his points through the air, literally.  Threw for 350 yards plus 3 TD’s, and had 1 carry for -1 yard.  Let’s just say hes not very mobile.


COME ON, MAN!
-Peyton Manning, QB – sprouts – 2 pts – This is the only Come On Man that I can do this week because it is just so shocking.  I’ve kept good week by week player records for the last 3 seasons, and Peyton has only scored in single digits one other time…Week 2 of 2012 when he had 7 points.  Manning’s line this week against the Bills…178 yds, 0 TD’s and 2 interceptions.  Make sure you remember where you were when you saw this, because this is a rarity.

PLAYOFFS??!?
Semi-final matchups this week, and thankfully, the games listed on the website are correct.  My Scottish Rebels will face off against the giant-killing Sofa King Back Baby and Vandelay Industries will battle Sprouted.  Also, to determine the 5th and 6th place finishes, American BadAss will play sprouts.  Remember that all teams are still eligible to win the Weekly High Score Prize, so make sure you have your line-up ready!


BEST BENCH
I’m almost to the point of renaming this segment “Joe’s Bench”, because Joe’s Pats continue to dominate when it comes to bench players.  For the second week in a row, and for the fifth time this season, Joe claims another Best Bench.  And just like last week, he had another 40-point improvement possibility with four roster moves:  J. Jones for E. Sanders +28, M. Ryan for R. Wilson +6, J. Cameron for T. Wright +4 and C. Ivory for L. McCoy +2.


Only two weeks to go this season!!!  It's the final stretch!

Let the playoffs begin!!!

What a way to finish out the regular season!  Five teams broke the 100-point barrier, and three of those teams broke the 120-point barrier!  Also, bucking the trend that we have seen recently, all of the teams that scored over 100 won their games.  That makes a total of 39 times this season that teams have broken the triple-digit mark, with 34 of those resulting in victories.  A win percentage of 87.2% is why I always recommend scoring over 100 if you want to give your team the best chance to win.  Historically speaking, the win percentage for scoring over 100 points is 87.7%, so this season has been practically right in line with that.  Two more notes on the scores this week: 1) This is only the third time in Sacred Sundays history that 5 or more teams scored over 100 points, and 2) the 978 points scored this week mark the 5th highest single-week scoring total ever.

But none were higher this week that Mr. Shawn Martin and his Coors Light Drunk Guys who set a season-high record with a stellar 140-point performance.  F.  N.  A.  Nice!  The Drunk Guys got terrific performances from Drew Brees (30 points) and recent addition DeAndre Hopkins (38 points).  Add to that Arian Foster’s 15 and the Denver D’s 15, and Shawn was unstoppable this week.  Well done senor!

Now everyone's thoughts should be geared toward the playoffs.  The Yahoo! site does not allow me a lot of flexibility in terms of setting playoff match-ups, so don't go by what you see on the site.  See below for actual playoff qualifiers and seeding.

But first, some quick hits...

AWWYEAH!
-Ryan Fitzpatrick, QB - Free Agent - 42 pts - This guy is only owned in 8% of all leagues, and probably only started in like 0.2% of those.  So those four teams that started him were treated to a 6 touchdown, 358 yard performance.  Holy cow! (Get it?...Because the Texans' helmet has a cow on it?...*tap tap* Is this thing on?)

-DeAndre Hopkins, WR - Coors Light Drunk Guys - 38 pts - What a way to welcome a guy to your team?!  238 yards and 2 TD’s…just doesn’t get much better.

-Andrew Luck, QB - Vandelay Industries - 35 pts - Just another day at the office for Luck, tossing a mere 5 TD's and 370 yards.  Luck leads all fantasy scorers by 26 with 307 points scored this year.

-Le'Veon Bell, RB - Sofa King Back - 33 pts - Solid game on the ground for Bell, rushing 21 times for 95 yards and a TD, but he did even better catching the ball 8 times for 159 yards!

-Tre Mason, RB - sprouts - 33 pts - Mason was rolling against the Raiders and finished with 164 total yards (117 rushing, 47 receiving) and 3 touchdowns (2 rushing, 1 receiving).

-St. Louis, DEF – WhatDoYouKnow 2 – 32 pts – After a game like that, the NFL might need to consider installing a mercy rule.  I mean, 52-0?  Six sacks, five turnovers and 1 touchdown.  That just shouldn’t happen at the pro level.  But playing against the Raiders might not qualify as playing against a pro-level team.

-Drew Brees, QB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 30 pts – A quarterback throws five touchdown passes and he’s not the top QB for the week...or even the second best?  This league has gone pass wacky.

-Philip Rivers, QB – Midnight Maulers – 29 pts – This was the week of QB’s.

-Colt McCoy, QB – Free Agent – 29 pts – See what I mean?

-Ben Roethlisberger, QB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 28 pts – I wasn’t kidding.

-Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 27 pts – I can keep going all night.


COME ON, MAN!
-Tim Wright, TE – Joe’s Pats – 1 pt – On the flip side, it really sucked to be a tight end this week.

-Delanie Walker, TE – American BadAss – 0 pts – See what I mean?

-Jimmy Graham, TE – Sofa King Back Baby – 0 pts – Really?  Graham?

-Jason Witten, TE – Vandelay Industries – 0 pts – You too, Witten?  Come on man!


ALL UNDRAFTEDS
This has been an extremely challenging year for our Undrafted Squad, although they did show a bit of life in Week 12 and finished with 124 points and their second victory of the season.  Week 13 represents their (thankfully) final game of the season.  Here is how these poor chaps fared:
Jake Locker Ten 1
Justin Forsett Bal 11
Mark Ingram NO 12
Greg Jennings Min 10
Allen Hurns Jax 4
Delanie Walker Ten 0
Minnesota Min 27
Matt Bryant Atl 18
Total 83
With the league average of 97.4, this goes down as one final loss, for a final record of 2-11.  There were a few gems on this team this season (Steve Smith Sr, Minnesota D) but by and large I think it was pretty obvious why these guys went undrafted.


PLAYOFFS?? DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!!
As mentioned earlier, Yahoo! does not provide me with much (or any) flexibility on setting playoff match-ups and does not follow the tie-breakers and seedings that we use for the playoffs.  As we have always done, the top two teams from each division automatically qualify along with two wildcard teams.  So here is how the seeds breakdown:

#1 – Scottish Rebels – North Division Champion and best overall record.
#2 – Vandelay Industries – South Division Champion by virtue of best record in division.
#3 – American BadAss – North Division Runner-up by virtue of division record.
#4 – sprouts – South Division Runner-up by virtue of overall record.
#5 – WhatDoYouKnow 2 – Wildcard #1 by virtue of overall record.
#6 – Sofa King Back Baby – Wildcard #2 by virtue of win-loss record against Coors Light Drunk Guys.

The remaining teams finish in this order:
#7 – Coors Light Drunk Guys – by virtue of overall record.
#8 – Joe’s Pats – by virtue of overall record.
#9 – Channel 4 News Team – by virtue of total points scored.
#10 – Midnight Maulers – rough season.
So this means that Jamie George will be picking first in next season’s draft.  Jamie, you are on the clock!

As far as the matchups go for Week 14, my Rebels and Vandelay Industries have a bye, American BadAss plays Sofa King Back Baby, and sprouts plays WhatDoYouKnow 2.  Remember that in the playoffs there are no tie games…any ties prior to the Championship game go to the higher seeded team.  Tie games in the Championship game will be settled as follows: 1) Team with the highest scoring QB wins, 2) Team with the highest scoring RB wins, 3) Team with the highest scoring WR wins, 4) If still tied at that point, co-champions will be declared.  Now as a reminder what we are playing for, here is a breakdown on the prize money:
Champion - $225
Runner-up - $113
3rd Place - $67
4th Place - $45
Lastly, remember that throughout the playoffs all teams are still eligible to win the Weekly High Score prize, so make sure you have your roster set each week!


ESOTERIC JOKE(S)
I figured I’d do a flashback to a running item from last season:
-It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they take things literally.

-There are two types of people in the world: Those who crave closure

And finally, one for Jensy:
-A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini.  The bartender asks, “Dry?”  He replies “Nein, just one.”


BEST BENCH
In 13 weeks, 7 different teams have claimed a Best Bench.  No team has won it more times than this week’s winner, who pulled down their fourth of the season.  So for the fourth time, and with a 40-point improvement possibility, the Week 13 Best Bench goes to…Joe’s Pats.  This time Joe need four roster moves: J. Jones for E. Sanders (+20), A. Jeffrey for TY Hilton (+7), A. Gates for T. Wright (+7) and D. Martin for L. Blount (+6).


Now is when it really counts!  Get ready for Round 1 of the playoffs!!

Double it up!!

That is the way you do it!  Two in a row!  For the first time since Week 4 of last year we have a back-to-back Weekly High Score winner.  Channel 4 News Team was the last one to do it, and now Major James Hand has accomplished the feat with another dominating performance this week.  James had big games from Mike Evans and Le’Veon Bell who both scored over 30 points, and he had Tom Brady add 14.  Well done sir!  And speaking of two-in-a-rows, for the second week in a row the 2nd highest scoring team lost to the highest scoring team.  Sorry Jens...

Now with only two games left in the regular season, everyone should be thinking playoffs.  An interesting thing has happened between the two divisions.  Every team in the North Division has a winning record and only one team in the South Division has a winning record.  Depending on how these final weeks play out, the second place team in the South Division could qualify for the playoffs with a losing record.  How weird would that be?  Check out below for each team’s playoff scenarios.  Also, check out the mind-blowing revelation that I made this week...

So on with it!!


OH YEAH!!
-Jonas Gray, RB – Free Agent – 46 pts – Highest single-game score ever for a New England Patriot.  Crazy.  Did not see this one coming...

-Mike Evans, WR – Sofa King Back Baby – 35 pts – Over the last three games, Evans is averaging nearly 26 points.  That is 8 points better than the next closest wide receiver (Emmanuel Sanders).

-Green Bay, DEF – Free Agent – 32 pts – The Packers dropped the hammer on the Eagles and sacked Dirty Sanchez 3 times, got 2 interceptions and 2 fumble recoveries (2 of which were returned for touchdowns), and had a punt return touchdown.

-Jamaal Charles, RB – Channel 4 News Team – 29 pts – Jamaal scored 2 touchdowns to go along with 159 yards.  That makes 7 touchdowns in his last 6 games.  !Me gusto!

-Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 28 pts – Rodgers has scored over 20 points in his last 5 games, and over 25 points in four of those.  That is just utter domination!


COME ON, MAN…
-T.Y. Hilton, WR – Joe’s Pats – 2 pts – On the bright side, this was Tyrone’s Youngin’ worst game of the season.

-Trent Richardson, RB – Channel 4 News Team – 2 pts – Richardson is going to get a chance to shine with Ahmad Bradshaw out.  You are liable to see him score 4 points...maybe...

-Jimmy Graham, TE – Sofa King Back Baby – 2 pts – After going for 11, 14 and 19 points, Graham was bound to cool off.  Just didn’t think it would come on a home game against the Bengals.

-Martavis Bryant, WR – American BadAss – 1 pt – Not a good night for Martavis as he only managed 2 catches for 11 yards.

-Travis Kelce, TE – Channel 4 News Team – 1 pt – Excluding Week 9’s 12-point performance, Kelce has not gotten more than four points in his last 5 games and has posted back-to-back 1-point games.

-Terrance West, RB – Midnight Maulers – 1 pt – West got 12 yards on 5 carries.  But as bad as that sounds, it wasn’t as bad as Browns running back Ben Tate who finished with -9 yards on two carries.  That’s just funny.

-Vernon Davis, TE – Midnight Maulers – 0 pts – Davis’ season looked so bright in Week 1 after scoring 16 points.  Since then he has scored 9 points.  Nine freaking points in nine games.  Y-U-C-K.


PLAYOFFS?!
It is an unbelievably tight race coming into these final two weeks.  Because of the way it has worked out, both wildcard spots are going to come from the North Division.  Also, the South Division teams are only battling for Division Runner-up as Vandelay has already claimed the division title.  Here are some possible scenarios:
In For Sure:
-Vandelay Industries – Claimed the South Division title.  Three games ahead with only two left means that no one can catch them.
-Scottish Rebels – In the playoffs and can claim the North Division title by winning both remaining games or by winning one game and a loss from American BadAss.
-American BadAss – In the playoffs and can claim the North Division title by winning both remaining games PLUS two losses from Scottish Rebels.

Most Likely Eliminated
-Channel 4 News Team – It appears that even if the News Boys win out, the best case scenario would be a tie with the Midnight Maulers, where they would lose on the division record tie-breaker.

Everyone Else
-Joe’s Pats – Win one game PLUS one loss from Midnight Maulers.
-Midnight Maulers – Win both games PLUS one loss from Joe’s Pats.
-sprouts – Win both games PLUS two losses from Joe’s Pats.
-Sofa King Back Baby – Win both remaining games.
-3rd Down Cowbell – Win both remaining games.
-Coors Light Drunk Guys – Win both remaining games.

From the looks of it, there are going to be a lot of tie-breakers used in the North Division.  Read last week’s column for a summary of the tie-breakers.  Do not refer to the tie-breakers that Yahoo! has listed on the website, as we will not use those.  Bottom line for all teams still in contention – Win both of your remaining games and you will probably make it in.

ARE THOSE BUGLE BOY JEANS?
Prepare to have your mind blown.  The waist size on your pants is not the measurement around your waist.  You know how women’s clothes use a ridiculous sizing method with only one number that is somehow supposed to translate to a length and a width?  Women grab a size 8 pair of pants off the rack, and really have no idea if it will fit or not, as the waist might be perfect but the length is too short, or the length is perfect but the waist is wrong, or both the waist and the length are wrong even though a size 8 fits perfect in a different brand.  The rationale with women’s clothes sizing is that no woman wants to be a size 36 waist, so the manufacturers call that an 8, or a 7, or a 9, or who knows?  Call it “vanity sizing”.  This has always been something that I’ve included on my “Why it’s better to be a man” list, in that men don’t have to fret so much when buying pants because our pants just have the waist and length measurements stamped on the tag.

Well as it turns out, I have been led horribly astray.  Apparently men’s pants have the same “vanity sizing” going on.  Over the weekend, I just happened to grab a tape measure and measure my waist.  To my dismay, it was not 34 inches as my pant size would have me believe…nope, it was a solid 37 inches.  (Healthy boy!!)  A quick internet search turned up the truth that a 34 waist size does not mean a 34-inch waist.  Wait…what?!  Even worse is that it can vary quite dramatically across clothing manufacturers and retailers.  According to one report, a 36 waist size can measure from 37 inches to all the way up to 41 inches!  (The 41-inch size 36 pants can be found at Old Navy).  As mentioned before...my mind is blown.


ALL UNDRAFTEDS
Things have gone from bad to worse for our poor undrafted team… this last week was just a mess as both quarterbacks are not playing, all four wide receivers scored zero (either due to bye weeks or just sucking), and both tight ends were on bye weeks.  So they only managed a measly 35 points, which goes down as another loss, dropping their record to 1-10.


BEST BENCH
They say good things come in three’s, so this week’s Best Bench winner is taking home their third Best Bench this season, and only needed three roster moves to do it.  Also, they had a 31-point improvement possibility (see that “3” in there?).  Without further adieu, this week’s Best Bench goes to…Joe’s Pats!!  All Joe needed to do was swap A. Jeffery for TY Hilton (+17), R. Wilson for M. Ryan (+8) and Steelers for Patriots (+6).


Okay, only two weeks left of the regular season!  This is the last week we have to contend with bye weeks.  Get your waiver claims in and get your rosters ready!!

The King has returned...

It's good to be the king...

As George Costanza famously said, “I’m back in business, baby!”  James is now making that same claim after a dominating Week 10 performance and posting the highest score of the season, 138 points!!  Sofa King Back Baby got great performances from Marshawn Lynch and Dez Bryant who combined for 70 points, along with 19 points from Jimmy Graham.  Not bad when you can get 89 points from just three players.  The victory moves James to a 5-5 record and right in the thick of the playoff hunt.  More on that below.  Awesome job, MAJOR!!

Last week it was Brusselsprouts who put on the big show and pulled down a Weekly high Score Prize with a solid 122-point performance.  Jens did it on the back of Ryan Tannehill (27 pts) and Alfred Morris (22 pts) along with a pair of 18-point performances from Odell Beckham Jr. and Andre Ellington.  Jens’ victory came against sprouts who had the 2nd highest total of the week, which is the second time this season that that has happened to sprouts.  Ouch for Russ, but nice job Jensy!!

Since Jens won a High Score Prize last week, and James won one this week, that makes 7 different teams that have won a prize this season.  Now with only 3 weeks left of the regular season, it is time to start prepping for the playoffs!  Below is a first look at what it will take for each team to get in.

But first, some quick observations…


BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA
-Marshawn Lynch, RB – Sofa King Back Baby – 40 pts – That’s why they call him “Beast Mode”!  Lynch was on fire, rattling off 140 yards and 4!!! touchdowns!  Lynch's performance tied for the 5th best fantasy performance by a runningback in Sacred Sundays history.

-Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 36 pts – When you throw for 315 yards and 6 touchdowns, people will say you had a great game.  When you throw for 315 yards and 6 touchdowns in the first half of a game, people will start to wonder if you were playing against a high school defense.  Hard to imagine just how many TD’s Rodgers would have thrown had he played the full game...

-Philadelphia, DEF – American BadAss – 32 pts – The Eagles actually gave up 21 points, but added an astounding 9 sacks, 3 interceptions, 2 fumble recoveries and 2! touchdowns (1 pick six and 1 punt return).  That really is bad ass!

-Jordy Nelson, WR – Starck Industries – 30 pts – Well someone had to catch all those balls that Rodgers was throwing… Nelson helped himself to two of the touchdowns.

-Dez Bryant, WR – Sofa King Back Baby – 30 pts – Dez would not be stopped on his two touchdown catches!  He basically caught those passes and then willed his was to the endzone.  Nice!

-Peyton Manning, QB – sprouts – 29 pts – Check it out...how crazy is it to have a quarterback throw for 340 yards and 5 touchdowns (which Peyton did), and have that not be the top QB performance for the week?  I mean...what?


COME ON, MAN
-A.J. Green, WR – Channel 4 News Team – 2 pts – This one really wasn’t A.J.’s fault as Andy Dalton threw the football with the accuracy of a drunk frat-boy.  Seriously, what was wrong with that guy?

-Steve Smith Sr., WR – Scottish Rebels – 1 pt – After a great start to the season and averaging 12.8 points per game through the first 6 games, Senior Steve is averaging 3.25 per his last four games.

-Lamar Miller, RB – American BadAss – 1 pt – Miller only carried the ball five times, but the Dolphins are insisting that he’s not injured… um, okay…

-Travis Kelce, TE – Channel 4 News Team – 1 pt – Good news...Kelce caught every pass thrown his way.  Bad news...That was only 2 passes for 19 yards.

-Terrance Williams, WR – Vandelay Industries – 0 pts – Williams’ response to a 1-point game last week, was a zero point game this week.  Going in the wrong direction there T.

-Montee Ball, RB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 0 pts – Tough to score points when they are declared inactive before the game.  Check your roster!!!


PLAYOFFS?!  DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!
Quick refresher - The top 2 teams in each division automatically qualify for the playoffs and two more teams get in with wildcards.  The top team for each division will receive a first round bye.  The wildcard spots are not division-dependent meaning that both wildcards could come from the same division.  Here are the tie-breakers that we will use for determining playoff spots:

Division standings -
1) Overall record
2) Division record
3) Head-to-Head record
4) Points scored
5) Coin flip

Wild Card standings -
1) Overall record
2) Head-to-Head record
3) Points scored
4) Coin flip

If the playoffs started this week these teams would be in:
American BadAss
Vandelay Industries
Scottish Rebels
Joe’s Pats
Starck Industries
Sofa King Back Baby

That means that these six teams are in control of their own destiny and simply need to win out to guarantee that they will make it to the playoffs.

Teams that are right on the bubble:
Coors Light Drunk Guys
Midnight Maulers
With just a scosche of help, Shawn and Jamie should be able to make it in.

Teams that need some help:
sprouts
Channel 4 News Team
There are several scenarios to get sprout in the playoffs, and I even found one scenario where Channel 4 News Team gets in (with some tie-breaker help).  It's slim, but it exists.  So no one has been mathematically eliminated.  Next week I will have the full playoff scenarios for every team.


BEST BENCH
The Midnight Maulers hold the record for the lowest Best Bench Award all-time, when in Week 7-2011, they captured the award with a minuscule 16-point improvement possibility.  This week’s winner was only two points off of that, as there were not many bench points to be had.  So, with an 18-point improvement possibility the Week 10 award for Best Bench goes to…sprouts!  This is Russ’ third Best Bench this season, and this time he only needed swap out his runningbacks to do it:  S. Jackson for R. Hillman (+14) and B. Tate for T. Mason (+4).


Alright, get those waiver claims in and make the final push to the playoffs!!

Week 8 - One for the record books!

It was a record setting week!  For the first time in Sacred Sundays history there were six teams that scored over 100 points!  The previous record was five back in Week 4 of 2011.  Unfortunately for Coors Light Drunk Guys and Channel 4 News Team their 102-point performances were both in losing efforts.  But, that was the first time that two teams have scored over 100 points and still lost, so that was another record!  The total points scored in the league this week was 992, which ranks 3rd all-time, behind Week 4-2011 (1,000 points) and Week 2-2007 (993 points).  Among individual players, there were six who scored 30 points or more...I haven’t kept detailed records on player performance long enough to know for sure, but I’ve got to think that that is a record as well.  All told, it was quite a week.

In other news, my Scottish Rebels claimed a second Weekly High Score Prize this week with a beautiful 126-point performance, boosted mainly by Rob Gronkowski and Antonio Brown.  Gronk looked like his dominant self of two years ago, and absolutely thrashed the Bears to the tune of 149 yards and 3 touchdowns for a total of 32 points!  Meanwhile, Antonio Brown has become the top wide receiver in fantasy thanks to an awesome 25-point game (133 yards, 2 TD’s).  It also helped to have a kicker who got a second chance at a game winner after a delay of game penalty, and a defense that scored on a fumble recovery in overtime.  Gotta love that shit!

So this week midterm grades get doled out, and, in this record setting week, did we set a record on the Best Bench as well?  Read on to find out…


YEAH BABY!!
-Ben Roethlisberger, QB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 47 pts – Big Ben went off and racked up 522 yards and 6 (yes 6!!) touchdown passes.  Here’s a stat for you: There is one quarterback in NFL history to throw 500+ yards in two games…not Peyton Manning, not Drew Brees, not Dan Marino, nope…it’s Ben Roethlis-something.  Crazy.

-Arian Foster, RB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 38 pts – Foster was a one-man wrecking ball, gashing the Titans for 151 yards and 2 TD’s on the ground, along with 22 yards and 1 TD through the air.  That is just sweet!

-Tom Brady, QB – Sofa King Shit – 37 pts – How crazy is it to throw for 354 yards and 5 touchdowns, and you still aren’t the top quarterback for the week?

-Jeremy Maclin, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 33 pts – Damn Shawn, three players in the top four!?  I hope you had all of these guys active…

-Rob Gronkowski, TE – Scottish Rebels – 32 pts – Gronk smash!  These games are the reason I drafted this guy in the 2nd round.  Boom!!

-Emmanuel Sanders, WR – Joe’s Pats – 30 pts – Sanders was 9-for-9 (targets to receptions) and racked up 120 yards and 3 TD’s.  Between the Thomas brothers (Demaryius and Julius), Wes Welker and now this guy…I mean how many weapons do the Broncos have?


COME ON, MAN
-Jordy Nelson, WR – German Kickers – 2 pts – Since Week 3, Nelson had not scored less than 12 points.  So hopefully this was just a little bump in the road.

-Julius Thomas, TE – sprouts – 2 pts – Perhaps teams are starting to game plan to take Thomas out of the game.  In his first 5 games he had 9 TD’s, and none in his last two games.

-Vincent Jackson, WR – German Kickers – 1 pt – Playing on a terrible Tampa offense is not going to help V-Jax score big.

-Greg Olsen, TE – American BadAss – 1 pt – In spite of a dud this week, Olsen is still the 5th ranked tight end in fantasy.

-Robbie Gould, K – Sofa King Shit – 1 pt – The Bears scored 23 points, but according to the stat line, Gould only made one extra point.  I guess they just started going for two every time when they were down by like 39 points?

-Michael Floyd, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 0 pts – Dude had three deep balls thrown his way, two of which he should have caught.  They pay you to catch those… come on, man!

LEST THEE BE JUDGED
Here we are hallway through the fantasy season, and only five weeks away from the start of the playoffs, so it is time to assess each team and hand out midterm grades.  I started working for Fisher Investments seven months ago, so rather than had out the standard letter grades, I thought I would mix it up and give each team a stock rating.  So let’s get to this!

American BadAss – Jason
The defending champion has been off to a great start this season with a record of 6-2 and two Weekly High Score prizes.
Record – 6-2
Points Scored – 718
Best Value Draft Pick – Kelvin Benjamin, WR – 13th Round – 81 pts
Keepers – Aaron Rodgers, QB – 1st Round – 168 pts;
Demaryius Thomas, WR – 2nd Round – 118 pts
Grade – BUY

Channel 4 News Team – Timmy
Unfortunately, the sixth round pick of Ray Rice has proven to be a wasted pick, and Jimmy Graham didn't play up to his potential prior to being traded to Sofa King Shit.
Record – 2-6
Points Scored – 627
Best Value Draft Pick – Sammy Watkins, WR – 11th Round – 88 pts
Keepers – Jamal Charles, RB – 1st Round – 77 pts;
Jimmy Graham, TE – 3rd Round – 62 pts.
Grade – SELL

Coors Light Drunk Guys – Shawn
Drew Brees as a keeper is never a bad move…drafting Shane Vereen in the 3rd round and Michael Floyd in the 4th round might have been.
Record – 4-4
Points Scored – 675
Best Value Draft Pick – Jeremy Maclin, WR – 7th Round – 101 pts
Keeper – Drew Brees, QB – 1st Round – 131 pts
Grade – HOLD

German Kickers – Jens
Jens wins the award for most team names in a season, and we are only halfway done.  Keep ‘em coming, Jensy!
Record – 4-4
Points Scored – 672
Best Value Draft Pick – Jay Cutler, QB – 5th Round – 148 pts
Worst Draft Pick – Eddie Lacy, RB – 1st Round – 79 pts
Keepers – Andre Ellington, RB – 14th Round – 83 pts;
Michael Crabtree, WR – 15th Round – 47 pts
Grade – HOLD

Joe’s Pats – Joe
Joe went the Patriots-lite route this year, and so far it has been paying off.  He snagged a High Score Prize in Week 3, and if the playoffs started today he would be in.
Record – 4-3-1
Points Scored – 657
Best Value Draft Pick – Russell Wilson, QB – 9th Round – 147 pts
Worst Draft Pick – Doug Martin, RB – 3rd Round – 23 pts
Keepers – LeSean McCoy, RB – 1st Round – 58 pts;
Alshon Jeffery, WR – 15th Round – 71 pts.
Grade – HOLD

I am a Steeler's fan now.

Midnight Maulers – Jamie
Jamie has made only two waivers all season, one of which was finally dropping the back-up kicker.  Philip Rivers was an amazing score in the 11th round.
Record – 3-5
Points Scored – 576
Best Value Draft Pick – Philip Rivers, QB – 11th Round – 164 pts
Keepers – Frank Gore, RB – 1st Round – 57 pts;
Reggie Bush, RB – 3rd Round – 34 pts
Grade – REDUCE

Scottish Rebels – Jerry
Overcoming the loss of Adrian Peterson has been huge, but there is still concern about the running back position.
Record – 6-2
Points Scored – 744
Best Value Draft Pick – Antonio Brown, WR – 3rd Round – 130 pts
Keepers – Adrian Peterson, RB – 1st Round – 8 pts;
Giovani Bernard, RB – 7th Round – 87 pts
Grade – BUY

Sofa King Shit – James
James holds the dubious distinction of having had the most points scored against him so far this season.  Makes it tougher when other teams play their best against you.  Not keeping Calvin Johnson, which seemed crazy at the time, has not been that bad of a move.
Record – 3-5
Points Scored – 655
Best Value Draft Pick – Tom Brady, QB – 3rd Round – 147 pts
Bad Draft Pick – Vernon Davis, TE – 4th Round – 24 pts
Keepers – Le’Veon Bell, RB – 7th Round – 112 pts;
Keenan Allen, WR – 15th Round – 44 pts
Grade – HOLD

sprouts – Russ
What should have been a solid running back core of Montee Ball and Zac Stacy has netted only 59 points so far this season.  Using 2nd and 3rd round picks for those guys hurts the cause.
Record – 2-5-1
Points Scored – 684
Best Value Draft Pick – Randall Cobb, WR – 4th Round – 109 pts
Keepers – Peyton Manning, QB – 1st Round – 169 pts;
Julius Thomas, TE – 13th Round – 83 pts
Grade – SELL

Vandelay Industries – Louis
Stellar keeper production and two Weekly High Score prizes.  Looking mighty fine in the sophomore season.
Record – 5-3
Points Scored – 789
Best Value Draft Pick – Demarco Murray, RB – 2nd Round – 157 pts
Keepers – Andrew Luck, QB – 6th Round – 205 pts;
Matt Forte – 3rd Round – 135 pts
Grade – ACCUMULATE


THE WOEFUL UNDRAFTEDS
Our ragtag group is really struggling with the quarterbacks that they selected…they will really benefit if Jake Locker can ever get back in the game.  Here was this week’s lineup:

QB Jake Locker Ten 0
RB Mark Ingram NO 26
RB Chris Ivory NYJ 16
WR Greg Jennings Min 4
WR Allen Hurns Jax 3
TE Delanie Walker Ten 8
K Minnesota Min 3
DEF Mike Nugent Cin 21
Total – 81
The average score this week was 99.2, so this is yet another loss, dropping them to 1-7 overall.  This is just getting depressing now…


BEST BENCH
Here is an amazing stat – Had this week’s Best Bench winner had in their optimal line-up, they would have scored an astounding 190 points.  The highest single week score ever recorded in Sacred Sunday’s history is 148 points, so that would have annihilated that record.  The record Best Bench was set back in Week 2-2009 by sprouts when they had an 89-point improvement possibility.  Russ is going to hold onto that record, as this week’s winner came up just a baby's breath shy of breaking it.  So, with an 88-point improvement possibility, this week’s Best Bench goes to… the Coors Light Drunk Guys!!  Shawn needed four roster changes to get it done:  J. Maclin for M. Floyd (+33), B. Roethlisberger for D. Brees (+23), M. Ingram for S. Vereen (+22) and the Bills for Broncos (+10).


Next week, with the playoffs drawing closer we will start to look at scenarios and see if my Week 6 playoff predictions are holding true.  Wait, what?  Playoffs?  Playoffs?!?!

No wait, I think I'll stick with the Cowboys...

BadAss once more!

We are nearing the halfway point of the season which means that midterms are almost here!  Midterm grades will be doled out after the conclusion of this week’s games, so make all of your awesome trades, amazing waiver wire pick-ups and ingenious roster moves this week as there is typically a recency bias applied to the grades.  Nearing the halfway point of the season also means that there are only 5 weeks left of the regular season until playoffs start!  With Channel 4 News Team squeaking out a 1-point victory over Vandelay Industries, along with Joe’s Pats and sprouts playing to a tie, the South Division is wide open.  There is only a two game difference between the top and bottom team!  Remember that the top two teams from each division automatically qualify for the playoffs, plus two wildcard spots are given out.  Every year when we have had a tie game, it seems like we have to go to 4th and 5th level tiebreakers on determining wild cards.  So it’s much better to just be a top two team and qualify that way.

The big congratulations this week go out to American BadAss who secured a second Weekly High Score Prize for the season with a dominating 122-90 victory over Sofa King Shit.  BadAss was the only team this week that was able to crack into the triple digits, and for the second week in a row, one of the top three highest scoring teams lost to the highest scoring team (sorry James!).  Jason had a monster game from Demaryius Thomas, 32 points, the 2nd highest single week point total for a wide receiver.  (Thomas, coincidentally, holds the record for most points in a week for a wide receiver with 37 scored in Week 5).  It also doesn’t hurt that Jason has Aaron Rodgers at QB, who is the 4th ranked quarterback in fantasy, and who is averaging 23.8 points/game over the last four weeks.  Nice work bro!

Just a quick update this week as we check in on the Undraftees, get up to date on the “What Do You Know!? Bowl” and award another multi-Best Bench winner.  So…let’s go!!


CHA-CHING!!
-Russell Wilson, QB – Joe’s Pats – 36 pts – Wilson did all he could to win the game (313 passing yards, 2 TD’s, 106 rushing yards, 1 TD), but you can’t overcome a fake punt return.  Any team that successfully executes a play that shouldn’t even exist is destined to win.  If you didn’t see the Rams’ fake punt return, you must Google it and watch it.

-Demaryius Thomas, WR – American BadAss – 32 pts – As mentioned earlier, Thomas holds the record for the highest and second highest weekly scores by a wide receiver this year.  Over the last 3 weeks, he is averaging 29 ppg.  Wow!

-Peyton Manning, QB – sprouts – 28 pts – Really, was there any doubt as to whether or not he would set the TD record this week?  Dude is an absolute machine at scoring points, and trails only Andrew Luck for most points scored this year.

-Sammy Watkins, WR – Channel 4 News Team – 24 pts – I absolutely love this guy’s name.  It just sounds like a professional football player.  Sammy Watkins!  It's a name like 'Shane Falco' that I feel you would only ever hear in a movie.

COME ON, MAN
-Frank Gore, RB – Midnight Maulers – 2 pts – Barely a two yard average, going 9 carries for 20 yards.  Yuck.

-Julius Thomas, TE – sprouts – 2 pts – JT was held out of the endzone for the first time this season.  He was the only player who, up to this point, had scored a touchdown every week.

-Giovani Bernard, RB – Scottish Rebels – 1 pt – Last week Gio got hurt, was in the locker room for like 20 minutes, went back into the game and ended up scoring 21 points.  This week plays the whole game and gets one goddamn point?  What the hell?!

-Heath Miller, TE – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 1 pt – Miller followed up on his impressive 1 point performance last week, with another 1 pointer this week.

-Delanie Walker, TE – Sofa King Shit – 1 pt – Rough week for tight ends…

-Alshon Jeffery, WR – Joe’s Pats – 0 pts – Normally if a guy catches 2 passes, he’ll at least put some points on the board.  Not Alshon!  He’ll catch his two passes and go exactly 9 yards.

-Jordan Cameron, TE – Joe’s Pats – 0 pts – Joe had two blankouts from two of his players this week, and both were active and didn’t get injured!  Cameron only caught 1 ball for 5 yards.  You kidding me?

-San Francisco, DEF – Sofa King Shit -2 pts – It is a topsy turvy week when the lowest scoring defense is the 49ers, while the highest scoring defense is the Jaguars.  What in the hell is going on?

THE SAGA OF THE UNDRAFTEES
It is starting to show why these guys weren’t drafted.  Here is the line-up this week:
QB Derek Anderson Car 5
RB Justin Forsett Bal 9
RB Chris Ivory NYJ 17
WR Allen Hurns Jax 0
WR Steve Smith Sr. Bal 6
TE Dwayne Allen Ind 11
K Matt Bryant Atl 1
DEF Minnesota Min 16
Total 65
The average score for the week was 84.3, so this goes down as yet another loss for these guys, dropping their record to 1-6.  Brutal.  I think for next week, I will swap out Allen Hurns for Greg Jennings to see if a little more production can be gleaned from the wide receiver position.


WHAT DO YOU KNOW!? BOWL
I want to give a little background for those of you who may not know the origin of the “What Do You Know!? Bowl”.  Back in Calle de Salud days (Las Cruces circa 2002-03), Jens and Shawn would just drive each other crazy.  No one ever really knew (or cared) why, it was just one of those things that was how it was.  Out of nowhere, Jens just started saying “What do you know, Shawn?”  (To get the proper delivery of the phrase, it is important to use a slight German accent and really hit the “you”.  And say it really loud.  Something like “WHAT DO YOOOUUU KNOW!?”).  This of course annoyed the hell out of Shawn, only encouraging Jens to do it even more, which made it all the more hilarious.  So then the first time that their teams met in Sacred Sundays, it was dubbed the “What Do You Know!? Bowl”, and has been thusly recognized since.

Here are some historical stats on the game, going back to 2007:
Total Number of Occurrences: 12
Overall Record: 6-6
Total Points Scored: Shawn 1,006; Jens 936
Highest point total scored in the game: 120 points by Jens in Week 13, 2012.
Lowest point total scored in the game: 44 points by Jens in Week 9, 2008.
Largest margin of victory: 48 points when Shawn beat Jens 115-67 in Week 10, 2011.
Most consequential:  The “What Do You Know!? Bowl” has had one occurrence in the playoffs, which came in 2012 in the semi-final round.  Jens won that one 114-102.

This week’s “What Do You Know!? Bowl” was an easy victory for Shawn, who scored 95 points to Jens’ 62.  Jens changed his team name last week to Fantasy Nightmare, which I can only assume was due to having to play Jay Cutler at quarterback and Michael Crabtree at receiver.  Yes, that is a nightmare.


BEST BENCH
The winner of this week’s Best Bench award gets some credit for not being as bad as their first time, but then loses that credit for taking the award two weeks in a row.  So with a 28-point improvement possibility this time, this week’s Best Bench goes to… Joe’s Pats!!  Joe needed only four roster moves this week:  A. Gates for J. Cameron (+12), E. Sanders for A. Jeffery (+10), T.Y. Hilton for J. Jones (+5) and Steelers for Patriots (+1).


Bring on Week 8!!

Week 6 - Vandelay back on top!

Vandelay, Van-de-lay, Vandelay, Vand-uh-ley… however you say it, what an awesome performance!  In the highest scoring game of the season, Vandelay Industries managed to top sprouts’ 110 points by posting the 2nd highest score of the year, 122 points.  They did it with terrific performances from Matt Forte (27 pts), Andrew Luck (26 pts) and Demarco Murray (20 pts).  (Luck and Murray, coincidentally, are the top QB and RB in fantasy).  Vandelay Industries becomes the first team to win a second Weekly High Score Prize this year.  This extends Vandelay’s league leading total points scored to 589, which is 36 points ahead of the next closest team.  Way to go, Louis!!

Tough break for sprouts being the second highest scoring team of the week, but running into a buzz saw.  Scoring 110 points in a loss ranks as the 7th highest score in a loss in Sacred Sundays league history.  James holds the record for highest score in a loss, having scored 118 in a losing effort last year.  Really goes to show what a crucial factor scheduling can be.  More stats on point scoring below.

Now regarding the league standings, that gentle hum you hear in the distance is the Fantasy gods chanting “oohhmm”, as we have achieved a perfect balance.  There is one team at 5-1, one team at 1-5…two teams at 4-2, two teams at 2-4…and four teams at 3-3.  The yin and the yang are perfectly aligned.  The moon is in the Seventh House, and Jupiter has aligned with Mars.  This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius!

Onward!


THE GOOD ONES
-Tom Brady, QB – Sofa King Mediocre – 33 pts – Just when everyone thinks that Tom Brady is washed-up and can’t throw a football, he goes and does something like this.  And TOTALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF!

-Cam Newton, QB – Channel 4 News Team – 33 pts – Teams want their best player carrying the football, and if you have Cam Newton on your team, he is probably your best player.  Cam rattled off 107 yards and a TD on 17 carries, plus had 284 passing yards and 2 TD’s.

-Joe Flacco, QB – Free Agent – 32 pts – It didn’t take long for Flacco to start putting up points as he threw 4 touchdowns in the first quarter!  Finished with 5 for the game, which is actually a bit of a letdown when you figure he was on pace for 16.

-T.Y. Hilton, WR – Joe’s Pats – 31 pts – Tyrone’s Youngin’ was 9-for-9 on targets to receptions, and finished with 223 yards and a touchdown.  Quarterbacks gotta love a receiver who catches every ball they throw his way…

-Colin Kaepernick, QB – American BadAss – 28 pts – The 49ers were looking like they might get shut down until Kaepernick hit Brandon Lloyd on an 80-yard touchdown pass.  After that, the Rams pretty much rolled over and let Kaep eat ‘em up for 343 yards passing and 3 TD’s.

-Matt Forte, RB – Vandelay Industries – 27 pts – Three straight 100-yard games and his fourth on the season.  Forte is the 3rd ranked back in Fantasy through 6 weeks.

-Andrew Luck, QB – Vandelay Industries – 26 pts – It must be something about having a horseshoe on your helmet that makes you score tons of fantasy points.  Luck is the overall point leader thus far, having scored 157 points which is 26 points more than the next closest (Philip Rivers).

-Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 25 pts – Here’s a stat for you…Rodgers has thrown 14 touchdowns and one interception in his last five games.  Damn!

-Jay Cutler, QB – Fantasy Nightmare – 25 pts – Cutler racked up 381 yards passing (his career high as a Bear), yet somehow only threw one touchdown pass.

-Arian Foster, RB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 25 pts – If Foster can stay healthy he is dangerous.  In his four healthy games this season, he has four 100-yard games.  This week he had 141 total yards (109 rushing, 32 receiving) plus two touchdowns.  Uh yeah, I’ll take it.

-Philip Rivers, QB – Midnight Maulers – 25 pts – Were it not for Andrew Luck having a monster of a season, Rivers would be the toast of the town.  Get this, he has 15 touchdown passes to only 2 interceptions.


COME ON, MAN
-Chargers, DEF – Scottish Rebels – 1 pt – Gave up 28 points to the Raiders?  Really?  The Oakland Raiders?  What in the hell...

-Jeremy Maclin, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 1 pt – After having at least 10 targets per game for the first five games, Maclin only saw the ball come his way  three times on Sunday.

-Heath Miller, TE – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 1 pt – Miller only has one touchdown on the season thus far.  Clearly he didn’t add to that total this week.

-Shayne Graham, K – Joe’s Pats – 0 pts – Hard for a kicker to score points when his team ain’t playin’!  Check your roster Joe!

-Niles Paul, TE – Midnight Maulers, 0 pts – Two weeks in a row of zero points is not a good trend to be on.

-Travis Kelce, TE – Channel 4 News Team – 0 pts – Timmy refuses to drop any Kansas City Chiefs players even if it means playing a bye-week tight end.  That is commitment!


SAFETY IN (HIGHER) NUMBERS
Scoring over 100 points in a given week is a good way to earn your team a victory.  Through Week 5, the triple-digit mark had been eclipsed 10 times, with all 10 of those teams securing a victory.  This week, four more teams accomplished this, but unfortunately sprouts did so in a losing effort, falling to Vandelay Industries 122-110.

The historic win percentage of scoring over 100 points is 88.1% for Sacred Sundays.  Going back to 2007, 100 or more has been scored 236 times, with only 28 of those being on the losing end of a matchup.  This season is ahead of that, with a 92.9% win percentage.  And as mentioned earlier, sprouts 110 points ranks as the 7th most points scored in a loss…

GOD LOVES THREE-POINTERS
In a recent interview, NBA star Jeremy Lin talked about how he didn’t cash in nearly as much as he could have during the “Linsanity” craze that took off while he was with the New York Knicks.  He explained, “We’ve turned away almost everything, just because I do think my purpose is to play basketball, play well, and play for the glory of God.”  God does love Himself some 3-balls!  Hallelujah!


THE BALLAD OF THE UNDRAFTEDS
Struggles continue for the Undrafteds this week as neither one of their quarterbacks scored a point.  Here is this week’s lineup:
Jake Locker Ten 0
Justin Forsett Bal 11
Isaiah Crowell Cle 11
Allen Hurns Jax 1
Steve Smith Sr. Bal 17
Dwayne Allen Ind 4
Matt Bryant Atl 11
Philadelphia Phi 21
Total - 76
The average score in the league was 85.8, so this is another loss, dropping them to 1-5 on the year.


BEST BENCH
It really wasn’t even a close one this week.  The winner of the Best Bench this week pretty much guessed wrong up and down their line-up, with five (yes FIVE!) roster changes.  That team is…Joe’s Pats!!  Yessir, Joe could’ve improved his line-up by 52 by swapping T.Y. Hilton for E. Sanders (+28 pts), J. Cameron for A. Gates (+8), A. Jeffery for J. Jones (+7), B. Pierce for S. Ridley (+7) and M. Ryan for R. Wilson (+2).  Joe’s 52-point improvement is the highest recorded this season…so far.


Time to get ready for Week 7!  Only one week away from mid-terms!!

Doubling Up...Weeks 4 & 5

What a difference a week can make…in Week 4, my Rebels played like warrior poets and logged the highest score of the season in the process of tying the record for the 2nd largest margin of victory in Sacred Sundays history.  From top to bottom, my Rebels dominated in putting together a 133-48 victory over Joe’s Pats.  (The largest margin of victory, a.k.a. biggest bitch slap, was done by Channel 4 News Team when they defeated BoomGoesTheDynamite in Week 6 last year by a score of 140-44).  Now fast forward only one week, and my guys play like UTEP dropouts, only managing half as many points (literally) as in Week 4.  !Que lastima!

The congratulations this week go to our defending champion, American BadAss who were one of only two teams able to crack into triple digits this week.  Jason got massive production from Demaryius Thomas (37 points) and the Philly defense (23 points) en route to a big 118-60 victory over the Midnight Maulers.  The victory moves BadAss to 4-1 on the season, the league’s best record!  This also marks the 5th different Weekly High Score winner in as many weeks, which marks the first time since 2009 that that has happened.  Congratulations bro!  Nice work!

So we are five weeks into the season which means that it is time for my playoff predictions!  I have enhanced my prediction methodology this season, and am confident that I will go 6-for-6 with my picks.  For those teams that are predicted to be in, congratulations!... for those that didn’t make the cut, well, just look at my track record for picking the winners of games this season.  (Hint – It is not good…)  Full details on all of this below.  But first, some quick hits…


THIS IS HOW WE DO IT
-Demaryius Thomas, WR – American BadAss – 37 pts – Monster game from Thomas where he caught 8 passes for 226 yards and 2 touchdowns.  Now that is what you call a keeper!

-Russell Wilson, QB – Joe’s Pats – 34 pts – Gotta love it when your quarterback gets a rushing touchdown.  Gotta love it even more when that same quarterback adds 122 yards rushing!  Say what?! Yep, Wilson totaled 323 total yards (201 passing, 122 rushing) and had 2 passing TD’s to go along with the one rushing one.  That, my friends, is a complete game.

-Peyton Manning, QB – sprouts – 34 pts – Peyton on the other hand did all of his damage from behind the line of scrimmage.  Literally…he had -2 yards rushing for the game.  But that is okay when you throw for 479 yards (career high for Peyton) and 4!!! touchdowns.

-Arian Foster, RB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 31 pts – Looks like Arian still has some gas in the tank.

-Austin Davis, QB – Free Agent – 29 pts – Without looking it up, I will give a nickel to anyone who knows where this guy plays quarterback.

-Brandon Oliver, RB – Free Agent – 29 pts – Same with this guy.

-Andre Ellington, RB – Jens – 26 pts – Quite a day for Ellington, getting 144 total yards (32 rushing, 112 receiving) and adding both a rushing and receiving touchdown.

-Stephen Gostkowski, K – sprouts – 21 pts – Have to give props to kickers scoring over 20 points… Gostkowski was a perfect 5-for-5 on figgies, plus added four extra points.

-Phil Dawson, K – Midnight Maulers – 20 pts – What the hell?? Two kickers broke the 20-point barrier?  Nutso.  Dawson did it by nailing 2 field goals of 50+ yards, along with three others and an extra point.


COME ON, MAN!
-Roddy White, WR – Midnight Maulers – 2 pts – White predicted earlier in the week that he was going to score a touchdown against the Giants.  Perhaps he meant next season?

-Steve Smith, Sr., WR – Scottish Rebels – 1 pt – Only 32 yards on the day, and a lost fumble left Steve with one goddamn point.

-Martellus Bennett, TE – Jens – 1 pt – After two big weeks, 17 and 13 points, Bennett was non-existent, catching 3 balls for only 17 yards.

-Arizona, DEF – Jens – 1 pt – Tough matchup playing at Denver, but this one was so bad that I’m actually surprised the Arizona D stayed on the positive side of zero.

-Kelvin Benjamin, WR – American BadAss – 1 pt – A lost fumble cost Benjamin 2 points in what was otherwise a really crappy performance.

PLAYOFFS?!  DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!
It is never too early to start thinking about the playoffs.  As a quick refresher, the top 6 teams in the league after Week 13 will qualify for the playoffs which run in Weeks 14, 15 and 16.  The top team in each division receives a first round bye, the second place team in each division receives an automatic entry and the last two spots are awarded to wildcard teams.  I will put out a refresher on the tiebreakers as we get closer to crunch time.

For now it is time for me to make my predictions on which teams will make it in.  Under a completely new forecasting methodology, I am examining team records as well as points scored.  Basically seeing how the team ranking of points scored through five weeks impacts playoff qualification.  One interesting factoid that I came across was that going all the way back to 2007, the highest scoring team through the first 5 weeks has always qualified for the playoffs but has never won the championship.  This season, the highest scoring team through five weeks is Vandelay Industries (466 points), so they are my first pick to make it to the playoffs.  (But they're gonna have to fight history to win it all).

My second pick to make it to the playoffs this year is my Scottish Rebels.  My Rebels are 2nd in total scoring with 457 points, and have a win-loss record of 3-2.  Teams that are second in scoring after 5 weeks have also qualified for the playoffs every year, and teams with a 3-2 record make it in 72.7% of the time.  My third pick to make it in is Joe’s Pats.  Joe is 5th in scoring, but interestingly, teams in 5th place have qualified 75% of the time, plus Joe’s record of 3-2 has a 72.7% qualification rate.  My fourth team to make it is American BadAss.  BadAss’ 4-1 record has a 75% playoff qualification rate, and being the 4th highest scoring team qualifies 57% of the time.

The fifth team predicted to make it in is Where’s Shawn’s Wallet/ Down Goes Jason/ SofaKingStupid/ PappaNobleJr2/ BeatsByRay/ BradyGaga/ Lovin the Bye Week or WSWDGJSKSPNJBBRBGLBW for short.  WSWDGJSKSPNJBBRBGLBW ranks 3rd in total scoring which has a 57% playoff qualification rate.  Not great, but it’s a higher percentage than any of the other remaining teams.  That leaves five teams with only one spot left.

In looking historically at points scored through five weeks, the team with the lowest point total has only qualified 33% of the time.  So with Channel 4 News Team currently holding that distinction, I’m going to say that they don’t make it in.  With the four remaining teams, it is literally a coin flip on who could make it in, so that is exactly what I did.  By virtue of a coin flip showdown, my final team predicted to make it in is: sprouts.

Signed, sealed, delivered, there are my picks for playoff entrants this season: Vandelay Industries, Scottish Rebels, Joe’s Pats, American BadAss, Jens and sprouts.


ALL UNWANTEDS STRUGGLES CONTINUE
We’ve gone two weeks without an update on the All Unwanteds.  Here is how they fared in Week 4:
Derek Anderson Car 2
Justin Forsett Bal    15

Chris Ivory NYJ 9
Allen Hurns Jax 6
Steve Smith Sr. Bal  25
Dwayne Allen Ind 9
Matt Bryant Atl 4
Minnesota Min 6
TOTAL = 76
With the average league score of 85.4, this went down as another loss for the boys.

In Week 5, here is what happened:
Jake Locker Ten 16
Justin Forsett Bal 15
Chris Ivory NYJ 4
Allen Hurns Jax 2
Steve Smith Sr. Bal 1
Dwayne Allen Ind 11
Matt Bryant Atl 8
Philadelphia Phi 23
TOTAL = 80
They got a lot closer this week, but with an average league score of 83.4, this was yet another loss.  The All Unwanteds now have a record of 1-4.


BEST BENCH
We have had great parity on the Weekly High Score Prizes this year with five different teams claiming a prize through the first five weeks.  But for the Best Bench, we have our first multiple winner!  So now, for the second time this year, the Best Bench Award goes to…sprouts!  Russ could have improved his point total this week by 36 points with three roster moves: D. Jackson for B. Cooks +18, S. Jackson for M. Ball +11, and B. Tate for Z. Stacy +7.


Get those waivers in, and get ready for Week 6!  Only two weeks away from mid-term grades… yikes!!