Double it up!!

That is the way you do it!  Two in a row!  For the first time since Week 4 of last year we have a back-to-back Weekly High Score winner.  Channel 4 News Team was the last one to do it, and now Major James Hand has accomplished the feat with another dominating performance this week.  James had big games from Mike Evans and Le’Veon Bell who both scored over 30 points, and he had Tom Brady add 14.  Well done sir!  And speaking of two-in-a-rows, for the second week in a row the 2nd highest scoring team lost to the highest scoring team.  Sorry Jens...

Now with only two games left in the regular season, everyone should be thinking playoffs.  An interesting thing has happened between the two divisions.  Every team in the North Division has a winning record and only one team in the South Division has a winning record.  Depending on how these final weeks play out, the second place team in the South Division could qualify for the playoffs with a losing record.  How weird would that be?  Check out below for each team’s playoff scenarios.  Also, check out the mind-blowing revelation that I made this week...

So on with it!!


OH YEAH!!
-Jonas Gray, RB – Free Agent – 46 pts – Highest single-game score ever for a New England Patriot.  Crazy.  Did not see this one coming...

-Mike Evans, WR – Sofa King Back Baby – 35 pts – Over the last three games, Evans is averaging nearly 26 points.  That is 8 points better than the next closest wide receiver (Emmanuel Sanders).

-Green Bay, DEF – Free Agent – 32 pts – The Packers dropped the hammer on the Eagles and sacked Dirty Sanchez 3 times, got 2 interceptions and 2 fumble recoveries (2 of which were returned for touchdowns), and had a punt return touchdown.

-Jamaal Charles, RB – Channel 4 News Team – 29 pts – Jamaal scored 2 touchdowns to go along with 159 yards.  That makes 7 touchdowns in his last 6 games.  !Me gusto!

-Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 28 pts – Rodgers has scored over 20 points in his last 5 games, and over 25 points in four of those.  That is just utter domination!


COME ON, MAN…
-T.Y. Hilton, WR – Joe’s Pats – 2 pts – On the bright side, this was Tyrone’s Youngin’ worst game of the season.

-Trent Richardson, RB – Channel 4 News Team – 2 pts – Richardson is going to get a chance to shine with Ahmad Bradshaw out.  You are liable to see him score 4 points...maybe...

-Jimmy Graham, TE – Sofa King Back Baby – 2 pts – After going for 11, 14 and 19 points, Graham was bound to cool off.  Just didn’t think it would come on a home game against the Bengals.

-Martavis Bryant, WR – American BadAss – 1 pt – Not a good night for Martavis as he only managed 2 catches for 11 yards.

-Travis Kelce, TE – Channel 4 News Team – 1 pt – Excluding Week 9’s 12-point performance, Kelce has not gotten more than four points in his last 5 games and has posted back-to-back 1-point games.

-Terrance West, RB – Midnight Maulers – 1 pt – West got 12 yards on 5 carries.  But as bad as that sounds, it wasn’t as bad as Browns running back Ben Tate who finished with -9 yards on two carries.  That’s just funny.

-Vernon Davis, TE – Midnight Maulers – 0 pts – Davis’ season looked so bright in Week 1 after scoring 16 points.  Since then he has scored 9 points.  Nine freaking points in nine games.  Y-U-C-K.


PLAYOFFS?!
It is an unbelievably tight race coming into these final two weeks.  Because of the way it has worked out, both wildcard spots are going to come from the North Division.  Also, the South Division teams are only battling for Division Runner-up as Vandelay has already claimed the division title.  Here are some possible scenarios:
In For Sure:
-Vandelay Industries – Claimed the South Division title.  Three games ahead with only two left means that no one can catch them.
-Scottish Rebels – In the playoffs and can claim the North Division title by winning both remaining games or by winning one game and a loss from American BadAss.
-American BadAss – In the playoffs and can claim the North Division title by winning both remaining games PLUS two losses from Scottish Rebels.

Most Likely Eliminated
-Channel 4 News Team – It appears that even if the News Boys win out, the best case scenario would be a tie with the Midnight Maulers, where they would lose on the division record tie-breaker.

Everyone Else
-Joe’s Pats – Win one game PLUS one loss from Midnight Maulers.
-Midnight Maulers – Win both games PLUS one loss from Joe’s Pats.
-sprouts – Win both games PLUS two losses from Joe’s Pats.
-Sofa King Back Baby – Win both remaining games.
-3rd Down Cowbell – Win both remaining games.
-Coors Light Drunk Guys – Win both remaining games.

From the looks of it, there are going to be a lot of tie-breakers used in the North Division.  Read last week’s column for a summary of the tie-breakers.  Do not refer to the tie-breakers that Yahoo! has listed on the website, as we will not use those.  Bottom line for all teams still in contention – Win both of your remaining games and you will probably make it in.

ARE THOSE BUGLE BOY JEANS?
Prepare to have your mind blown.  The waist size on your pants is not the measurement around your waist.  You know how women’s clothes use a ridiculous sizing method with only one number that is somehow supposed to translate to a length and a width?  Women grab a size 8 pair of pants off the rack, and really have no idea if it will fit or not, as the waist might be perfect but the length is too short, or the length is perfect but the waist is wrong, or both the waist and the length are wrong even though a size 8 fits perfect in a different brand.  The rationale with women’s clothes sizing is that no woman wants to be a size 36 waist, so the manufacturers call that an 8, or a 7, or a 9, or who knows?  Call it “vanity sizing”.  This has always been something that I’ve included on my “Why it’s better to be a man” list, in that men don’t have to fret so much when buying pants because our pants just have the waist and length measurements stamped on the tag.

Well as it turns out, I have been led horribly astray.  Apparently men’s pants have the same “vanity sizing” going on.  Over the weekend, I just happened to grab a tape measure and measure my waist.  To my dismay, it was not 34 inches as my pant size would have me believe…nope, it was a solid 37 inches.  (Healthy boy!!)  A quick internet search turned up the truth that a 34 waist size does not mean a 34-inch waist.  Wait…what?!  Even worse is that it can vary quite dramatically across clothing manufacturers and retailers.  According to one report, a 36 waist size can measure from 37 inches to all the way up to 41 inches!  (The 41-inch size 36 pants can be found at Old Navy).  As mentioned before...my mind is blown.


ALL UNDRAFTEDS
Things have gone from bad to worse for our poor undrafted team… this last week was just a mess as both quarterbacks are not playing, all four wide receivers scored zero (either due to bye weeks or just sucking), and both tight ends were on bye weeks.  So they only managed a measly 35 points, which goes down as another loss, dropping their record to 1-10.


BEST BENCH
They say good things come in three’s, so this week’s Best Bench winner is taking home their third Best Bench this season, and only needed three roster moves to do it.  Also, they had a 31-point improvement possibility (see that “3” in there?).  Without further adieu, this week’s Best Bench goes to…Joe’s Pats!!  All Joe needed to do was swap A. Jeffery for TY Hilton (+17), R. Wilson for M. Ryan (+8) and Steelers for Patriots (+6).


Okay, only two weeks left of the regular season!  This is the last week we have to contend with bye weeks.  Get your waiver claims in and get your rosters ready!!