Midterms!! Week 8

This was the best I could come up with for "Midnight Maulers"...

There are eight weeks down and we are at the halfway point of the season, which means only one thing… how in the hell is it Halloween already??!  Oh yeah, and it means that it is time for midterm grades!  Couple things to keep in mind about the grades given out here:  a) grades are on a curve, b) grades are 90% subjective, and c) the grades don’t factor in to the final standings.  Whichever team ends of winning the league receives a defacto “A+” come January.  So we’ll get to all the grades in just a bit.

First, big congratulations have to go out to Jamie & his Midnight Maulers for rocking it in Week 8 and taking

But this wasn't bad either...

home the Weekly High Score Prize!!  There was a Monday night surge from American BadAss, but Jamie held on to win his first prize of the season.  For the second time this season, the highest scoring team has had a player post zero points, yet still manage to bring home the bacon.  Timmy did it in Week 6 when Jimmy Graham had zero, and now Jamie did it in spite of Greg Jennings laying a goose egg.  Also, Midnight Maulers were the lowest scoring team of a week ago, and now are the top dog this week.  How about that for a turn around?!  Well done Jamie!!

We have quite a discrepancy between the North and South divisions.  In the South, there is SOFAKINGGOOD (formerly Channel 4 News Team) and sprouts, then there is everyone else.  In the North, there is only a game and a half that separates the top team (American BadAss) from the bottom team (Joe’s Pats).  But there are still five more weeks to go in the regular season, so nothing is settled yet!

Alright… let’s get on with this!


NOW THAT’S THE INSIDE STUFF!
-Calvin Johnson, WR – Channel 4 News Team (James) – 39 pts – Megatron scorched the Cowboys defense for 329 yards.  It is actually rather amazing with that many yards that he only crossed the goal line one time.  Even still, this ranks as the highest score ever recorded for a wide receiver in the Sacred Sundays league.  And not to put too fine of a point on this, but this marks two weeks in a row that Calvin Johnson has scored 30 points or more.  Last note on this one – Calvin Johnson’s 329 yards outgained 15 entire teams this week.

-Marvin Jones, WR – Free Agent – 36 pts – What in the? Who?  Talk about making the most of your opportunities… Marvin Jones is a wide receiver for the Bengals, and he was only in the game this last week for 19 snaps.  But in those 19 plays he tallied 122 yards and FOUR touchdowns!  Holy bejeezus!!
-Drew Brees, QB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 33 pts – Brees breezed past the Buffalo defense to the tune of 332 yards and five touchdown tosses.

-Andy Dalton, QB – sprouts – 31 pts – 31 pts – Dalton had almost an identical stat line to Brees… 325 yards and five touchdowns.  Tossing a single interception was his only mistake.
-Matthew Stafford, QB – Midnight Maulers – 29 pts – The Cowboys pass defense was virtually non-existent as Stafford rang up 488 yards passing.  He did have 2 interceptions, but offset that with one TD passing and one TD rushing.

-Colin Kaepernick, QB – BoomGoesTheDynamite – 27 pts – This game was out of hand real quick, as the 49ers absolutely stomped the hapless Jags.  Kaepernick got into the endzone twice on rushing plays which really helped his point total this week.

-Cam Newton, QB – SOFAKINGGOOD (Timmy) – 27 pts – After a dud of a week in Week 5 (6 points), Cam has gone for 30, 14 and now 27 points!  Good run!

COME ON, MAN!
-Tony Gonzalez, TE – Butkus’s Dick – 2 pts – I’m sure Tony is rethinking his decision to come back for one more season in the hopes of having a shot at playing in the Super Bowl.  Bet he wishes he could rejoin the Kansas City Chiefs.

-Chris Ivory, RB – BoomGoesTheDynamite – 1 pt – Ivory is not used in the passing game, so when the Jets fell behind 14-0 in the first quarter, that pretty much ended his day.

-Anthony Fasano, TE – SOFAKINGGOOD (Timmy) – 1 pt – Even a limited Jimmy Graham is waaay better than a healthy Anthony Fasano.

-Danny Amendola, WR – Vandelay Industries – 1 pt – Patriots went run heavy, so Amendola only managed 15 yards.  Not good.

-Darren Sproles, RB – Vandelay Industries – 1 pt – Sproles caught 4 passes for zero yards.  How in the hell do you catch four catches for zero yards?!  His only point came from the fact that he had 51 return yards.

-Steven Jackson, RB – Vandelay Industries – 0 pts – Here are a few excerpts from the post-game update on Jackson: “…he ran like a poor man’s Peyton Hillis.”  “…Slow would be an understatement.”  “…this was truly a pathetic performance.”  Ouch.  I wasn't even going to get that harsh.

-Marques Colston, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 1 pt – Colston is having a very disappointing year.  He currently ranks as the 73rd wide receiver with only 30 points scored.  Eddie Royal has twice the amount of points and is a free agent in our league.

-Rueben Randle, WR – Joe’s Pats – 0 pts – Having a New York Giant on your team this season is a gamble.  Could be like Week 5 where Mr. Randle scored 21 points, or could be like this week where he became a ghost.

-Greg Jennings, WR – Midnight Maulers – 0 pts – Only one catch for 9 yards for Jennings this week.  The terrible QB situation in Minnesota has turned Jennings into nothing more than a low-end wide receiver.  He ranks as the 51st receiver in fantasy, and most of that is due to his big week in Week 4 when he rang up 21 points.  Week 4, coincidentally, is the last time he’s scored a touchdown.

-Michael Vick, QB – Joe’s Pats – -1 pts – As always, I don’t like to pile on when a player gets hurt, but an exception is made when they post a negative point total.  Vick’s points for this season look like an airplane that ran out of gas: 25, 37, 15, 13, 11, then -1.
 

NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE THE DAY…
As I was perusing the final scores for the week, I saw that Joe’s Pats did not have Tom Brady or his recent acquisition, Rob Gronkowski, in his starting line-up.  “Oh, the Patriots must’ve been on a bye this week”, I thought.  But then I realized, “No wait, they played against Miami!  What in the hell is going on?!?”  Sure enough, looking at Joe’s bench, there were Brady and Gronk just sitting there.  Never would I have thought I would see the day where a team named for the New England Patriots would not have Tom Brady at the helm… strange days, indeed.


MIDTERM GRADES
This is what everyone has been waiting for… I mean who doesn’t love to be judged?  So here is a brief explanation of factors that I looked at when coming up with these grades.  Of course I looked at overall records and points scored, but I also considered the production from keepers, quality of draft picks and any memorable transactions through the first half of the season.  After weighing all those factors, the final element was just an overall gut feeling.  So without further adieu… (and these are in a particular order):

SOFAKINGGOOD (Formerly Channel 4 News Team)
Owner – Timmy
Overall Record – 7-1
Total Points Scored – 861
Weekly Points From Keepers – 28.8
Notes – Selecting Jimmy Graham in the 3rd round was a genius move.  In spite of Graham missing a week due to injury, he is still the second highest scoring player amongst pass catchers (trailing only Calvin Johnson).  Timmy also gets big credit for being the highest scoring team in the league by 113 points.
Mid-term Grade – A+

American BadAss
Owner – Jason
Overall Record – 4-3-1

Total Points Scored – 748
Weekly Points From Keepers – 34.1
Notes – American BadAss did well by selecting Fred Jackson in the 14th round of the draft.  Jackson is the 9th ranked RB in fantasy, and is the highest scoring player from that round of the draft.  American BadAss also has the highest weekly production from keepers.
Mid-term Grade – A

sprouts
Owner – Russ
Overall Record – 6-2
Total Points Scored – 748
Weekly Points From Keepers – 28.8
Notes – Sprouts ranks 5th in terms of keeper production, but that production is only coming from one guy, Peyton Manning.  So that is very impressive, and was a wise move by Russ to keep him.  The one knock against sprouts is that they’ve been fortunate to have the fewest points scored against them this season, a trend that may or may not continue.
Mid-term Grade – A-

Butkus’ Dick
Owner – Jerry
Overall Record – 4-4
Total Points Scored – 705
Weekly Points from Keepers – 26.6
Notes – Selecting Dez Bryant over Julio Jones has turned out to be a very wise decision.  Also, the third most points have been scored against me, so to be at 4-4 is a nice achievement.
Mid-term Grade – B

Channel 4 News Team (formerly SOFA KING GOOD)
Owner – James
Overall Record – 4-3-1
Total Points Scored – 657
Weekly Points from Keepers – 29.3
Notes – James did not have a real successful draft, as 3rd and 4th round picks (Steven Jackson and Roddy White) have had terrible seasons thus far.  But he did turn those two picks into Matt Ryan, through a trade with Vandelay Industries.  Keeping Calvin Johnson was a wise decision.
Mid-term Grade – B

Coors Light Drunk Guys
Owner – Shawn
Overall Record – 3-5
Total Points Scored – 645
Weekly Points from Keepers – 33.0
Notes – The Drunk Guys have the second highest production from keepers, which is mostly due to having Drew Brees.  They have also had the 5th most points scored against them this season, which has contributed to the losing record.
Mid-term Grade – B-

Midnight Maulers
Owner – Jamie
Overall Record – 4-4
Total Points Scored – 685
Weekly Points from Keepers – 19.8
Notes – The Maulers have the lowest point production from keepers this season, as Greg Jennings has been non-existent this season.  Jamie’s biggest score was picking Matthew Stafford in the 5th round.
Mid-term Grade – C+

Joe’s Pats
Owner – Joe
Overall Record – 3-5
Total Points Scored – 638
Weekly Points from Keepers – 26.0
Notes – As the New England Patriots go, so goes Joe’s Pats.  This is the first time I can even remember a season where Tom Brady was not dominating.  He is currently the 22nd ranked QB in fantasy…even Terrelle Pryor and Geno Smith have outscored him.   Joe has unfortunately had the second highest points scored against him this season which makes it tough to garner wins.
Mid-term Grade – C

Vandelay Industries
Owner – Louis
Overall Record – 2-6
Total Points Scored – 684
Weekly Points from Keepers – 20.2
Notes – Vandelay Industries had a super successful draft, snagging Matt Forte in round 3, and Philip Rivers in round 15.  Rivers was an exceptionally good pick, as he is currently the 6th best quarterback in fantasy.  The biggest knock against Vandelay is the trade that was completed in Week 5, acquiring Steven Jackson and Roddy White…two players that have barely seen the field.  Maybe the second half of the season will prove this to be a better trade.
Grade – C

BoomGoesTheDynamite
Owner – Jens
Overall Record – 2-6
Total Points Scored – 585
Weekly Points from Keepers – 25.6
Notes – Boom has the double-whammy distinction of having scored the fewest points thus far, and having had the most points scored against him.  Also, Boom has been a two-time recipient of the Best Bench.  Two runningbacks that were selected have done nothing this season (David Wilson – 7th round, 16 pts; Michael Bush – 12th round, 8 pts).  So far, not a good year for the defending champ.
Grade – D


WHO’S THE WORST?
With Michael Vick posting a negative total this week, and Jay Cutler doing it last week, it got me wondering about the worst player in fantasy this season.  The lowest total for the season was at -2 points held by five different players until this last week.  Kirk Cousins posted -3 points when he came into the game for RG III.  Way to go Kirk!!  He accomplished this feat by only throwing for 48 yards, but having 2 interceptions.  These have been the only points that Cousins has scored all year, so by virtue of that, he is the worst player in fantasy.  
His game was pretty bad, but it was still nowhere close to the worst game ever in fantasy which was accomplished by John Skelton.  In Week 14 of last season, Skelton threw for only 74 yards and had 4 interceptions and 1 lost fumble for a grand total of -8 points.  Now that sucks.


ESOTERIC JOKE OF THE WEEK
A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.


BEST BENCH
There were not a lot of points left on the bench this week.  There were a couple teams that even had their optimal lineups in this week.  This week’s winner of the Best Bench is actually the lowest Best Bench of the season.  And that team is… Channel 4 News Team, formerly SOFA KING GOOD.  James could have improved his point total by only 20 points this week with two roster moves: J. Gordon for H. Nicks (+14) and P. Thomas for M. Lynch (+6).


Week 9 here we come!  Make your picks and get your teams ready!

Sprouts make it happen in Week 7!

Teams will always try to play their best when they’re going up against the defending champion.  That has never been more true than for the last two weeks as the high scoring team of the week has been whoever is playing BoomGoesTheDynamite.  Last week it was Timmy’s Channel 4 News Team, and this week it’s Russ’ sprouts!  Sprouts was the only team this week that managed to break the triple digit mark, led by the highest scoring QB in the league (Peyton Manning) and the highest scoring wide receiver (A.J. Green).  Manning and Green made up for weak performances from sprouts runningbacks, and led Russ to his second Weekly High Score Prize of the season!!  Well done sir!

As mentioned, BoomGoesTheDynamite has had a knack for bringing out the best in teams for the past two weeks.  In addition to playing the highest scoring team, Boom has also had the distinct honor of being on the losing side of the biggest blowouts for the past two weeks.  Ouch!  Coming up in Week 8, Boom faces Timmy’s Channel 4 News Team once again so there is a good chance that they will face the highest scoring team for three weeks in a row.  Jens is showing just how hard it is to repeat as champion.  Not since American BadAss did it in the 2007 & 2008 seasons has this feat been accomplished.

This week we saw the last undefeated team go down, as Timmy’s Channel 4 News Team (aka SOFAKINGGOOD) couldn’t handle Butkus’ Dick.  So the league record for best starting record stands at 6-0.  Speaking of the Channel 4 News Team and SOFA KING GOOD, if you were confused when you logged in on Sunday, you were not the only one.  Timmy and James decided to engage in an experiment to test whether it is the team name or the team players that bring victories.  So SOFA KING GOOD (this is James’ team with spaces between the words) became Channel 4 News Team, and Channel 4 News Team (Timmy’s team) became SOFAKINGGOOD (with no spaces).  The results of the experiment were clear – players don’t really matter…it’s all about the team name!!  Also this week we had our first tie game of the season, between American BadAss and SOFA KING GOOD (aka Channel 4 News Team).  Tie games can feel like a waste, but they always seem to have a way of coming into play on playoff qualification.  Last year American BadAss tied with BoomGoesTheDynamite and those two teams ended up playing in the Championship game.  Going back to 2007, the only season where there has not been a tie game was 2011.

Okay, let’s get to this!


THESE GUYS ARE GOOD
-Calvin Johnson, WR – SOFA KING GOOD – 30 pts – Calvin put the “Mega” in Megatron this week, going off for 155 yards and 2 TD’s.  Last week he looked slowed by the knee injury but this week he looked as good as new.

-Andrew Luck, QB – Vandelay Industries – 29 pts – Luck accounted for 4 total TD’s (3 passing, 1 rushing), as well as 257 total yards (228 passing, 29 rushing), on the way to defeating the previously unstoppable Denver Broncos.

-Andy Dalton, QB – Free Agent – 29 pts – Dalton seems to be hitting his stride, going for 24 points last week, and now 29 points this week.

-Matthew Stafford, QB – Midnight Maulers – 29 pts – Stafford attempted 51 passes on Sunday, and completed 28 of them.  He’s on pace to throw 34 touchdowns this season, 14 better than his total last year.

-Matt Forte, RB – Vandelay Industries – 28 pts – Forte didn’t rack up a ton of yards this week (91 rushing, 18 receiving), but found the endzone three times!!  That’ll do!

-Peyton Manning, QB – sprouts – 28 pts – Even in a losing effort, this guy still wins.  All told, he threw for 386 yards and three TD’s.  Had he not thrown one interception, he would have been tied for the most points for the week.  Peyton still leads all scorers in fantasy, having scored 205 points so far, with the next closest player trailing by 60.  Yes, you read that right… Manning has 60 more points that the 2nd highest scoring player, Matthew Stafford, who has 145.  Peyton is averaging 29 points per week…only 25 players in the league have even scored 29 points in a single week.


COME ON MAN
-DeSean Jackson, WR – Channel 4 News Team – 2 pts – Jackson and his QB Nick Foles never seemed to be on the same page.  Foles would be rolling right, and Jackson would be running left or vice versa.  Should be good for Jackson to get Vick back this week.

-TY Hilton, WR – Vandelay Industries – 2 pts – Targeted 11 times, but only managed 2 catches.  Pretty well sums up his night.

-BenJarvus Green-Ellis, RB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 2 pts – Law Firm is playing second fiddle to Giovani Bernard, and only managed to get 24 yards.

-Trent Richardson, RB – BoomGoesTheDynamite – 1 pt – Quite the regression we’re seeing from Richardson, as he only managed 37 yards on 14 carries (2.6 avg) and lost a fumble.  Donald Brown looks like the better option among Colts runningbacks.

-Kenbrell Thompkins, WR – Joe’s Pats – 1 pt – Tom Brady will be looking for one guy in the passing game now, and that guy’s name is Rob Gronkowski.  Pretty sure that Brady will forget that Thompkins even exists.

-Jay Cutler, QB – Midnight Maulers – -1 pt – I don’t normally highlight guys that scored low because they got injured in the game, but an exception is made when the score is in the negative territory.  And honestly, I can’t think of a more painful sounding injury than what Cutler suffered: “torn groin”.  The word “ouch” just doesn’t even come close to describing that one…


INJURY BUG COMETH
What a week for terrible injuries to big names:
-Sam Bradford, QB, STL – Torn ACL; out for season.
-Jay Cutler, QB, CHI – Torn groin; out 4-6 weeks.
-Lance Briggs, LB, CHI – Shoulder injury; out 4-6 weeks.
-Reggie Wayne, WR, IND – Torn ACL; out for season.
-Jermichael Finley, TE, GB – Neck injury; likely out for season.
-Doug Martin, RB, TB – Torn labrum; likely out for season.
I’m expecting quite a bit of activity on the waiver wire this week…


TRADE TRACKER
The cut-off date for completing trades this season is November 22nd, which is the Friday before Thanksgiving.  If you want to get any trading done, do it before that date!
To this point in the season there have been two trades: Vandelay Industries & SOFA KING GOOD and Butkus’ Dick & American BadAss.  Here is how those have worked out so far:

Week 5 Trade:
Vandelay Industries – Players received: Roddy White, WR, ATL; Darren Sproles, RB, NO; Steven Jackson, RB, ATL.
Total points since trade: 15 (5.00/week)
SOFA KING GOOD – Players received: Doug Martin, RB, TB; Matt Ryan, QB, ATL; Montee Ball, RB, DEN.
Total points since trade: 52 (17.33/week)
Winner so far: SOFA KING GOOD

Week 6 Trade:
Butkus’ Dick – Players received: Larry Fitzgerald, WR, ARI
Total points since trade: 16 (8.00/week)
American BadAss – Players received: Jordan Cameron, TE, CLE
Total points since trade: 17 (8.50/week)
Winner so far: American BadAss


OREGON – FUN WITH TAXPAYER MONEY
During the recent government shutdown, many federal workers that were furloughed applied for unemployment benefits.  Once these workers were reinstated, and back pay was granted, those in Washington (the state, not DC) were informed that they would have to pay back any unemployment money they received.  Not so in Oregon!  Oregon announced that the federal workers could keep their unemployment checks because, and I quote: “The federal workers didn’t know if they were going to get paid for the time they were furloughed.”  So these people got to have a week and a half off of work, got paid for it, didn’t have to use any leave time AND received unemployment checks.  They must be wishing for a government shutdown every other week.


ESOTERIC JOKE OF THE WEEK
Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.


FOREVER (increasing) STAMPS
Pop quiz – Do you know the current price of a stamp?  Postage stamps used to have the denomination printed right on them, so it was easy to tell how much a stamp cost.  Now with the proliferation of the Forever Stamps, you never see the price of the stamp anymore, you just see “Forever”.  Forever Stamps were introduced in May 2007 along with an increase in postage from 39 cents to 41 cents.  At the time, and still to this day, Forever Stamps seem like a good deal for consumers because it was always a big hassle to have to get 1 cent or 2 cent stamps, and it was especially annoying to get a letter returned due to insufficient postage.  But I got to thinking about the flip side of the coin…

Since the introduction of the Forever Stamp, first class postage has increased four times to where it now stands at 46 cents.  (There’s your answer to the earlier question.)  Most likely you didn’t even notice that postage was increased in January of this year.  Part of this is surely due to the fact that people don’t mail letters nearly as often as in the past, but also it is surely in part due to the fact that we don’t see the price anymore!  Postage has been increased five times in the last 6 years, which is the most increases over any span of time since the Postal Service began in its current form in 1863.  Essentially what the Forever Stamp has done is give the Postal Service free reign on increasing postage, because no one sees or feels the change anymore.

So it is 46 cents to mail a letter these days.  But don’t get too locked in on that price because, you guessed it, postage rates will be going up again in January 2014 to 49 cents.  That will make it 6 increases in 7 years… 39 cents to 49 cents or a 25.6% increase since Forever Stamps hit the scene (not that anyone is noticing).


BEST BENCH
Having a player score in the negatives is always going to make you a candidate for Best Bench, especially when that player is your starting quarterback.  So the award for Best Bench in Week 7 goes to… the Midnight Maulers!  Jamie only need 3 roster moves to improve his point total by a solid 42 points!  M. Stafford for J. Cutler (+30 pts), S. Rice for A. Dodson (+8 pts) and C. Shorts for G. Jennings (+4 pts).


There are 6 teams on a bye week for Week 8, so make sure you get your roster set.  And bring your #2 pencil and answer sheet next week because it’s time for midterms!!

Channel 4 News Team Marches On!

We basically have two different leagues going on right now… one that has nine teams battling it out trying to break 80 points on a weekly basis, and in an adjacent galaxy is the league that Channel 4 News Team is in.  Tim’s News Boys just posted the 6th highest Weekly High Score ever, in spite of their best player, Jimmy Graham, posting zero points!  Holy crap!!  And to top it off, their margin of victory this week was the largest margin of victory in league history at 96 points!  Only one other team even scored 96 points this week, let alone won their game by that margin.  Like Madonna and Rosie O’Donnell, Timmy and the Channel 4 News Team are in a league of their own.  Channel 4’s domination this week was led by Cam Newton (30 points) and the Chiefs Defense (26 points).  The Chiefs D is the top scoring defense in all of fantasy, and it is not even close! They have amassed 125 points so far, while the second place team (Seattle) has only scored 85.  Way to go, TIM-TIM!!

The highest single week score ever posted in Sacred Sundays history is 148 points and has been achieved twice – James did it in Week 3-2011, and Jens did it in Week 14-2012.  With the way the News Team was rolling through the first half of games on Sunday, I thought that this record was going to be long-gone.  But cracking 150 points still seems to be tough nut.  In any event, this marks Timmy’s fourth Weekly High Score Prize of this young season.  The record for the most high score prizes in a season is 4.5, and Timmy is well on pace to obliterate that mark.  Also, the best ever starting record is 6-0 (Midnight Maulers in 2007, SOFA KING GOOD in 2010, and Moves Like Jagger in 2011), so we’ll see if that one can be bested this coming week.

In league-wide news, the standings are still super close, with four teams at 3-3 and four teams at 2-4.  Now is the point of the season where managing your roster becomes uber-important as injuries and bye weeks keep on coming.  Speaking of that, it appears that Jens and I are the only managers that know about the Weekly Pick ‘Em, as we are the only two who consistently pick the winners each week.  This season, Louis, Russ, James, Shawn and Jamie have not made any picks.  Remember, each week the manager that picks the most games correctly will be moved to the first slot on the waiver wire.  That means that you get first crack at free agents.  (If there is a tie between two teams picking the most correct, the waiver order will just be the inverse of the standings.)  To pick the winners each week, you just have to look at the matchups and click the team that you think will win.

Okay, so this week I’ve got an update on the playoff race, I’ll relay the best analysis that I’ve heard on this whole Redskin debate, and we award the first repeat winner of the Best Bench.  So let’s get to this…


OH YEAH!
-Vernon Davis, TE – BoomGoesTheDynamite – 33 pts – For two weeks in a row the highest scoring player for the week has been on BoomGoesTheDynamite’s roster, sitting on his bench.  Last week was Romo’s 43 points, and now this.  Davis was on fire this week, catching 8 passes for 180 yards and 2 touchdowns, and in the process scored the second most points in a single week by any tight end or wide receiver.

-Cam Newton, QB – Channel 4 News Team – 30 pts – When the big man gets rolling, it’s next to impossible to stop him.  Cam threw 3 TD’s, rushed for one, and racked up 272 total yards in a dominating performance over the Vikings.

-Nick Foles, QB – Free Agent – 29 pts – Vick who?  This could have spelled the end of the Michael Vick era in Philly… however, it did come against Tampa Bay so we shouldn’t get too far ahead of ourselves.

-Knowshon Moreno, RB – Joe’s Pats – 28 pts – Moreno only gained 42 yards on the ground but managed to stick it in the endzone three times!  That is good use of those yards!

-Marshawn Lynch, RB – SOFA KING GOOD – 26 pts – Marshawn is quietly putting together a great season, averaging 15.5 points per game and is currently the third best runningback in fantasy.



OH NO!
-Jason Witten, TE – BoomGoesTheDynamite – 2 pts – Nothing doing for JW in this one, with only 3 catches for 27 yards.

-Calvin Johnson, WR – SOFA KING GOOD – 2 pts – Megatron only caught 3 balls for 25 yards.  Gotta hate these situations…if he’s hurt he shouldn’t play.  Seems like the Lions almost just used him more as a decoy than anything else…

-Antonio Gates, TE – Vandelay Industries – 2 pts – Gates headed into this week averaging 11.8 points per game for the last four games, but was pretty much a non-factor.

-Greg Olsen, TE – Midnight Maulers – 1 pt – In spite of the Panthers routing the Vikings, Olsen only had two grabs for 19 yards.

-Torrey Smith, WR – BoomGoesTheDynamite – 1 pt – Smith was apparently a victim of “the cloud”.  Joe Flacco said after the game that the Packers “cloud coverage” was the reason Torrey Smith managed just one catch for 12 yards.  Watch out for that cloud!!

-Marques Colston, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 1 pt – With Graham out and Lance Moore inactive, Colston only saw three targets in this game and finished with one catch for 11 yards.  What is going on there...?

-Jimmy Graham, TE – Channel 4 News Team – 0 pts – Graham reportedly injured his foot in this game, but actually came back to play.  It ended up being the first time in 46 games that he did not catch a pass.


WHAT’S IN A NAME?
This was the best analysis that I’ve heard in regards to the controversy now surrounding the Washington
Redskins:  “The Washington Redskins are considering changing the name of their team because being associated with ‘Washington’ is embarrassing.”  Right on.


PLAYOFFS!
After six weeks of battle, there are only four records held by teams: 6-0, 4-2, 3-3 and 2-4.  Here are the historic percentages of those records qualifying for the playoffs:

6-0 – 66.7% (Has happened 3 times, with 2 qualifying)

4-2 – 90% (Has happened 10 times, with 9 qualifying)

3-3 – 50% (Has happened 18 times, with 9 qualifying)

2-4 – 41.7% (Has happened 12 times, with 5 qualifying)

So I’m still sticking with my ponies from last week: Channel 4 News Team, American BadAss, Midnight Maulers, sprouts, Butkus’ Dick and Vandelay Industries to make the playoffs.


ESOTERIC JOKE OF THE WEEK
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?  He’s 0K now.


BEST BENCH
Jens has been playing a guessing game all year with the quarterback and tight end position, and has really guessed wrong the last two weeks.  Last week Tony Romo went crazy with 43 points, while Jens’ active QB Colin Kaepernick only netted 9 points.  This week, Vernon Davis went crazy with 33 points, while Jens’ active TE Jason Witten only got 2 points.  So for the second week in a row, and our first multi-time recipient of the season, the Best Bench goes to… BoomGoesTheDynamite!  With only 3 roster moves, Jens could have improved his point total by 39 points.  V. Davis for J. Witten (+31 pts), C. Kaepernick for T. Romo (+7 pts) and D. Hopkins for T. Smith (+1 pt).


Six weeks down and only two weeks away from mid-term grades...

Week 5 wrapped in latex!

Giddyup!!  Vandelay Industries imported a full can of whoop ass to take the High Score Prize for Week 5!   The San Diego trio (Rivers, Woodhead and Gates) combined for 38 points, but the big boosts for Louis this week came from the 49ers Defense (23 points) and T.Y. Hilton who went off for 26 points.  Vandelay Industries gets extra props this week for having an optimal line-up!  Well done sir!  The victory moves Vandelay Industries into 6th place, which of course would be the final playoff spot if the playoffs were to start this week.  There are currently 5 teams at 2-3, three teams at 3-2, one at 1-4, and at the top of the heap is Channel 4 News Team with the unblemished 5-0 record.  So there are 8 teams within 1 game of each other after five weeks...talk about parity!  That bodes well for everyone’s chances on making it into the playoffs!  But of course, only six teams will make it in, and I’ve got my picks below…

First, some quick observations…


BIG TIME FOOTBALL
-Tony Romo, QB – BoomGoesTheDynamite – 43 pts – Fantasy-wise, Romo was the best this weekend (506 yards, 5 TD’s).  Reality-wise, he is one of the worst quarterbacks to ever put on a helmet.  It is comical now how predictable it is for Romo to throw an interception, cough up a fumble, or throw to a receiver two yards short of the first down when on the game’s final drive.  As sure as the sun will rise in the morning, Romo will f**k it up.
-Peyton Manning, QB – sprouts – 39 pts – On the other side of the universe from Tony Romo is Mr. Manning.  He continued his backhanded slap of the rest of the league by putting up 414 yards, 4 TD’s and 1 rushing TD.  He is now averaging, averaging!, 32.8 points per game.  Unbelievable.
-Alshon Jeffery, WR – Free Agent – 30 pts – Out of nowhere this guy scored 20 points last week, and now 30 points this week courtesy of 218 yards receiving and a touchdown.
-T.Y. Hilton, WR – Vandelay Industries – 26 pts – Tyrone’s Youngin’ went for 140 yards and 2 scores on only five catches.  That’s getting it done!

WHAT IN THE WHA???
-Tom Brady, QB – Joe’s Pats – 5 pts – First time in 52 games that Brady has not thrown a touchdown.
-Lamar Miller, RB – sprouts – 1 pt – Only 15 yards on 7 carries for Miller.


ESOTERIC JOKE OF THE WEEK
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”


PLAYOFFS? DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!  PLAYOFFS?!
We are five weeks into the season and three teams have a record of 3-2, and five teams have a record of 2-3.  Not surprisingly, these two records are the two most common records at this point in the season, having occurred 19 and 16 times, respectively.  A record of 5-0 has occurred 4 times, and 1-4 has happened 6 times.

So it is time to get to my picks for the teams that will make it to the playoffs this season… first is Channel 4 News Team.  A 5-0 record has a qualification percentage of 75%, so Timmy is the odds-on favorite to make it in.  The record of 3-2 has qualification percentage of 68%, so that is roughly 2 out of 3.  Given that there are three teams with that record, I am predicting that two of those will make it in.  The two I’m picking are the Midnight Maulers and sprouts.

For my final three picks, I’m taking American BadAss, Vandelay Industries and Butkus’ Dick.  A 2-3 record has a qualification percentage of 50%, so I’m going against the odds here just a bit taking 3 of 5 teams.  But those three teams have outscored all the others to this point, so that is why I picked them.

To recap, my six teams picked to make it to the playoffs:  Channel 4 News Team, sprouts, Midnight Maulers, American BadAss, Vandelay Industries and Butkus’ Dick.  I'll probably be lucky to get half of those correct...


BEST BENCH
The Best Bench winner this week won it by a landslide… not surprising when you have a player on your bench score 43 points!  So this week’s winner is – BoomGoesTheDynamite!  With only two roster moves, Jens could have improved his point total by 48 points!  T. Romo for C. Kaepernick (+34 pts) and R. Rice for T. Richardson (+14 pts).


Get ready for Week 6!  Can we really be only 2 weeks away from midterms?

Channel 4 wins Week 4... how appropriate!

Two's company, and three is...well, even better!!

Three in a row baby!!  That's what I'm talking about!!!

The Channel 4 News Team is in the zone... no other way to put it.  365 points scored in the last three weeks, and an average margin of victory of 31 points!  That is just supreme domination.  Last year sprouts won three in a row for Weeks 6, 7 and 8, then BoomGoesTheDynamite did it in Weeks 13, 14 and 15.  Timmy has done it by having superb play from quarterbacks, runningbacks and his defense, all of which are Kansas City Chiefs!  (Somewhere Chief Dredd is smiling from ear-to-ear.)  But perhaps the biggest key to the News Team's domination is the play of Jimmy Graham.  Graham is the sixth highest scoring player in all of fantasy, having outscored every runningback, wide receiver and defense to this point.  A tight end!! He is on a blistering pace, averaging 20.8 points per game, for a total of 89 points.  (The highest scoring RB is a tie between LeSean McCoy and Adrian Peterson with 76 points, and the highest scoring WR is Victor Cruz with only 67 points).  Keep on rolling, Tim-Tim!!  Nice work!

This week there were two teams that broke the triple digit mark, yet still lost.  So far this season, teams have scored over 100 points 10 times, and prior to this week none had lost.  Historically speaking (going back to 2007), teams have scored over 100 points 196 times, with 25 of those coming in a losing effort.  So scoring over 100 points results in a victory 87.24% of the time.  Below, I've taken a look into the scoring in our league, to figure out just what it takes to win a game.  Also, I get into some early playoff predictions and award the fourth different manager for best bench in as many weeks.

Let's get to this!!


BIG TIME, BILL!
-Drew Brees, QB - Coors Light Drunk Guys - 35 pts – If it wasn’t for a guy named Peyton Manning, everyone would be talking about how Drew Brees may be the best quarterback in the league.  He went for 413 yards and 4 touchdowns, as the Saints moved the ball as much as they wanted Monday night.  Brees trails only the aforementioned Manning for most points scored this season.
-Philip Rivers, QB - Vandelay Industries - 29 pts - The Cowboys secondary is world-renowned for their ability to get burned deep, and Rivers showed you why.  He torched them for 401 yards and 3 touchdowns.
-Peyton Manning, QB - sprouts - 29 pts – This really sums up just how well Mr. Manning is playing the game of football right now:  16 touchdowns, 0 interceptions.  F, ING, A.
-Tony Gonzalez, TE - Butkus' Dick - 26 pts - After a ho-hum start to the season, Tony exploded for 149 yards and 2 touchdowns!  Nice catch, Tony!
-Adrian Peterson, RB - Butkus' Dick - 26 pts - AP continues have a good year in spite of being on the Minnesota Vikings.  He rattled off 140 yards and two touchdowns.


COME ON, MAN...
-DeSean Jackson, WR - Channel 4 News Team - 3 pts - After blowing up in Weeks 1 and 2 with 16 and 28 points, DeSean has fallen off dramatically with only 6 points last week, and now only 3.
-Chris Johnson, RB - Coors Light Drunk Guys - 3 pts – Can’t feel good as an owner of CJ to have him say this on Twitter: "Public service announcement: I can care less about fantasy football. Key word fantasy. As long as we win I'm happy. I rush for 200 n lose y'all happy.  U r the head coach n the owner of ur fantasy team so u should be mad at urself I didn't ask any of u to draft me so if I'm so sorry y start me."
- Maurice Jones-Drew, RB - sprouts - 2 pts – MJD has not gotten off to a good start at all this season.  He has only found the endzone one time, and has only managed 138 yards through four games.  That just isn't gonna get it done.


FREE AGENT ALL-STARS
Check out the free agent team that I put together this week to just edge out Channel 4 News Team for the Weekly High Score:
QB - Ben Roethlisberger, PIT (18 pts)
RB - Roy Helu, WAS (14 pts)
RB - LeGarrette Blount, NE (12 pts)
WR - Nate Washington, TEN (22 pts)
WR - Danny Woodhead, SD (20 pts)
TE - Coby Fleener, IND (13 pts)
K - David Akers, DET (18 pts)
DEF - Indianapolis (24 pts)
Grand Total - 141 points
Not bad for a ragtag group of unwanteds...


GENERALLY THE TEAM THAT SCORES THE MOST POINTS IS GOING TO WIN THE GAME
I've gone back and analyzed the scores from all games going back to 2009 (including playoffs) in order to get a picture of what scoring looks like in our league.
Here are some highlights:
- The score that has been achieved the most times: 87 (occurred 17 times).
- The second most common scores: 88 & 79 (15 times).

- Average score: 87.4.
- Median score: 86.5
- Highest score: 148 (2 times)
- Lowest score: 21
- Highest score in a loss: 116 (has occurred twice)
- Lowest score in a win: 53 (53 has occurred 3 times, with one of those being a victory).
- Scores that have never been defeated: 57, 96, 106, 110, 112, 114, and anything higher than 117.
- Scores that have never won: 65, 62, 61, 60, 59, 58, 55, 54, and anything lower than 53.
- There have only been 6 tie games.
- No score has had multiple tie games.


PLAYOFFS?!  DON'T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!
I know I promised last week that I was going to make my first round of playoff predictions this week.  But, I'm actually going to hold off for one more week and make my predictions after the conclusion of next week's games.  In years past I've always made it a point to start my predictions in Week 3, change it up each week, and by Week 6 I'll have predicted all teams to make it to the playoffs at least one time.  Well not this year!  Next week I will make a prediction of the 6 teams that I believe will make the playoffs, and I will stick with those six.

For now, I will give a bit of historical perspective on which teams have the best shot at making it into the playoffs, considering where they are at this point of the season.  Of the records currently held by teams in our league, the most likely record to qualify for the playoffs is not 4-0, or 3-1 or even 2-2.  Remarkably, the record of 1-3 has occurred 11 times with 9 of those teams making the playoffs, a qualifications percentage of 81.8%.  (So Vandelay Industries, Joe's Pats and BoomGoesTheDynamite are all sitting pretty right now).  In a very close second is 4-0, which has occurred 5 times, with 4 of those making it in, so Channel 4 News Team has an 80% chance of making it into the playoffs.  The Midnight Maulers are the only team with a 3-1 record, which has happened 12 times, with 8 teams making it in (66.7%).  For everyone else at 2-2, less than half of teams that start with that record actually make it into the playoffs (it has occurred 19 times with only 9 teams making it in...only a 47.4% qualification rate).

The record that is the sure lock after four weeks is, get this, 1-2-1 which has happened 3 times in the past with all 3 of the teams making it in.  The only sure shutout at this point is a record of 0-3-1 which has only happened once with the team not qualifying for the playoffs.  No team is winless this year, but even if there was one, that wouldn't mean they weren't going to have a shot at the playoffs... 0-4 has happened five times, with one of those coming back and making it in.  (That happened way back in 2007, with the team 2Fantastic).

Next week it is full-on playoff predictions!


BEST BENCH
There were not a whole lot of points left on the bench this week, and this week’s winner is actually the lowest Best Bench total of the season so far.  The team that takes the title of Best Bench for Week 4 is… Joe’s Pats!  Joe needed only three roster moves to improve his point total by 27 points.  K. Moreno for D. McFadden (+12 pts), K. Thompkins for J. Jones (+8 pts) and Cowboys DEF for Rams DEF (+7 pts).

Get those waiver claims in, pick the weekly winners, get your line-up set, and get ready for Week 5!  Four teams on byes this week…Minnesota, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay and Washington.