Week 1 is in the books and it belongs to the King! With three players scoring over twenty points, and six players scoring in double digits, James racked up a solid 124 points to take the season's first Weekly High Score crown. The top scoring player for Sofa King Back was James Conner who put up a stellar 28-point performance in place of the still-holding-out Le’Veon Bell. (Seriously, how bad did that game screw up Ball’s bargaining position with the Steelers?) The King also dominated in the wide receiver position, getting 20 & 20 from Julio Jones and Mike Evans. In Week 1 last season, Joe’s Pats was the high scoring team, and they went on to win the title. In an odd coincidence, Joe’s Pats opponent in that Week 1 matchup was none other than yours truly--the same team James defeated this week. If history be our guide, I’d say Sofa King Back is the early season favorite to win it all this season!
Along with Sofa King Back, three other teams managed to crack the triple digit scoring in Week 1. (Stark contrast from last year with zero teams scoring over 100 for the first two weeks of the season.) Vandelay Industries scored 114 en route to victory (with half of those coming from two Saints – Alvin Kamara (33) and Michael Thomas (25)), the Coors Light Drunk Guys put up 105 in their victory (boosted by Drew Brees (34) and Jay Ajayi (20), and my Longshanks boys posted 104 in a losing effort (d’oh!). Historically speaking, scoring over 100 points results in victory 88.5% of the time. In fact, last season only twice did a team score over 100 in a losing effort. (The fewest times a team has scored over 100 in a losing effort was zero back in 2008. The most times it has happened in a season is 7, which occurred in back-to-back seasons of 2011 & 2012).This week we’ll take a first look at the All Unwanteds and see who gets the Week 1 Best Bench. Onward!
WHAT WE DO IN LIFE, ECHOES IN ETERNITY
- Ryan Fitzpatrick, QB – Free Agent – 44 pts – This was a stat line even Peyton Manning would be impressed by: 21 of 28, 417 yards, 4 TD’s, 0 Int’s, plus 36 yards on the ground and 1 rush TD! Fitz was perfect in the first half, and I mean that literally. He posted a QB rating of 158.3, which is the highest rating one can achieve. Nicely done. It’s not the first time he’s gone big either… he had a 42 point game back in Week 13 of 2014, where he threw 6 TD’s (hell yeah!) to go along with 358 yards passing.
- Tyreek Hill, WR – American BadAss – 38 pts – The speed Hill possesses is simply astounding. He makes everyone on the field look slow. He caught 7 balls for 169 yards (24.1 yards per catch), had 2 receiving TD’s, plus added a 91-yard punt return TD.
- Drew Brees, QB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 34 pts – In a game completely devoid of defense, Brees went off for 439 yards passing and 3 TD’s.
- Alvin Kamara, RB – Vandelay Industries – 33 pts – Kamara found the endzone a total of 5 times on Sunday… 3 TD’s and two 2-point conversions. That to go along with 141 total yards is a pretty freaking awesome way to start the season.
- Philip Rivers, QB – Vandelay Industries – 31 pts – The Chargers fell behind early, so Rivers had to sling it a lot. He did so to the tune of 51 times in the game. 51 attempts! But he did amass 424 yards, 3 TD’s and only 1 INT, which isn’t that bad when you consider how many times he threw it.
- New York Jets, DEF – Free Agent – 29 pts – Not sure if the Jets defense is this good, or if the Lions offense is this bad, but wow. By the end of the shellacking they put on the Lions, they had only allowed 11 points, while getting 5 interceptions (1 returned for a TD), plus a punt return TD.
- Patrick Mahomes, QB – Bubble Craps Bandits – 28 pts – Mahomes’ 3rd pass of the game was a beautiful 58-yard strike to Tyreek Hill. He threw 3 more TD’s on the day, with zero interceptions. Booyah!
COME ON, MAN!
- Evan Engram, TE – Vandelay Industries – 1 pt – Not much doing for Engram against the tough Jags defense… he finished with just 2 catches for 18 yards.
- Trey Burton, TE – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 1 pt – He was the second most targeted player for the Bears (6), yet he only caught 1 ball for 16 yards.
- Amari Cooper, WR – American BadAss – 0 pts – Cooper came oh-so-close to scoring some points this week, as he caught 1 pass for 9 yards and had 1 rush for 9 yards. Not quite the production Jason was hoping for when drafting Cooper in the 4th round.
- Jimmy Graham, TE – Young Guns – 0 pts – Do you remember when Jimmy Graham was a legit threat to put up numbers and could be considered one of the league's top tight ends? Yeah, me neither…
- Travis Kelce, TE – Bubble Craps Bandits – 0 pts – On a day when the Chiefs offense is rolling, you would’ve expected Kelce to have a big day. Or maybe just an alright day. Or at worst a mediocre day. Nope, instead we got this clunker where he only caught one ball for six yards.
- LA Chargers, DEF – Young Guns – (-3 pts) – The Chargers D didn’t do much to slow down the Chiefs. The only stat recorded was one QB sack, along with surrendering 38 points.
- New Orleans Saints, DEF – Joe’s Pats – (-3 pts) – There were two negative scoring defenses this week, and somehow Joe and John managed to have them in their active lineups. That is some kind of special right there. Any one of 20 other teams would have scored positive points, but somehow both of these teams were on active rosters. Crazy!
BEST COMMENT I READ ABOUT THE BROWNS
“Congratulations Browns, you no longer have a losing streak. You now have a winless streak.”
AARON RODGERS – A HERO’S HERO AMONGST HEROES
Chris Collinsworth and Al Michaels took their praise for Aaron Rodgers to a new level on Sunday night. It was full knee pad and reach-around type of praise. Now I’m not saying Rodgers didn’t have a good game, or wasn’t impressive for battling through the injury and pulling out the victory and all that. But with how Chris and Al spoke about it, you would’ve thought Rodgers had single-handedly rescued P.O.W.’s from a Vietnam internment camp, finished his work on curing heart disease, brokered a Middle East peace treaty, all while saving dozens of children from an orphanage fire, and adopting every homeless puppy in the country. John Gruden was always the biggest worshiper-from-the-booth (e.g. “This guy right here is just one of the best pure football players in the league”, said about Ryan Tannehill immediately before throwing a pick six), so I suppose Chris and Al are just trying to make up for his absence. But come on...rein it in Collinsworth!
THE ALL UNWANTEDS
As mentioned last week, the three NFL teams with the fewest players selected in the draft were the Miami Dolphins, New York Jets and Arizona Cardinals, who each only had two players selected or kept. Thus, from the remaining players on those three teams, here is the Week 1 All Unwanteds:
| Pos | Name | Pts |
| QB | Ryan Tannehill Mia | 13 |
| RB | Bilal Powell NYJ | 6 |
| RB | Frank Gore Mia | 6 |
| WR | Jakeem Grant Mia | 11 |
| WR | Quincy Enunwa NYJ | 12 |
| TE | Neal Sterling NYJ | 2 |
| K | Jason Myers NYJ | 12 |
| DEF | New York NYJ | 29 |
| Total | 91 |
BEST BENCH
For Week 1, there really were not a lot of points left sitting idle on the bench. This either means we all know what we are doing, or we all have zero depth and are only one injury away from really low scoring games! But with only a 26-point improvement possibility, the Week 1 Best Bench goes to… Vandelay Industries! Rob needed only two roster moves to net the 26 points – A. Peterson for J. Williams (+16) and P. Rivers for T. Brady (+10).
SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION
Lastly, wanted to close with a quick note on something I'm very excited about. For over 8 years, my dad and I have been working on a Blackjack book, and I'm pleased to announce "Ace The Tables - How to Gain the Advantage in Blackjack" is finally complete and is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other online vendors! The eBook versions (Kindle & Nook) were just made available recently as well. Here is a link to Amazon if you'd like to check it out! Ace The Tables
Until next week...
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