This week the big congratulations go to defending champion Joe’s Pats for narrowly holding on to best my Rebels 117-116. Joe got a massive performance on Thursday night from Matt Forte (28 pts), and added big points from Carson Palmer (24 pts), the Panthers D (17 pts) and his kicker (Justin Tucker, 15 pts). My Rebels almost overcame the deficit, and literally came within 3 yards of tying on Monday Night. Ryan Mathews had 37 yards in the 4th quarter, but on his final carry was thrown for a 5 yard loss (instead of gaining 3 measly yards), and never re-entered the game. Oh so close! But nice work Joe! Teams winning the high score in Week 2 have only missed the playoffs 1 time out of the last nine years, and have finished in 2nd place 5 of those years.
This week we will check in on our All-Unwanted Team, see what happened with the latest “Iced Kick”, and relive the greatest kick-to-the-face in football history. Oh yeah, and we also had our 2016 regular season “What Do You Know?!? Bowl” this past week! Let’s do this!!
UH HUH
- Cam Newton, QB – Scottish Rebels – 32 pts – Cam got off to a slow start, throwing an interception on the opening drive and losing a fumble early. But then he poured in on the 49ers, finishing with 353 passing yards and 4 TD’s!! Love this guy!
- Matt Ryan, QB – sprouts – 30 pts – Hard to believe an undrafted QB leads the league in scoring through the first two weeks. Russ got away with a steal here…
- Matt Forte, RB – Joe’s Pats – 28 pts – Forte ran all over the hapless Bills, finishing with 100 yards and 3 TD’s. He is on pace to carry the ball 472 times this season (wtf?!), and is the 2nd highest scoring runningback (42 total points).
- Stefon Diggs, WR – American BadAss – 27 pts – Second coming of Randy Moss? Diggs accounted for over half of the Vikings passing yards, finishing with 182 yards and a TD. Could it be time for some playing time?- Ryan Tannehill, QB – Free Agent – 25 pts – Tannehill.O Most of his scoring came in the second half after the Patriots had gone up 24-3, but still, he had a streak where he was 20-for-21 on completions with the only incompletion being a throwaway. The Daniel Tosh lookalike has a favorable matchup next week with the Browns.
COME ON MAN!
- Alex Smith, QB – Bubble Craps Bandits – 3 pts – After an awesome start to the season, scoring 30 points in Week 1, Smith came crashing back to Earth in Week 2. Just no offense to speak of, and he lost two fumbles.
- Doug Baldwin, WR – SofaKingLucky – 2 pts – Last week the Rams looked like a struggling JV team, and this week the Seahawks only manage 3 points against them. Odd.
- Coby Fleener, TE – SofaKingLucky – 2 pts – Fleener nearly quintupled his yardage production this week, but unfortunately “nearly quintupling” 6 yards means he only had 29 yards this week.
- Carlos Hyde, RB – Vandelay Industries – 2 pts – Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde… 20 points and looking good in Week 1…2 points and looking bad in Week 2. We’ll see who shows up in Week 3.
- Connor Barth, K – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 2 pts – It is good to be consistent… Barth has scored 2 points in each of his first 2 games. That is good enough to have him ranked 32nd amongst all kickers.
ALL UNWANTEDS
In keeping with the idea of schedules mattering, I’m changing the way a win or loss will be computed for the All Unwanted Team. Rather than comparing the All Unwanteds score to the average league score for the week, I’ve had the computer randomly assign weekly opponents. The Week 1 opponent was sprouts, whom the All Unwanteds outscored 71-61, so they are 1-0 going into this week.
Here is how they did:
Matt Ryan Atl - QB 30Steve Smith Sr. Bal - WR 6
Mohamed Sanu Atl - WR 1
Terrance West Bal - RB 5
Shaun Draughn SF - RB 2
Jacob Tamme Atl - TE 13
Matt Bryant Atl - K 9
Baltimore Bal - DEF 14
TOTAL = 80
The randomly assigned opponent for this week was SofaKingLucky who only scored 56 points, so the All Unwanteds are 2-0! Next week’s opponent is Joe’s Pats.
TEN LORDS A LEAPING
Hopefully you saw the highlight of Legarrette Blount hurdling over a would-be Miami Dolphin tackler, leaving the guy grabbing at air. If you missed it, here is a link... https://twitter.com/NFL/status/777592570658430976?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Blount's leap over this guy is extra awesome because in the process of jumping over him, Blount kicks the guy in the head. That adds a little extra humiliation to the hurdlee. But it was still not close to my favorite football highlight of all time:
I can literally watch this clip for 5 minutes straight. I mean look how far he flies before he kicks that guy! And he just straight up kicks him in the face/throat! Doesn't even try to go over the guy. Hands down, the best foot to the face ever.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!? BOWL
This week’s meeting between the Coors Light Drunk Guys and NextYearElPatio marked the 14th meeting of these two teams since 2007. Jens now has an 8-6 advantage in wins and losses, but Shawn holds the edge in points scored 1172-1141. Unless these teams play again in the playoffs, this is the only time we will see this match-up until next year.
‘Iced Kicks’ are those where a kicker actually kicks the ball, but has it waved off due to the opposing coach calling a timeout, and has to attempt the same kick a second time. These only happen when the coach really waits to call the timeout, and barely gets it in time. This is different from the times where the timeout is called earlier, and basically just lengthens the time before the ball is snapped. I’m interested to see what happens in the “Iced Kick” scenarios, because those are where head games can really start for kickers. Thus this season I’m tracking the outcomes of any Iced Kicks I observe to see what happens.
In Week 1, Graham Gano had an Iced Kick where he made the first one (which did not count), but then missed the second one (which did count). This week Caleb Sturgis had an Iced Kick where he missed the first and made the second. So right now the score stands at 1-1. Let me know if I miss any Iced Kicks this season, as they only show up as a timeout on the official scorecard.
BEST BENCH
Since 2013, American BadAss has had the Best Bench in Week 1 or Week 2 every year. The three year streak now extends to four, as Jason takes the Week 2 Best Bench with a very nice 52-point improvement possibility. Four roster moves were needed: S. Diggs for A. Cooper +20, T. Benjamin for E. Sanders +20, D. Carr for A. Rodgers +8 and M. Gordon for D. Johnson +4.
Week 3 is here! Only two more weeks until I make my playoff predictions!
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