Quite a bit of action this week in the standings! SOFA KING GOOD remained undefeated, the Coors Light Drunk Guys took over the lead in the South, American BadAss finally got their first win, and Tailgate Approved threw down the hammer and logged 121 points to take the High Score Prize for Week 5!!
Jensy overcame a goose egg performance by Anquan Boldin and only 2 points from his tight end to still score the second highest point total of the year! How’d he do it? Well, all 6 remaining players on his team scored double digits and three players on his team scored 25 points or more. Well done Jens!! What do YOU know?!?!
This week I remember some reasons why I love The Hangover, figure out what quantitative easing is all about, and finally put to rest the mystery of the Loch Ness Monster. But first, some observations…
HIGH SCORING HEROES
Matt Forte, RB – Scottish Rebels – 33 pts – Apparently Forte scores 33 points, then does nothing for three weeks, and then scores 33 points again. Lookout Minnesota…we’ve got a date in Week 10!
Malcolm Floyd, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 30 pts – This guy is benefiting big time from the absence of Vincent “Me First” Jackson. He had 213 yards and a touchdown.
Ray Rice, RB – Tailgate Approved – 27 pts – Rice doubled his point total for the season in one game (he had only scored 27 through the first four weeks) and finally looked like the player he was last year. He scorched the Broncos for 133 yards and 2 TD’s. Interesting note – Ray Rice has never run for back-to-back 100 yards games.
Chris Johnson, RB – sprouts – 25 pts – In three of the five games Johnson has played this year, he has scored a total of 75 points. In the other two, he has a total of six. Sounds like he has that Matt Forte disease.
Hakeem Nicks, WR – Tailgate Approved – 25 pts – Nicks leads the league for wide receiver touchdowns with 6. Yeah, I didn’t see that one coming either…
Tony Romo, QB – Tailgate Approved – 25 pts – In spite of 3 interceptions, Romo managed to throw for 406 yards and three touches. But in only four games, he has thrown five interceptions.
BOTTOM FEEDERS
Marion Barber, RB – Frito Pie – 1 pt – Barber really needs to find the endzone, as he has only broken through one time this year. Felix Jones could be replacing him full-time at any point.
Thomas Jones, RB – American BadAss – 1 pt – Days like this are going to become more common for TJ as the Jamaal Charles Era begins in Kansas City.
Dustin Keller, TE – Joe’s Pats – 1 pt – Well he did outscore Rob Gronkowski…but only by 1 point!
Anquan Boldin, WR – Tailgate Approved – 0 pts – Champ Bailey held Boldin to only one catch for 8 yards.
Tim Hightower, RB – Frito Pie – 0 pts – After a hot start scoring 28 points in the first two weeks, Hightower has only managed 6 in the last three games.
Jermichael Finley, TE – American BadAss – 0 pts – I normally don’t include players that were injured in this section… I only bring this one up, because I wanted to point out that Green Bay lost 2 tight ends in this game, and their starter is now Tom Crabtree. How about that for obscure?!
REASON TO LOVE “THE HANGOVER”
# 14 – The line “IN THA FACE!!” I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to use that for the rest of my life whenever someone gets hit in the face with anything.
NOW THEY JUST NEED TO TRADE FOR NDAMUKONG SUH
In addition to having a great defense, the Jets lead the league in nonsensical first names as they now have players named LaDainian and D’Brickashaw.
QUANTITATIVE HOCUS-POCUS
Right now, the Fed is planning another round of “Quantitative Easing”. This is Fed speak for “Printing Money Out of Thin Air”. Using big, fancy, nondescript terms is how the Fed maintains their death grip on our economy. People hear terms like “quantitative easing”, “bilateralism” or “credit default swaps” and are instantly transported back to their sophomore chemistry teacher’s ramblings, and their brains shut down. The Fed loves the fact that no one understands what they are doing, and they continually work to perpetuate the myth that they are smarter than everyone else. No organization in the United States raises its middle finger and laughs at the American people more than the Fed. No organization supports special interest groups more than the Fed. And no organization does more to destroy the United States than the Federal Reserve.
The goal of the Fed’s latest “Rape of the Economy” (that’s what I call quantitative easing) is to give banks more money so that they can start lending. The idea out there right now is that people and businesses aren’t spending money because banks aren’t lending, and banks aren’t lending because they don’t have any money. This is wrong on many levels, but we’ll start with the most obvious.
Do you know why people and businesses aren’t investing and spending money? It’s not because there isn’t enough money in the system (in fact, there is probably too much money in the system)…it’s because no one knows what the tax rates will be in two months!! We are 80 days away from 2011 and Congress still has not settled tax rates for next year. Businesses have to do something called “planning” before they make any large expenditure. It is impossible for businesses to plan and calculate the costs of any project without knowing what the tax implications will be!
The Fed could pump another $37 quadrillion into the economy and it wouldn’t make a lick of difference due to the uncertainty that has been created by the B.O. administration. It is not that the banks don’t have money to lend, it’s that no one wants to borrow in this environment! All that this latest move by the Fed will do is devalue the dollar even further, and make the hole that much harder to crawl out.
You really want to get the economy going and get people back to work?? Drop the corporate income tax rate to zero. Companies would be falling all over themselves from around the world to set up shop in the United States! There would be more jobs than people…
REASON TO LOVE “THE HANGOVER”
# 6 – The doctor in the emergency room when he tells them that the chapel they are looking for is at the corner of “Fuck off” and “Get a map”.
OH NESSIE, YOU’RE NOT A DINOSAUR AFTER ALL…
We’ve all seen the famous photo of the Loch Ness Monster where it looks like a Brontosaurus head of some kind is poking out of the water. Turns out, it was nothing more than an elephant going for a swim. Scientist Neil Clark has speculated that it was not the creature’s head poking out of the water; rather it is the elephant’s trunk. Below is his illustration. Now if we can just find Amelia Earhart, that should just about wrap up all of life's mysteries.
BEST BENCH
One other team gave it a good run, but no one really even came close this week to the impressive display by my Scottish Rebels in taking home the title for Best Bench of Week 5! My point total could have been increased by an amazing 55 points with 4 roster moves: M. Forte for A. Foster (31 points), Bears for Cowboys (20 points), P. Garcon for D. Jackson (3 points) and E. Royal for K. Walter (1 point).
Get your teams ready for Week 6!! Remember, the first round of payouts will be sent out next week!!!
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