Seven weeks of the season have already been completed… it’s hard to believe! At last, the mighty king has fallen as James was delivered his first lost this week at the hands of the Midnight Maulers. And did you see the score that the Lords of Lumberg posted this week? Timmy overcame a pathetic 3-point performance from Miles Austin and posted the highest tally this year with a whopping 133 points! He got a major boost by having the Matt Ryan/Roddy White connection that accounted for 58 points of his total. Mmmm….yeah. Last week, Week 6, saw two teams battle it out for the high score prize… and as luck would have it, those two teams were playing each other. The Midnight Maulers broke into triple digits and posted a 102 that would have beaten any other team that week, but sprouts had a huge game from Jeremy Maclin and Matt Schaub, and rang up a total of 118 points! Nice job Russ!!
So this week I propose my solution to excessive endzone celebrations, dole out two Best Bench awards, and explore the history of the negative political ad… (I don’t want to give too much away, but the phrase “half-breed Indian squaw” will be used!) But first, some observations:
BIG TIME FOOTBALL
Darren McFadden, RB – SOFA KING GOOD – 46 pts – Yeah, James’ team name pretty much sums up McFadden’s performance this week. He was so fahking good!! In all he had 165 yards rushing, 31 yards receiving and 4 touchdowns! James, you probably want to put him in now… lol
Kenny Britt, WR – Free Agent – 43 pts – Amazing but a free agent was the second highest scoring player this week, and is tied for third among wide receivers. I’ll give you one guess as to how long he stays a free agent.
Roddy White, WR – Lords of Lumberg – 35 pts – White leads all receivers with 105 points, which is a solid average of 15 points per game.
Carson Palmer, QB – Midnight Maulers – 31 pts – Palmer put up 412 yards passing and three TD’s, and the Bengals still lost to Atlanta by 7.
Ryan Fitzpatrick, QB – American BadAss – 31 pts – This guy has been on a tear, as he has gone for 20, 20, and now 31 points in his last three outings.
Lee Evans, WR – Free Agent – 28 pts – Well someone had to catch all the passes that Fitzpatrick was throwing.
Michael Turner, RB – Tailgate Approved – 26 pts – Turner broke through the 100-yard mark for the third time this year and added two touchdowns.
Dez Bryant, WR – American BadAss – 25 pts – The one true bright spot in what was otherwise a very, very dark Monday night game was Dez Bryant’s punt return touchdown. It was a thing of beauty! He might be the fastest human on the planet.
SUCKY
Matt Prater, K – sprouts – 2 pts – The Raiders absolutely thumped the Broncos, so it is no surprise Prater didn’t get many opportunities.
Robbie Gould, K – Midnight Maulers – 2 pts – In spite of Cutler’s best efforts to keep Chicago moving the opposite direction, Gould still managed two points.
Tony Gonzalez, TE – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 2 pts – Tony only managed 27 yards against Cincinnati. Good number, but bad yardage total.
Ryan Mathews, RB – SOFA KING GOOD – 1 pt – Here is a quote from Yahoo: “It's too early to declare Mathews an NFL bust, but it seems to have reached that point as it pertains to the 2010 fantasy season.” Yeah, that sums it up pretty well…
Roy Williams, WR – Tailgate Approved – 0 pts – I watched the whole game and I swear I did not see Roy Williams once. But apparently according to the official stat sheets he did play… go figure.
EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION RANT
If there was any doubt left, the NFL has officially established itself as the “No Fun League” with their continued crackdown on endzone celebrations. For the life of me, I cannot understand why the NFL has such a problem with players celebrating after scoring a touchdown. At the end of the day, sporting events are about entertainment. People will not watch sports if they are not entertaining…just look at the WNBA.
The NFL should adopt a rule that limits players to 15 seconds to do a celebration, provided that it is not obscene or is not directly taunting the opposing team. Within those 15 seconds, players would be free to do whatever they want. This would prevent celebrations from slowing down the flow of the game, and give fans extra entertainment. Do you remember several years ago, before this current prohibition on celebrations, when Steve Smith and the “Wide Receiver Formerly Known as Chad Johnson” would score touchdowns? Everyone was anxious to see what these guys would come up with next! I remember one time Steve Smith pretended the ball was a baby and proceeded to wipe its ass and put a diaper on it! That is freaking hilarious!!! And I mean seriously, would anyone even know the name Ickey Woods, if not for the “Ickey Shuffle”?
Endzone celebrations are as much a part of the NFL as instant replay and cheerleaders. It is high time for the NFL to smile a little bit and let the players (and the fans) have some fun…
NOW THAT’S A PERSONAL ATTACK!
Nowadays, merely calling a political opponent a liar is enough to get labeled as running a negative campaign. But negative ad campaigns have a history that goes back pretty much as far as the founding of this nation.
Check out the war of words that was waged between Thomas Jefferson and President Adams in 1800. Thomas Jefferson's camp accused President Adams of having a “hideous hermaphroditical character, which has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman.” In return, Adams’ men called Vice President Jefferson “a mean-spirited, low-lived fellow, the son of a half-breed Indian squaw, sired by a Virginia mulatto father.”
I don’t know which is better, “a hideous hermaphroditical character” or “the son of a half-breed Indian squaw”! Yeah, I think I’m going to have to go with the half-breed line… that is just funny stuff! And these guys were the President and Vice-President!
THIS MUST MEAN SOMETHING
San Diego is ranked No. 1 in offense and No. 1 in defense. On the NFL's team stats page four of the six league-leader symbols are for San Diego. Yet the Chargers' record is 2-5.
BEST BENCH
Week 6 saw an occurrence that has been very rarely observed in years past, but has already happened twice this year… the team that claimed the High Score prize also had the Best Bench for the week! Sprouts could have added to his total by 32 points with only two roster changes: D. Bowe for S. Smith (15 pts) and R. Torrain for M. Jones-Drew (17 pts).
For this week, it was not even close… when you have a player on your bench score 46 points, you are probably going to have the Best Bench of the week. So this week it goes to SOFA KING GOOD! James could have improved his point total by 54 points by merely swapping his runningbacks, D. McFadden for R. Mathews (45 pts) and M. Bush for R. Mendenhall (9 pts). While 54 points sounds like a lot, that is still 25 points behind the mark set by my Scottish Rebels in Week 1, were I posted an unprecedented 79 point improvement…
Get ready for Week 8! And don't look now, but we're gonna have to start talking about playoffs soon...
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