Rebels Reign Supreme!!

Wow! In 7 years of this league we have never had a Championship game end in a tie. In fact, we didn’t even have playoff tiebreakers in effect until 2007. If you remember, that was the year where in the semifinal round, Jens defeated his opponent but Joe and Jason tied in the other game. Ultimately, all three of those teams battled for the title with Jason coming out the victor. Tiebreaker rules for the playoffs have been in effect since then, but have never been used. Until now…

In a bizarre decision, Philadelphia decided to postpone their Sunday Night game until Tuesday due to a snowstorm. By random happenstance, four players in the Championship game were involved in this game: Michael Vick, DeSean Jackson and David Akers for the Scottish Rebels, and Jeremy Maclin for sprouts. Sprouts led by 18 points going into the Tuesday night game. Akers ended up posting a deuce by only kicking two extra points and coming up about 12 yards short on a 54-yard kick. DeSean Jackson posted a measly 3 points, while Maclin logged 7 by gaining 74 yards. So it all came down to Michael Vick. Coming in he was averaging 28 points per game, so it seemed likely he could put up a good total against a struggling Vikings team. The only thing that struggled though, was Vick. He lost two fumbles, threw one interception (and should have had at least two other passes picked) and just looked bad all night. Somehow he managed to throw and run for a touchdown, finishing with 20 points, his second lowest point total of the season. This left my Scottish Rebels and sprouts knotted at 87 points.

The first tiebreaker in the Championship Round is to the team with the highest scoring quarterback. In spite of his less than stellar performance, Vick outscored sprout’s QB Matt Schaub who had scored 14 points against the Denver Broncos. So the 2010 Sacred Sundays Champion is the Scottish Rebels!!! I must say, it feels good to take my spot at the top of the Fantasy Football Mountain. :-)

Congrats also need to go out to Joe’s Pats this week who was the only team to break into triple digits (and just barely!) with 100 points! Way to go, Joe!! With that, six different teams took home Weekly High Score Prizes this year. Here are the final standings:

1^st – Scottish Rebels – Jerry

2^nd – sprouts – Russ

3^rd – Joe’s Pats – Joe

4^th – SOFA KING GOOD – James

5^th – Lords of Lumberg – Timmy

6^th – Midnight Maulers – Jamie

7^th – Tailgate Approved – Jens

8^th – Coors Light Drunk Guys – Shawn Martin

9^th – American BadAss – Jason

10^th – Frito Pie – Rachel

(Next year’s draft will be the reverse order. More on the draft and keepers below.)

Here are the final money payouts:

Scottish Rebels - $220 (3 Weekly High Score Prizes plus Championship)

sprouts - $210 (4 Weekly High Score Prizes plus Runner-Up)

SOFA KING GOOD - $160 (4 Weekly High Score Prizes)

Lords of Lumberg - $120 (3 Weekly High Score Prizes)

Tailgate Approved - $40 (1 Weekly High Score Prize)

Joe’s Pats - $40 (1 Weekly High Score Prize)

Checks will be going out this week!

DRAFT AND KEEPERS

The same rules will apply for keepers this year as last year: You can keep up to two players from your team’s final roster for next year. For any player that you elect to keep, you will forfeit a draft pick equivalent to the round the player was drafted in the previous draft. Any keeper being kept again will count as a first round pick. Any player acquired through a waiver wire pick-up or as a free agent will count as a 15^th round pick. Keepers must be declared no later than one week after the 2011 NFL Draft. Also, as mentioned earlier, the draft order will be the reverse of the final standings.

HISTORY AND RECORDS

As I was researching the tiebreaker rules this week, I ended up spending some time looking back at past seasons for Sacred Sundays. It’s amazing that this league has been going now for 7 years! Here are the past champions:

2004 – Bad Ass – Jason (I believe he defeated Jamie in the finals, but I kept really crappy notes and records back then.)

2005 – Sofa King Cool – James (Defeated Bad Ass in finals)

2006 – Midnight Maulers – Jamie (Defeated Coors Light Drunk Guys in finals)

2007 – American BadAss – Jason (Defeated Jens & Joe in three-way battle)

2008 – American BadAss – Jason (Defeated Scottish Rebels in finals)

2009 – Lords of Lumberg – Timmy (Defeated Midnight Maulers in finals)

Also, here are some records that I have been keeping since the 2007 season:

Highest Weekly Point Total – Shawn – 145 pts, Week 16-2008

Lowest Weekly Point Total – Jason – 21 pts, Week 4-2008

Highest Weekly Total Score (all teams combined) – Week 2-2007 (993 total pts)

Lowest Weekly Total Score (all teams combined) – Week 16-2007 (644 total pts)

Best Bench Improvement – Russ – 89 pts, Week 2-2009

Highest Single Week Player Points – TIE – Adrian Peterson – 49 pts, Week 9-2007, and Michael Vick – 49 pts, Week 10-2010

BEST BENCH

There was a real battle to see who was going to grab the final Best Bench of the season… Joe’s Pats and Frito Pie put up good efforts, with 35-point and 36-point improvements, but the final crown for this year goes to last year’s champion…. the Lords of Lumberg!! Timmy could have improved his point total by a solid 42 points with three roster moves: J. Freeman for M. Ryan (+20 pts), M. Austin for W. Welker (+14 pts) and Kansas City for the New York Jets (+8 pts).

So another season has gone by in what seems like the blink of an eye. I have certainly had a blast this year, as I do every year with you crazy assholes! I’m already looking forward to next year!

Happy New Year!!!

It's Playoff Time!!

This marks the 3^rd time in the history of the Sacred Sundays Fantasy Football league that four of the six playoff teams will come from the same division. All of the scenarios and tie-breakers in the end did not matter, as Jamie’s Midnight Maulers pulled out a narrow victory over sprouts to snag the 2nd Wild Card spot and final spot in the playoffs.

The Maulers finished with a win-loss percentage of 0.500 courtesy of their tie with Frito Pie in Week 2. It’s funny how tie games always end up mattering in the end. Also, it was fitting that on the day Jamie made it in because of a tie, he once again tied with Frito Pie at 77 points. In an even closer game, Joe’s Pats took the South Division title over the Lords of Lumberg with a 1-point victory, 95-94. It ultimately came down to Monday Night’s game with the Jets playing the Patriots. Joe scored 31 points in that game (T. Brady-29 pts, D. Keller-2 pts) and Tim only scored 5 points (NYJ D-5 pts). The NY Jets, last year’s top-ranked defense, look average this year and currently sit ranked 15^th among defenses.

Remember that although the playoffs start this week, all teams are still eligible to win the Weekly High Score Prize. Speaking of that, big congratulations to the Cap’n who was SOFA KING GOOD this week! James held off a strong charge from the Coors Light Drunk Guys and took home his fourth Weekly High Score Prize of the year! Well done, sir!

So lets get ready for some playoffs!!! Oh yeah!!! First, some observations…

THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!!

Reggie Wayne, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 29 pts – Wayne was tied for tops in fantasy this week, as he notched his highest point total of the season.

Tom Brady, QB – Joe’s Pats – 29 pts – In spite of the cold, Tom Brady was hot and threw for 326 yards and four touchdowns! Bang.

Adrian Peterson, RB – Lords of Lumberg – 28 pts – I’m actually surprised that the Bills managed to hold AP to only 107 yards and 3 touchdowns. That should be considered a victory for them.

Michael Vick, QB – Scottish Rebels – 28 pts – What other wonderful things can I say about Vick that haven’t already been said? He is a class act all the way, and will hopefully retire from the game as a Scottish Rebel.

Marshawn Lynch, RB – Scottish Rebels – 27 pts – Before we give too much credit here, it must be noted that Lynch was playing against the Carolina Panthers…a team that should probably be competing in the NAIA, not the NFL.

Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 26 pts – Rodgers could be nicknamed “Captain Consistency” because this guy always puts up big points. Out of 12 games this year, Rodgers has scored over 15 points 10 times, five of those times going for 25 points or more! The only two times he failed to score more than 15 points were in Week 1 and 8, where he scored 11 points and 6 points respectively.

TRY AGAIN

Reggie Bush, RB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 2 pts – Bush’s average over the last two games is half a point per game.

Visanthe Shiancoe, TE – Tailgate Approved – 1 pt – My research was pretty brief, but I believe this guy may be the only person in the world named ‘Visanthe’. I did however find a pretty close match on Google with ‘Vasanti’ which is Sanskrit for “from springtime”.

Dwayne Bowe, WR – sprouts – 0 pts – Bowe was held without a catch for only the second time in his career. He was averaging 31 ppg over the last three weeks before laying this egg, so we can probably cut him a little slack.

Greg Olsen, TE – Midnight Maulers – 0 pts – Olsen has posted more than 10 points only once this year (Week 3), and has now been shut out three times. Not a good trend.

NORTH DIVISION DOMINANCE

The North Division was the powerhouse this year, sending four teams to the playoffs and leading in every meaningful category.

Categories won by the North Division:

Points scored: 5,542 to 5,304

Points against: 5,354 to 5,492

Wins: 33 to 31

Ties: 2 to 0

Good looks: 5 to 0

Categories won by the South Division:

Losses: 34 to 30

Waiver Moves: 75 to 61

PLAYOFFS? DON’T TALK ABOUT THE PLAYOFFS!!

Here are the final regular season standings and seeds for the playoffs:

North Division Champion – SOFA KING GOOD (first round bye)

South Division Champion – Joe’s Pats (first round bye)

North Division Runner-up – sprouts (will play 2nd wildcard team in first round)

South Division Runner-up – Lords of Lumberg (will play 1st wildcard team in first round)

Wildcard #1 – Scottish Rebels (by virtue of best overall record of remaining teams)

Wildcard #2 – Midnight Maulers (by virtue of 2nd best overall record of remaining teams)

Remember that there will be no tie games in the playoffs. Ties will be broken in the following manner:

• Ties in any playoff game prior to the Championship Game will automatically go to the higher seeded team.
• If there is a tie in the Championship Game, the following tiebreakers will be used:

1) Team with the highest scoring quarterback wins

2) Team with the highest scoring runningback wins

3) Team with the highest scoring wide receiver wins

4) If still tied, co-Champions will be declared

WHO NEEDS A DRAFT?

As of Week 13, there are only four players on my roster whom I actually drafted (Steven Jackson, Arian Foster, Chicago and Kyle Orton) and one of my keepers (DeSean Jackson).

BEST BENCH

No one really even came close to the winner of the award for Best Bench… sprouts!! Russ could have upped his point total by 36 points with three roster moves: V. Davis for J. Tamme (14 pts), B. Green-Ellis for C. Johnson (13 pts) and C. Ochocinco for D. Bowe (9 pts).

That’s all I’ve got… Let’s play some football!!!

One week to the dance!

After 12 weeks of games, we know five of the six playoff-qualifying teams, but only one of the playoff spots is settled. Last week, I prematurely labeled SOFA KING GOOD as the North Division Champ, but after the Week 12 results, that spot is still up for grabs. In the South Division the championship will be between the Lords of Lumberg and Joe’s Pats. As luck would have it, those two teams play each other this week! Could not be better!

As far as the wildcard slots go, one has already been wrapped up by my Scottish Rebels. It doesn’t matter if I win or lose this week, I’m in. Four teams remain in contention to nab the second wild card slot: Midnight Maulers, Coors Light Drunk Guys, American BadAss and Tailgate Approved. Read on for the full breakdown of the playoff scenarios.

But before we get to that, I must give big congratulations to Russ for taking his third Weekly High Score Prize, which was also his second one in a row! Well-done sir! To say that Russ has dominated these past two weeks would be quite the understatement… Over the past two weeks, sprouts has scored a total of 246 points, which is 60 points ahead of the next closest team. Also, sprouts has averaged 123 points during that time, which is 42 points higher than the average for the rest of the league. Russ – “sprouts” may need to be renamed to “Redwoods” if you keep playing this big!!

So let’s get into this!!

GOOD

Dwayne Bowe, WR – sprouts – 38 pts – The “D. Bowe Show” is in full effect! He notched 170 yards and three touchdowns against a non-existent Seattle defense.

Peyton Hillis, RB – sprouts – 37 pts – All I can say is that I would hate to be a defender who has to tackle this guy. He just looks like he hurts.

Tom Brady, QB – Joe’s Pats – 29 pts – The Patriots vs. the Lions? Does the NFL have a mercy rule?

Matt Cassel, QB – Tailgate Approved – 27 pts – Someone had to throw all those TD’s to Bowe…

Jacoby Ford, WR – Free Agent – 27 pts – Kudos to any fantasy owner who played Jacoby Ford this week… that’s gotta be a lonely group.

Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 26 pts – Just another day at the office for Rodgers… 344 yards passing, 51 yards rushing and 2 total TD’s.

BAD

Terrell Owens, WR – Joe’s Pats – 1 pt – Palmer was shut down and T.O. only managed 3 catches for 17 yards.

Nate Washington, WR – Joe’s Pats – 1 pt – Joe had both of his wide receivers score 1 point and he still won his game. Crazy.

Dez Bryant, WR – American BadAss – 1 pt – After a nice stretch, Dez has now gone 2 weeks without reaching the endzone.

Tim Hightower, RB – Frito Pie – 0 pts – Hightower finished with no yards on Monday night, but not for lack of trying. He actually had five carries for zero yards.

Chris Johnson, RB – sprouts – 0 pts – Johnson finished with five yards on seven attempts. How can the Tennessee Titans, playing against the Houston Texans, with a rookie quarterback under center, only give the ball to Chris Johnson SEVEN TIMES?!?!

Rob Bironas, K – Tailgate Approved – 0 pts – Bironas was a victim of Tennessee’s horrible play calling as well, notching his first shutout of the year.

UGLY

Reggie Bush, RB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – -1 pt – Bush had been hurt and out for eight weeks. In his first week back, he actually did worse than not playing by only gaining 17 yards and losing a fumble… finishing with minus one point.

Stay on the bench Reggie! You’ll do less damage there!!

PLAYOFFS!!!

A lot was settled this week as far as the teams that made it into the playoffs, but the final standings are far from set. Here is what we know:

- Teams that are in for sure: SOFA KING GOOD, sprouts, Lords of Lumberg, Joe’s Pats and Scottish Rebels.

- Both divisions are still up for grabs: In the North Division, if SOFA KING GOOD loses and sprouts wins, it will come down to total points scored to determine the champion. In the South Division, the winner between the Lords of Lumberg and Joe’s Pats will be the champion.

- Teams that are on the bubble: Midnight Maulers, Coors Light Drunk Guys, Tailgate Approved and American Bad Ass.

Here are the scenarios for the bubble teams:

Midnight Maulers – Jamie is in control of his own destiny. A win and he is in.

Coors Light Drunk Guys – Shawn needs to win PLUS have the Midnight Maulers lose AND outscore Tailgate Approved.

Tailgate Approved – Jens needs to win PLUS have the Midnight Maulers lose PLUS have the Coors Light Drunk Guys lose, OR win PLUS have the Midnight Maulers lose AND outscore the Coors Light Drunk Guys.

American BadAss – Jason needs to win PLUS have the Midnight Maulers lose PLUS have Tailgate Approved lose.

MINING FOR RUNNINGBACKS

Who would have ever guessed at this stage of the season that the top five runningbacks would be: Arian Foster (227 pts), Peyton Hillis (194 pts), Adrian Peterson (186 pts), Jamaal Charles (154 pts) and LeSean McCoy (153 pts). Only one of those players was a keeper (Peterson), two were second round picks (Charles and McCoy), one was a fifth round pick (Foster) and one was a Week 4 waiver-wire pickup (Hillis). Who needs a draft when you can get the second best runningback off the waiver wire?!

BEST BENCH

Frito Pie and Tailgate Approved posted solid bench numbers this week, but didn’t come close to this week’s Best Bench…. SOFA KING GOOD! James could have improved his point total by a solid 46 points(!) with four roster moves. J. Cutler for P. Rivers (19 pts), F. Jackson for D. McFadden (15 pts), A. Johnson for M. Wallace (8 pts) and Giants for Eagles (4 pts). Had James made all of those moves, he would have just edged sprouts for the high score this week with 126 points…

Okay, there’s a lot at stake this week with eight teams either playing for a spot in the playoffs or a first round bye! Get your team set…and don’t forget about the Thursday Night Game!!

sprouts hold strong!!

Congratulations sprouts!! One week after having the High Score prize stolen by Michael Vick, Russ shows that the sprouts are for real, and takes the High Score for Week 12 by posting 121 points! In the last two weeks, Russ has now scored 251 points! That, my friends, is how you play the game. Well done, Russ!

In other news, there are only two weeks left of the regular season until the playoffs begin! See below for the full playoff preview…who’s in, who’s out, who’s on the bubble, and who is going to win it all!!!

But before we get into it, a couple quick observations from Week 11…

IS GOOD, I LIKE!!

Greg Jennings, WR – Midnight Maulers – 36 pts – Jennings and Rodgers had an absolute love affair against the hapless Vikings. Jennings went off for 152 yards and 3 touchdowns.

Ben Roethlisberger, QB – Tailgate Approved – 34 pts – Oakland looked like Oakland again, and Big Ben shredded them. All told, Ben accounted for four touchdowns (3 passing, 1 rushing).

Steve Johnson, WR – Scottish Rebels – 31 pts – All week I was debating between Randy Moss and this guy… Uh, yeah, kinda made the wrong choice there.

Drew Brees, QB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 30 pts – Brees set a franchise record on Sunday for completions, breaking Archie Manning’s record of 1,849. More amazing is the fact that he did it in four seasons, while Manning did it in 11.

Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 30 pts – Rodgers was almost laughing at times because it was so easy.. He finished with 301 yards passing and 4 TD’s!

NOT SO MUCH

Randy Moss, WR – Scottish Rebels – 0 pts – The Patriots rarely make a personnel mistake, so when they let Moss go, that should’ve been a hint to everyone.

Randy McMichael, TE – SOFA KING GOOD – 0 pts – I think we can safely say that Randy McMichael is no Antonio Gates.

Zach Miller, TE – American BadAss – 0 pts – Here is something as a fantasy owner you hate to see: 2 receptions, 9 yards. Come on man, can’t you get one more yard?

Dustin Keller, TE – Joe’s Pats – 0 pts – Here’s another one: 2 receptions, 7 yards. Yuck.

Visanthe Shiancoe, TE – Tailgate Approved – 0 pts – What is the deal with tight ends scoring zero points this week? This is getting ri-goddamn-diculous…

Dan Carpenter, K – Frito Pie – 0 pts – For an NFL team to post zero points is weak. Real weak.

Anquan Boldin, WR – Tailgate Approved – 0 pts – You think Boldin got shut out right? Nope, he actually did have 29 yards, but he lost a fumble.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!?!? BOWL

We had the second “What Do You Know?!?!? Bowl” this weekend, and it did not disappoint! Somehow Tailgate Approved overcame zero points from two players (Boldin & Shiancoe) to pull out a two-point victory, 93-91. So Jens takes round two to even the score this year to 1 – 1. Will we see a tiebreaker in the playoffs? Stop laughing, it could happen…

PLAYOFFS??! DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!

Two weeks to go in the season and the playoffs are far from settled… first here is a quick refresh on the playoff rules:

The top two teams in each division receive automatic bids. The next top two teams receive wild card bids. The top seed in each division receives a first round bye.

Divisional Rankings will be determined and ties will be broken in this manner:

1. Overall record

2. Division record

3. Head-to-Head record

4. Total points scored

5. Coin flip

Wild Card Rankings will be determined and ties will be broken in this manner:

1. Overall record

2. Head-to-Head record

3. Total points scored

4. Coin flip

Also remember that throughout the playoffs the Weekly High Score Prize will still be awarded, and all teams are eligible to win.

Now to the scenarios… bear in mind that the South Division is closer than it has ever been at this stage of the season, so there are still lots of possible scenarios for the playoff spots. In fact, only one team is in for sure, and only two have been mathematically eliminated.

Teams that are in:

SOFA KING GOOD - North Division Champ

Teams that are out:

Frito Pie and American BadAss

Teams in control of own destiny:

Lords of Lumberg – Two wins assure a playoff berth, one win probably does.

Joe’s Pats – Two wins assure a playoff berth, one win probably does.

sprouts – One win assures a playoff berth.

Scottish Rebels – Two wins assure a playoff berth, one win might.

Teams needing some help:

Midnight Maulers – Two wins PLUS losses by Scottish Rebels or Coors Light Drunk Guys or Tailgate Approved OR one win PLUS a whole lotta other stuff.

Coors Light Drunk Guys – Two wins PLUS losses by Lords of Lumberg and Joe’s Pats OR one win PLUS two Hail Mary’s and one Our Father.

Tailgate Approved – Two wins PLUS losses by Lords of Lumberg, Joe’s Pats, Coors Light Drunk Guys OR one win PLUS an act of God.

The South Division is still pretty much wide open. Two important games to watch, Tailgate Approved vs. Lords of Lumberg and Coors Light Drunk Guys vs. Joe’s Pats. If Jens and Shawn win those games, there will be four teams tied at 6 – 6 in the South Division. Amazing!!

BEST BENCH OF THE WEEK!

Joe’s Pats put on a pretty good showing this week leaving some points on the bench, but in the end, no one really came close to Yours Truly. With only one roster move, my Scottish Rebels could have improved their point total by 31 points! Steve Johnson for Randy Moss. 31 points.

Okay, only two more weeks until the playoffs!! We’re gonna know a lot more next week (hopefully)…

With a Rebel Yell!!!

It only took nine weeks for my Scottish Rebels to finally kick into gear, but boy did they ever, becoming the only team to break into triple digits this week with 108 points! Michael Vick is back and is as good as ever, and Arian Foster looks like LaDainian Tomlinson of 4 years ago! I don’t want to dash anyone’s hopes, but it looks like my team is going to be pretty much unstoppable from here on out, so you guys are really just playing for second place. Oh yeah!!

Last week (Week 8) belonged to SOFA KING GOOD… James had a great performance from Calvin Johnson (28 points) and all of his players except his kicker and defense scored in the double digits! Nice job Cap’n!! Week 8 also saw Frito Pie register their first victory of the season, mainly thanks to some great waiver wire pick-ups, and Tailgate Approved had a roster with scoring like I’ve never seen before… all of Jens’ players scored no less than 3 points and no more than 7 points. Truly unprecedented.

This week we’ll take a look at the money count so far, give out two (!) Best Bench awards, and marvel at the fact that it’s already time to start thinking about the playoffs. But first, some observations…

THAT’S SOME BIG TIME FOOTBALL

• Peyton Hillis, RB – sprouts – 34 pts – Hillis is 12^th in the NFL in rushing yards, and 3^rd in touchdowns scored with 7! Not bad for a second-string Denver reject…
• Arian Foster, RB – Scottish Rebels – 31 pts – Rookie of the year? Is there even competition?
• Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 27 pts – This is what you call a perfect day for a quarterback: 27 for 34, 289 yards, 3 TD’s, 0 int’s, 131.5 Passer Rating. Mmm..yeah.
• Adrian Peterson, RB – Lords of Lumberg – 26 pts – Peterson has scored over 20 points in each of his last three games, and 5 times overall for the season.
• Terrell Owens, WR – Joe’s Pats – 26 pts – T.O. had 141 yards and 2 touches against the Steelers. Chad Ochocinco, meanwhile, only has two touchdowns for the whole year. Gotta figure he’s not real happy about that…

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS

Here is the money count thus far in the season:

• SOFA KING GOOD – James - $120 (Weeks 3, 4, 8)
• Lords of Lumberg – Timmy - $120 (Weeks 1, 2, 7)
• Tailgate Approved – Jens - $40 (Week 5)
• sprouts – Russ - $40 (Week 6)
• Scottish Rebels – Jerry - $40 (Week 9)

If any winners want a payout, email me and let me know and I will get a check sent.

YUCK

• Miles Austin, WR – Lords of Lumberg – 1 pt – Kitna’s vision extends about 2 yards down the field, so it is no surprise that Austin only had 2 catches for 16 yards.
• Felix Jones, RB – American BadAss – 1 pt – He has the same problem as Miles Austin…he’s a member of the Dallas Cowboys.
• Calvin Johnson, WR – SOFA KING GOOD – 1 pt – Over the last four weeks, Calvin Johnson was averaging 19.75 ppg, but Darrelle Revis and the Jets’ defense held him to only one catch for 13 yards.
• Benjarvus Green-Ellis, RB – sprouts – 1 pt – BGE was only able to gain 14 yards on 9 carries…an average of only 1.55 yards per carry. Against the Cleveland Browns.
• Steve Smith, WR – Midnight Maulers – 0 pts – I seriously thought that Steve Smith had been injured, but he actually played the whole game.
• Justin Forsett, RB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 0 pts – Forsett finished with only 4 total yards, -1 rushing and 5 receiving. That’s not just bad, that’s real bad.
• Seattle, D – Tailgate Approved – 0 pts – Remarkably, even after posting zero points this week, Seattle is still the 9^th rank defense in fantasy.

POLITICAL RANT

For this week’s political rant, I am going step aside and let Ronald Reagan take the lead. This is a link to a recording he made in 1961 railing against Socialism in general, but particularly socialized medicine. The most amazing thing about this clip is that you could change a couple of the names of legislators that he mentions and it would be perfectly relevant today. Take a listen…it’s only about 11 minutes long and is absolutely brilliant.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYrlDlrLDSQ&feature=related

PLAYOFFS?! DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!

Only four weeks left until it is playoff time!! Playoffs begin in Week 14, as usual, with the top 6 teams qualifying… the top two in each division get automatic bids and the next two highest ranked teams receive wildcards. Stay tuned for next week when I’ll run through playoff scenarios for each team.

BEST BENCH(ES)

Week 8 was interesting because of there being 6 NFL teams on byes, there were not a lot of points left on the bench. Well that is except for American Bad Ass… Jason blew away the competition for Best Bench where he could have improved his point total by 29 points with only two roster moves… D. Garrard for A. Rodgers (+24 pts) and M. Colston for D. Bryant (+5 pts). Don’t feel too bad though bro, you still would’ve lost by 21 points to the Lords of Lumberg.

Week 9 saw significantly more points on the bench, SOFA KING GOOD and the Lords of Lumberg both could’ve improved by 24 points, but none were better than Joe’s Pats. Joe could have improved his point total by a solid 32 points with two roster changes… T. Owens for P. Garcon (+25 pts) and E. Manning for T. Brady (+7 pts). But if we ever see Joe bench Tom Brady in favor of Eli Manning, I believe we can reasonably assume that terrorists have taken control of his team. Wait, that’s happening in Week 10?!? Someone call the authorities!!!

Get ready for Week 10 and the push to the playoffs!!!

Lords of Lumberg Lay the Lumber!

Seven weeks of the season have already been completed… it’s hard to believe! At last, the mighty king has fallen as James was delivered his first lost this week at the hands of the Midnight Maulers. And did you see the score that the Lords of Lumberg posted this week? Timmy overcame a pathetic 3-point performance from Miles Austin and posted the highest tally this year with a whopping 133 points! He got a major boost by having the Matt Ryan/Roddy White connection that accounted for 58 points of his total. Mmmm….yeah.

Last week, Week 6, saw two teams battle it out for the high score prize… and as luck would have it, those two teams were playing each other. The Midnight Maulers broke into triple digits and posted a 102 that would have beaten any other team that week, but sprouts had a huge game from Jeremy Maclin and Matt Schaub, and rang up a total of 118 points! Nice job Russ!!

So this week I propose my solution to excessive endzone celebrations, dole out two Best Bench awards, and explore the history of the negative political ad… (I don’t want to give too much away, but the phrase “half-breed Indian squaw” will be used!) But first, some observations:

BIG TIME FOOTBALL

Darren McFadden, RB – SOFA KING GOOD – 46 pts – Yeah, James’ team name pretty much sums up McFadden’s performance this week. He was so fahking good!! In all he had 165 yards rushing, 31 yards receiving and 4 touchdowns! James, you probably want to put him in now… lol

Kenny Britt, WR – Free Agent – 43 pts – Amazing but a free agent was the second highest scoring player this week, and is tied for third among wide receivers. I’ll give you one guess as to how long he stays a free agent.

Roddy White, WR – Lords of Lumberg – 35 pts – White leads all receivers with 105 points, which is a solid average of 15 points per game.

Carson Palmer, QB – Midnight Maulers – 31 pts – Palmer put up 412 yards passing and three TD’s, and the Bengals still lost to Atlanta by 7.

Ryan Fitzpatrick, QB – American BadAss – 31 pts – This guy has been on a tear, as he has gone for 20, 20, and now 31 points in his last three outings.

Lee Evans, WR – Free Agent – 28 pts – Well someone had to catch all the passes that Fitzpatrick was throwing.

Michael Turner, RB – Tailgate Approved – 26 pts – Turner broke through the 100-yard mark for the third time this year and added two touchdowns.

Dez Bryant, WR – American BadAss – 25 pts – The one true bright spot in what was otherwise a very, very dark Monday night game was Dez Bryant’s punt return touchdown. It was a thing of beauty! He might be the fastest human on the planet.

SUCKY

Matt Prater, K – sprouts – 2 pts – The Raiders absolutely thumped the Broncos, so it is no surprise Prater didn’t get many opportunities.

Robbie Gould, K – Midnight Maulers – 2 pts – In spite of Cutler’s best efforts to keep Chicago moving the opposite direction, Gould still managed two points.

Tony Gonzalez, TE – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 2 pts – Tony only managed 27 yards against Cincinnati. Good number, but bad yardage total.

Ryan Mathews, RB – SOFA KING GOOD – 1 pt – Here is a quote from Yahoo: “It's too early to declare Mathews an NFL bust, but it seems to have reached that point as it pertains to the 2010 fantasy season.” Yeah, that sums it up pretty well…

Roy Williams, WR – Tailgate Approved – 0 pts – I watched the whole game and I swear I did not see Roy Williams once. But apparently according to the official stat sheets he did play… go figure.

EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION RANT

If there was any doubt left, the NFL has officially established itself as the “No Fun League” with their continued crackdown on endzone celebrations. For the life of me, I cannot understand why the NFL has such a problem with players celebrating after scoring a touchdown. At the end of the day, sporting events are about entertainment. People will not watch sports if they are not entertaining…just look at the WNBA.

The NFL should adopt a rule that limits players to 15 seconds to do a celebration, provided that it is not obscene or is not directly taunting the opposing team. Within those 15 seconds, players would be free to do whatever they want. This would prevent celebrations from slowing down the flow of the game, and give fans extra entertainment. Do you remember several years ago, before this current prohibition on celebrations, when Steve Smith and the “Wide Receiver Formerly Known as Chad Johnson” would score touchdowns? Everyone was anxious to see what these guys would come up with next! I remember one time Steve Smith pretended the ball was a baby and proceeded to wipe its ass and put a diaper on it! That is freaking hilarious!!! And I mean seriously, would anyone even know the name Ickey Woods, if not for the “Ickey Shuffle”?

Endzone celebrations are as much a part of the NFL as instant replay and cheerleaders. It is high time for the NFL to smile a little bit and let the players (and the fans) have some fun…

NOW THAT’S A PERSONAL ATTACK!

Nowadays, merely calling a political opponent a liar is enough to get labeled as running a negative campaign. But negative ad campaigns have a history that goes back pretty much as far as the founding of this nation.

Check out the war of words that was waged between Thomas Jefferson and President Adams in 1800. Thomas Jefferson's camp accused President Adams of having a “hideous hermaphroditical character, which has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman.” In return, Adams’ men called Vice President Jefferson “a mean-spirited, low-lived fellow, the son of a half-breed Indian squaw, sired by a Virginia mulatto father.”

I don’t know which is better, “a hideous hermaphroditical character” or “the son of a half-breed Indian squaw”! Yeah, I think I’m going to have to go with the half-breed line… that is just funny stuff! And these guys were the President and Vice-President!

THIS MUST MEAN SOMETHING

San Diego is ranked No. 1 in offense and No. 1 in defense. On the NFL's team stats page four of the six league-leader symbols are for San Diego. Yet the Chargers' record is 2-5.

BEST BENCH

Week 6 saw an occurrence that has been very rarely observed in years past, but has already happened twice this year… the team that claimed the High Score prize also had the Best Bench for the week! Sprouts could have added to his total by 32 points with only two roster changes: D. Bowe for S. Smith (15 pts) and R. Torrain for M. Jones-Drew (17 pts).

For this week, it was not even close… when you have a player on your bench score 46 points, you are probably going to have the Best Bench of the week. So this week it goes to SOFA KING GOOD! James could have improved his point total by 54 points by merely swapping his runningbacks, D. McFadden for R. Mathews (45 pts) and M. Bush for R. Mendenhall (9 pts). While 54 points sounds like a lot, that is still 25 points behind the mark set by my Scottish Rebels in Week 1, were I posted an unprecedented 79 point improvement…

Get ready for Week 8! And don't look now, but we're gonna have to start talking about playoffs soon...

Now that's Tailgate Approved!!

Quite a bit of action this week in the standings! SOFA KING GOOD remained undefeated, the Coors Light Drunk Guys took over the lead in the South, American BadAss finally got their first win, and Tailgate Approved threw down the hammer and logged 121 points to take the High Score Prize for Week 5!!

Jensy overcame a goose egg performance by Anquan Boldin and only 2 points from his tight end to still score the second highest point total of the year! How’d he do it? Well, all 6 remaining players on his team scored double digits and three players on his team scored 25 points or more. Well done Jens!! What do YOU know?!?!

This week I remember some reasons why I love The Hangover, figure out what quantitative easing is all about, and finally put to rest the mystery of the Loch Ness Monster. But first, some observations…

HIGH SCORING HEROES

Matt Forte, RB – Scottish Rebels – 33 pts – Apparently Forte scores 33 points, then does nothing for three weeks, and then scores 33 points again. Lookout Minnesota…we’ve got a date in Week 10!

Malcolm Floyd, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 30 pts – This guy is benefiting big time from the absence of Vincent “Me First” Jackson. He had 213 yards and a touchdown.

Ray Rice, RB – Tailgate Approved – 27 pts – Rice doubled his point total for the season in one game (he had only scored 27 through the first four weeks) and finally looked like the player he was last year. He scorched the Broncos for 133 yards and 2 TD’s. Interesting note – Ray Rice has never run for back-to-back 100 yards games.

Chris Johnson, RB – sprouts – 25 pts – In three of the five games Johnson has played this year, he has scored a total of 75 points. In the other two, he has a total of six. Sounds like he has that Matt Forte disease.

Hakeem Nicks, WR – Tailgate Approved – 25 pts – Nicks leads the league for wide receiver touchdowns with 6. Yeah, I didn’t see that one coming either…

Tony Romo, QB – Tailgate Approved – 25 pts – In spite of 3 interceptions, Romo managed to throw for 406 yards and three touches. But in only four games, he has thrown five interceptions.

BOTTOM FEEDERS

Marion Barber, RB – Frito Pie – 1 pt – Barber really needs to find the endzone, as he has only broken through one time this year. Felix Jones could be replacing him full-time at any point.

Thomas Jones, RB – American BadAss – 1 pt – Days like this are going to become more common for TJ as the Jamaal Charles Era begins in Kansas City.

Dustin Keller, TE – Joe’s Pats – 1 pt – Well he did outscore Rob Gronkowski…but only by 1 point!

Anquan Boldin, WR – Tailgate Approved – 0 pts – Champ Bailey held Boldin to only one catch for 8 yards.

Tim Hightower, RB – Frito Pie – 0 pts – After a hot start scoring 28 points in the first two weeks, Hightower has only managed 6 in the last three games.

Jermichael Finley, TE – American BadAss – 0 pts – I normally don’t include players that were injured in this section… I only bring this one up, because I wanted to point out that Green Bay lost 2 tight ends in this game, and their starter is now Tom Crabtree. How about that for obscure?!

REASON TO LOVE “THE HANGOVER”

# 14 – The line “IN THA FACE!!” I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to use that for the rest of my life whenever someone gets hit in the face with anything.

NOW THEY JUST NEED TO TRADE FOR NDAMUKONG SUH

In addition to having a great defense, the Jets lead the league in nonsensical first names as they now have players named LaDainian and D’Brickashaw.

QUANTITATIVE HOCUS-POCUS

Right now, the Fed is planning another round of “Quantitative Easing”. This is Fed speak for “Printing Money Out of Thin Air”. Using big, fancy, nondescript terms is how the Fed maintains their death grip on our economy. People hear terms like “quantitative easing”, “bilateralism” or “credit default swaps” and are instantly transported back to their sophomore chemistry teacher’s ramblings, and their brains shut down. The Fed loves the fact that no one understands what they are doing, and they continually work to perpetuate the myth that they are smarter than everyone else. No organization in the United States raises its middle finger and laughs at the American people more than the Fed. No organization supports special interest groups more than the Fed. And no organization does more to destroy the United States than the Federal Reserve.

The goal of the Fed’s latest “Rape of the Economy” (that’s what I call quantitative easing) is to give banks more money so that they can start lending. The idea out there right now is that people and businesses aren’t spending money because banks aren’t lending, and banks aren’t lending because they don’t have any money. This is wrong on many levels, but we’ll start with the most obvious.

Do you know why people and businesses aren’t investing and spending money? It’s not because there isn’t enough money in the system (in fact, there is probably too much money in the system)…it’s because no one knows what the tax rates will be in two months!! We are 80 days away from 2011 and Congress still has not settled tax rates for next year. Businesses have to do something called “planning” before they make any large expenditure. It is impossible for businesses to plan and calculate the costs of any project without knowing what the tax implications will be!

The Fed could pump another $37 quadrillion into the economy and it wouldn’t make a lick of difference due to the uncertainty that has been created by the B.O. administration. It is not that the banks don’t have money to lend, it’s that no one wants to borrow in this environment! All that this latest move by the Fed will do is devalue the dollar even further, and make the hole that much harder to crawl out.

You really want to get the economy going and get people back to work?? Drop the corporate income tax rate to zero. Companies would be falling all over themselves from around the world to set up shop in the United States! There would be more jobs than people…

REASON TO LOVE “THE HANGOVER”

# 6 – The doctor in the emergency room when he tells them that the chapel they are looking for is at the corner of “Fuck off” and “Get a map”.

OH NESSIE, YOU’RE NOT A DINOSAUR AFTER ALL…

We’ve all seen the famous photo of the Loch Ness Monster where it looks like a Brontosaurus head of some kind is poking out of the water. Turns out, it was nothing more than an elephant going for a swim. Scientist Neil Clark has speculated that it was not the creature’s head poking out of the water; rather it is the elephant’s trunk. Below is his illustration. Now if we can just find Amelia Earhart, that should just about wrap up all of life's mysteries.

BEST BENCH

One other team gave it a good run, but no one really even came close this week to the impressive display by my Scottish Rebels in taking home the title for Best Bench of Week 5! My point total could have been increased by an amazing 55 points with 4 roster moves: M. Forte for A. Foster (31 points), Bears for Cowboys (20 points), P. Garcon for D. Jackson (3 points) and E. Royal for K. Walter (1 point).

Get your teams ready for Week 6!! Remember, the first round of payouts will be sent out next week!!!

It's Good To Be The King!!

In a relatively low scoring week, James decided that he only wanted to use seven active players and left the injured Andre Johnson in, yet still became the only team to break into triple digits this week! In doing so SOFA KING GOOD claimed a second Weekly High Score Prize in a row!! The King had a giant game from Antonio Gates, who registered 144 yards and two touches, and from Calvin Johnson who added two TD’s himself. With the victory, SOFA KING GOOD claimed the #1 spot in the league as the lone undefeated team. Way to go Cap’n!!!

Hard to believe, but one quarter of the fantasy season has been completed. Here are some things that I have learned so far: Auto-drafting your team is not the best path to success (just ask Jason, lol!), Lions players can actually help your fantasy team this year (weird), and I can’t believe I drafted Shonne Greene with a third round pick (I mean, is that guy still even in the league?). Also, just to add an element of weirdness to the season, the Kansas City Chiefs are the only undefeated team left in the NFL. No offense to the Chiefs, but…huh?? This must finally be the year that Timmy’s been talking about since 1994!

So without further delay, some quick observations from the week:

That’s What I’m Talking About!!!

New England, D/ST – Joe’s Pats – 38 pts – Pretty much 36 of these points came in the second half against Miami. Check out this stat line: 2 sacks, 4 interceptions, 2 blocked kicks, 3 touchdowns and 14 points allowed.

T.O., WR – Joe’s Pats – 31 pts – T.O. snagged 10 catches for 222 yards and a touchdown against the Browns. That yardage total put him in second place on the league’s career yardage list. But given he was only averaging 4.67 ppg coming in; I would not expect to see many more days like this.

Arian Foster, RB – Scottish Rebels – 30 pts – Foster leads the NFL in rushing by 126 yards over the next closest player, Rashard Mendenhall. He also leads the next closest fantasy RB (Adrian Peterson) by 29 points. To say that any playoff hopes for the Scottish Rebels depend on this guy, would be, well, pretty freaking accurate.

LaDainian Tomlinson, RB – Midnight Maulers – 27 pts – What the 2005?! LT looked like the LT of old and shredded the Bills for 122 yards and two TD’s.

Antonio Gates, TE – SOFA KING GOOD – 26 pts – Seriously, LT scores 27 and Gates scores 26? This really is 2005…

David Garrard, QB – American BadAss – 24 pts – Garrard was the top scoring QB for the week. I promise you that I have never uttered that phrase in my life.

U-G-L-Y! You ain’t got no alibi!!

DeSean Jackson, WR – Scottish Rebels – 1 pt – Jackson with Vick = 46 points. Jackson with Kolb = 1 point. Explain to me again what Philly sees in Kolb?

Hines Ward, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 1 pt – I guess you can’t blame the guy when he has balls coming to him from Dennis Dixon and Charlie Batch. Yuck.

Indianapolis, D/ST – Lords of Lumberg – 1 pt – It’s hard for a defense to score this low, especially when you are playing against Jacksonville. The Colts registered no sacks, no interceptions, no fumble recoveries, no blocked kicks, no safeties and gave up 31 points.

Beanie Wells, RB – Joe’s Pats – 1 pt – In case you were wondering, his nickname comes from his childhood when his brother said he was “skinny like a bean pole”. Okay, maybe only I was wondering...

Randy Moss, WR – Joe’s Pats – 0 pts – Moss was held without a catch for the first time since 2006. And now he’s a member of the Vikings…again.

Santana Moss, WR – American BadAss – 0 pts – Bad week to be named Moss. No catches for Santana either.

Inflation…Deflation… Who gives a $#!t!!

Inflation is an entirely man-made phenomenon in which prices of goods steadily increase over a given time period. Inflation has become ubiquitous to the point where we as a society don’t even question how or why it occurs, and just accept it as a fact of life.

But what is the root cause of inflation? Inflation happens because of two factors: either the goods being purchased are costing more to produce, or the money being used to purchase the goods is worth less. Take a gallon of milk for example. Fifty years ago (1960), the average price in the United States for a gallon of milk was $0.49. In 2010, the average price is $3.50, a seven-fold increase. So that begs the question, has milk gotten more costly to produce today than it was 50 years ago? Most likely it has probably gotten a lot cheaper, due to technological advances and improved delivery methods. So why are we paying 614% more today for a gallon of milk? Because the money we are using today is worth a fraction of what it was worth 50 years ago.

In 1965, the United States removed all silver from the coins in circulation. Prior to that, dimes, quarters, half dollars and dollar coins all were comprised of 90% silver and 10% copper. Those same coins today have a composition of 91.67% copper and 8.33% nickel. A quarter minted in 1964 (the last year using silver) is worth $3.98 today based on its metal content. Quarters minted since are worth just $0.053 based on their metal content. This is a loss of value of over 98%!! In 1964 if you went to the grocery store with four quarters, you could buy a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, and a dozen eggs and still get change back. Nowadays with four quarters, you might be able to buy a candy bar, as long as it’s not king-sized. That is inflation. And it sucks...

Payouts

Rather than pay out all of the money at the end of the year, and because I have free Bill-Pay through Wells Fargo, I think it will be cool this year to pay out three times… after Week 6, Week 12 and the end of the season. That should make Weekly Prizes seem a bit more weekly. So everyone send me your current address when you get a chance.

Best Bench

All the teams did a pretty good job this week of having in their best line-ups, with the exception of one team… One team’s bench more than doubled the next closest team’s bench. The winner of the Best Bench for Week 4 is---- Joe’s Pats!! Joe could have improved his point total by 46 points with only two roster changes!! T. Owens for R. Moss (31 pts) and M. Tolbert for B. Wells (15 pts). Now, Joe, the question becomes – How will Randy Moss do now with Grandpa throwing to him instead of Stetson cologne? Should be interesting…

Let’s do this!! Week 5!! And God Bless the U.S.A.!!!