Congratulations sprouts! Russ held off a late charge by Frito Pie to take the Weekly High Score prize by three points for Week 3. Russ got big games from MJD and Matt Schaub to make up for T.O.’s shut-out and logged 109 points! Nicely done!! It was the lowest week so far this year in terms of total points with only 773 points scored, but is still way ahead of the lowest week ever (Week 16 of 2007) when only 644 total points were scored.
The games this week were a classic example of how much luck plays a factor in determining final standings. Tailgate Approved outscored 7 teams on Sunday yet lost. The Midnight Maulers outscored 1 team and won. Not only that, my Scottish Rebels are now 2-1, even though I have been outscored by 29 points (219 pts for vs. 248 pts against). And both Joe’s Pats and the Coors Light Drunk Guys have outscored their opponents (by 12 pts and 11 pts, respectively), yet they are both 1-2. It’s like they say: “That’s why you play the games.”
So this week, I give my belated “What Do You Know?! Bowl” update, check in on defenses, and get back into some good ol’ political ranting! Also, now that we are three weeks into the season, it is time to dole out early-season keeper grades. More on that below. But first, some observations…
That’s How You Play Football!!
Peyton Manning, QB – Frito Pie – 32 pts – Peyton made the Cardinals look like they were the Cardinals.
Maurice Jones-Drew, RB – sprouts – 31 pts – Jones-Drew finally showed why he was such a hot commodity this offseason and netted 3 touchdowns to go along with 147 total yards.
Aaron Rodgers, QB – American BadAss – 27 pts – He scored all those points on only 13 completions!
Santana Moss, WR – sprouts – 26 pts – Quite a big improvement from the 0.5 points per game he was averaging coming in to this game.
Pierre Thomas, RB – SOFA KING GOOD – 24 pts – Do it for 60 minutes next time!! Thomas rattled off 126 yards and 2 touchdowns this week, all in the second half!
Dallas, D – SOFA KING GOOD – 23 pts – From the lowest scoring defense to the highest scoring in the span of a week. Its amazing what an inferior opponent will do for you.
And not really…
Darren McFadden, RB – Midnight Maulers – 2 pts – When teams don’t respect the quarterback’s ability to throw the ball, it makes it easier to stop the run. And stop it they did.
Roddy White, WR – SOFA KING GOOD – 2 pts – Through three weeks, White only has 1 touchdown.
Kellen Winslow, TE – SOFA KING GOOD – 1 pt – Tampa had no offense against the Giants. Literally. Like 86 yards for the whole offense. For the whole game. All four quarters. 86 yards.
Tony Gonzales, TE – Lords of Lumberg – 1 pt – After two weeks of stellar performances, we were bound to see a dip in Tony’s production. Although, I didn’t think we’d see it dip this far.
Terrell Owens, WR – sprouts – 0 pts – In case you didn’t see the press conference that NBC showed 4 times and ESPN showed 13 times, T.O. went without a catch for the first time since 1996.
What the Hell is Going on With GEICO?
I just don’t get those GEICO commercials with the stack of money and the plastic eye balls. Okay, let me rephrase—I’m not an idiot…I understand the point that they are trying to get across. I think.
But why does the stack of money have eyes on it? And why does the dude in the diner cover it with a cake dome? And how does it send a text message? Or throw a basketball? And why the creepy music? I don’t get it…
Defense Update
Philadelphia had an unprecedented week in Week 1 where their defense scored an unheard-of-for-a-fantasy-defense 42 points. My prediction has been that it will take the lowest scoring defense until at least Week 5 to score that many total points. So far only seven teams have scored 42 points or more.
Last week, Dallas was the cellar dweller having only scored 6 points. But they had a huge game against Carolina, and now rank 21st with a total of 29 points scored. The new bottom feeder team is the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who after three weeks have only posted 15 points. As a team, the Bucs have all of 3 sacks, 1 interception, 1 fumble recovery and have given up a whopping 85 points! At this rate, it will be a while before Tampa breaks the 42-point barrier…if at all.
Keeper Grades
Every team in the NFL has played three games, so with bye weeks starting next week, I thought it would be a good time to hand out early season keeper grades. Looking at the overall list of the 20 keepers, here are a couple surprising items:
>Three of the top 5 keepers are quarterbacks (P. Manning, D. Brees and A. Rodgers)
>Matt Forte is not the bottom ranked keeper.
>LaDainian Tomlinson is the bottom ranked keeper. (But to be fair, he has been injured).
On to the team grades (listed alphabetically):
American BadAss – Aaron Rodgers (QB, 58 pts) and DeAngelo Williams (RB, 34 pts).
Grade: A-
Note: Impressive feat from Williams to score 34 points in spite of being on the Panthers.
Coors Light Drunk Guys – Drew Brees (QB, 65 pts) and Reggie Wayne (WR, 46 pts).
Grade: A
Note: Kudos for keeping R. Wayne, as he is the 2nd ranked wide receiver.
Frito Pie – Peyton Manning (QB, 66 pts) and Brian Westbrook (RB, 18 pts).
Grade: B
Note: Wise choice to draft LeSean McCoy as Westbrook’s injury-proneness appears to be back.
Joe’s Pats – Tom Brady (QB, 45 pts) and Randy Moss (WR, 27 pts).
Grade: C
Note: Pretty disappointing start for Moss, as he has yet to score a touchdown.
Lords of Lumberg – Adrian Peterson (RB, 64pts) and Steve Slaton (RB, 17 pts).
Grade: B
Note: AP is LT of three years ago, while Slaton is another one of the non-TD scoring keepers.
Midnight Maulers – Frank Gore (RB, 54 pts) and LaDainian Tomlinson (RB, 9 pts).
Grade: D
Note: That is just really bad luck to have both keepers suffer injuries. Ouch.
Scottish Rebels – Michael Turner (RB, 29 pts) and Matt Forte (RB, 20 pts).
Grade: F
Note: Nothing but utter disappointment from these two gentlemen.
SOFA KING GOOD – Anquan Boldin (WR, 21 pts) and Roddy White (WR, 17 pts).
Grade: F
Note: It was a risky choice to keep two wide receivers, and so far it has been exactly what you would expect with two wide receivers as your keepers.
Sprouts – Chris Johnson (RB, 63 pts) and Maurice Jones-Drew (RB, 55pts)
Grade: C
Note: This would have been an A+ grade, but 48 of Chris Johnson’s points came with him sitting on the bench.
Tailgate Approved – Steven Jackson (RB, 30 pts) and Larry Fitzgerald (WR, 29 pts)
Grade: D
Note: Jackson has nearly 350 total yards but no touchdowns, and Fitzgerald has 2 touchdowns but only 181 yards.
“Accidentally on Purpose”
That is the name of an actual CBS television show. I only wish I was kidding.
Is it 1969 or 2009?
Here is a recipe to create an uncomfortable television moment: Take a Sunday Night Football halftime show, add one part Bob Costas, one part Jim Schwartz (the Lions’ Head Coach) live via satellite, put a 3-second delay between them, then try to fill a 3 minute interview. Anyone who saw this debacle will know exactly what I’m talking about. For those who missed it, just imagine an interview with an awkward pause every 10 seconds, followed by two guys talking over each other, followed by another awkward pause, followed by nervous laughter. It really was painful to watch.
But this raises a bigger question – Do we not possess the technology in this day and age to be able to have one dude interview another dude in a different location and have the two dudes hear each other in real time? I mean Neil Armstrong’s connection to Mission Control was better than what these guys had going!
What Do You Know?! Bowl Update
Part 1 of the most bitter Sacred Sundays rivalry went down last week as Shawn’s Coors Light Drunk Guys took on Jens’ Tailgate Approved. Jens took the victory this time by a commanding 20 points (98-78), and thus holds the bragging rights until their second meeting which will occur in Week 13. A triumphant Bolleyer remarked, “Seriously, I hope to outscore Shawn every week, even when we’re not playing. As long as I do that, I consider it a victory.”
For those who are unfamiliar with the origins of the “What Do You Know?! Bowl” here is a brief history... I’m not exactly sure when it started, but for reasons unbeknownst to anyone, Jens would yell “What do you know?” at Shawn for no reason. Then, for reasons unbeknownst to anyone, Shawn would get really pissed off. That made it go from kind of annoying to really hilarious. So from that point forward, all you had to do to piss Shawn off would be to yell “WHAT DO YOU KNOW?” in a loud and slightly German accent. Creating the “What Do You Know?! Bowl” just seemed like the next logical step.
Note: The second meeting between these two occurs in Week 13 which just happens to be the last week of the regular season for Fantasy. I can only hope that there are playoff implications in that one…
Political Rant
The Baucus Bill
It’s back to healthcare this week…The Baucus bill is the Healthcare Reform proposal that has been put forward by Senator Max Baucus (D-MT). This bill is so incredibly flawed that it is laughable. Oh, where to begin?
First off, this bill is projected to cost $856 billion dollars over the next 10 years. Eight hundred and fifty-six BILLION DOLLARS! As I’ve mentioned before, the government is always wrong when it comes to budgeting, so expect this bill to cost many, many trillions of dollars when all is said and done.
Passage of this bill would REQUIRE everyone in the country to purchase health insurance. Those that don’t purchase insurance would be subject to a fine of up to $3,800 (paid at tax time). Do they really think that this will cause everyone to purchase insurance? Auto insurance is already mandated yet it is estimated approximately 15% of drivers are uninsured. (Although, I would up that number to about 34% in New Mexico.)
Another provision in the plan would add an extra tax on high-value insurance plans (so-called “Cadillac” insurance plans). So on one hand, they are penalizing people for not buying insurance, and on the other hand they are penalizing people for buying too much insurance. Seriously, only the government can come up with these things.
But this part of the plan is only a gimmick to make it look like it will cost less than it truly will. Baucus himself admits that only a small minority of workers in the country actually have these types of plans. How many of this “small minority” do you think will keep their Cadillac plans and pay all of the extra associated taxes? My prediction: not many. That will virtually eliminate any additional revenue they hoped to gain.
My last problem with the Baucus bill is that it would institute insurance market reforms, such as prohibiting higher premiums for women and denying coverage to sick people. So basically they want to create insurance plans that don’t exist in the real world. It’s as if these politicians do not even have the most rudimentary understanding of how the insurance industry works. When an individual seeks to buy insurance, the insurance company performs a risk assessment to gauge how likely it is that the person will get sick and file a claim. Those individuals that are deemed more risky have to pay higher premiums than those deemed less risky. That’s just the way that insurance works. (In the case of women, they can be considered more risky than men because of this little thing known as pregnancy.) If the government is able to say who can get coverage and is able to dictate what price those people will pay, then that is the end of the health insurance industry. That is not health insurance. That is socialism.
Best Bench
It was a two-man race for the Best Bench this week between the Hand boys. James came SOFA KING CLOSE to taking it with a 37-point improvement from his bench, but the victory this week goes to the older brother, Timmy’s Lords of Lumberg! He could have improved his point total by 39 points with four roster moves: Titans D for –bench—(11 pts), K. Walter for D. Bowe (16 pts), P. Harvin for C. Ochocinco (9 pts) and R. Rice for A. Peterson (3 pts).
Week 4 – Bye weeks begin! Make sure you have your rosters set!!
