Shezow! Pappow!!
Congratulations Jens! Tailgate Approved is the Weekly High Score Champion for Week 9 with 121 points! Everything finally came together this week for Jens, as he outscored even the next closest team (Joe’s Pats) by 22 points to become the 8th different team this year to claim a high score prize. Couple interesting notes about Jens’ victory: 1) Out of three quarterbacks, he started his lowest scoring one (C. Palmer – 13 pts), leaving K. Warner (30 pts) and J. Cutler (28 pts) on the bench, and 2) This is the first Weekly High Score for Jens since Week 15 2007 (12/17/07) when he got the high score with only 91 pts! What do you know?!?!
There are only four weeks of the regular season left for fantasy, but the playoff picture is still as unclear as it was in Week 3. Six teams have four wins, two teams have five wins, and the top team has six wins. The top team is Rachel’s Frito Pie, who is currently on a 3-game winning streak, and with a record of 6-3 has a higher winning percentage than any male-managed team. That’s the polite way of saying that Frito Pie has completely emasculated the entire league…
So this week I show some respect to Chad Ochocinco, make my (hopefully) final check on defenses, and could I actually have some words of praise for the federal government? More below. But as always, some quick player observations:
AIN’T NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!
- Michael Turner, RB – Scottish Rebels – 32 pts – Turner completely dominated the Redskins porous defense, and scorched them for 166 yards and 2 touchdowns! Oh yeah!
- Kurt Warner, QB – Tailgate Approved – 30 pts – Warner somehow managed to throw 5 TD passes against the Bears at Soldier Field. That’s an impressive feat for anyone, let alone Father Time.
- Jay Cutler, QB – Tailgate Approved – 28 pts – If it’s any consolation, Jens, I would’ve picked Palmer over Warner and Cutler as well. Seriously, I would never have predicted this one…
- Chris Johnson, RB – sprouts – 27 pts – Chris Johnson is averaging 6.7 yards per carry, which is the highest ever in league history through nine weeks.
- DeAngelo Williams, RB – American BadAss – 25 pts – Williams is hitting his stride lately, as over the past four games he has scored at least 18 points per week, and is averaging 23.5 ppg over that same period.
WORTHLESS STEAMING PILE OF COW DUNG…FIGURITIVELY SPEAKING
- LaDainian Tomlinson, RB – Midnight Maulers – 2 pts – LT is averaging barely over 7 points per game, and has only broken into double digits twice this year.
- Roddy White, WR – SOFA KING GOOD – 2 pts – This was Roddy’s first week without a touchdown since Week 3.
- Heath Miller, TE – Midnight Maulers – 1 pt – Roethlisberger found everyone but Miller on Monday night. Over the past two weeks, Miller has only scored 4 points. Yuck.
- Torry Holt, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 1 pt – Holt has yet to score a touchdown this year.
- Ryan Longwell, K – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 0 pts – Okay, I’m not going to mock Shawn for leaving a kicker in his line-up who was on a bye. Nope, I am going to mock Shawn for having a kicker on his bench score 14 points while his active kicker was on a bye!!! Oh!! Burn!!
OCHOCINCO ES MI HEROE
Anyone who can get a respected sportscaster like Al Michaels or Jim Nantz to say a ridiculous word like “ochocinco" will forever have my comedic respect. So for that reason, Chad Ochocinco, you are my hero.
THE MOST ANTICIPATED MOVIE OF THE YEAR ISN’T DUE OUT UNTIL NEXT YEAR
Hopefully some of you caught the preview for next summer’s best movie – Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. It begins with the tagline “The most anticipated movie of the year…”, but only it is not due to come out until May 28, 2010! That is over six months away (198 days to be exact), and more importantly not until the next calendar year! So are they saying that it is this year’s most anticipated movie, or are they predicting that it will be the most anticipated movie next year? Do they somehow already know every movie that is going to be released next year? Also, who out there has been anticipating a Prince of Persia movie? Have gamers really become that powerful of a marketing group?
As for the movie itself, I believe that it will fall somewhere between Transformers and The Fast & The Furious in terms of horribleness. There is simply no amount of special effects or hot female co-stars that can save this movie. For those of you who think that this might be a good movie, do not forget – It is based on a video game! Here is a link to a list of all the movies ever made that are based on video games (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_based_on_video_games). That list is a veritable “What’s What” of crappy movies.
HOW TO NOT PICK NFL GAMES
I am in an NFL pool at my office where all you have to do is pick the winning teams from each game each week. Not picking against the spread, just simply picking the winners. Sounds easy right?
I’ve been doing horrible (my record is 75-41 and I’m tied for 25th place), so I have been trying to come up with any sort of method to predict the winners. This week I picked my winners based on which team’s defense has scored the most points in Fantasy. My thought was that if a team’s defense is scoring a lot of fantasy points, then they must have also been beating up on their opponents pretty good.
Did my theory hold up? Yeah, not so much. My record for the week was 6-7. Had I simply picked the home team in every game, I would have been 9-4.
Lesson learned – How a team’s defense is doing in Fantasy has little to no impact in the outcome of their games.
New theory for this week– The team with the better fantasy QB wins the game. I will report back on the results next week.
POLITICAL RANT
A Kindler, Gentler D.C.?
Recently, an announcement came from Washington D.C. that Attorney General Eric Holder had directed federal prosecutors to back away from pursuing cases against medical marijuana patients who are in compliance with state marijuana laws. Put aside for a minute the fact that this announcement deals with the legalization of marijuana, which is an entirely different debate. The important thing that I wanted to point out with this announcement is what a huge victory it is for state’s rights! The federal government is willingly backing off of an issue and letting the states decide how they want to deal with it.
That is how the founders of our country wanted it to work. They envisioned a small federal government that would only get involved to settle disputes between states. The states themselves would handle the governing of the people. That way, if you didn’t like the way things were going in your state, you could move to a different state that governed in the way that you preferred. All too often now it seems that Washington is dictating the direct governance of the people. It was refreshing to see one finally go to the states.
DEFENSIVE UPDATE
In Week 1, the Philadelphia Eagles scored an amazing 43 points. At that time, I predicted that it would take the worst defense at least five weeks to score that many total points. Now after nine weeks, the bottom defense has finally broken the 43-point barrier! The Jacksonville Jaguars came into their Week 9 match-up with only 40 total points (a dismal 5.7 ppg), but somehow managed to hang 7 points on the Chiefs this week! Go Jags!!
ENJOY THE MUSICAL GENIUS OF YOKO ONO
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR6P3mBlkHY
She makes Alvaro Dominguez sound like Luchiano Pavarati.
BEST BENCH
It was a total runaway this week! With an incredible 62-point improvement, the winner of the Best Bench is – the Midnight Maulers! Jamie needed almost a complete roster overhaul to get to that total – 5 roster moves in all: G. Olsen for H Miller (24 pts), Tampa Bay for Philadelphia (22 pts), B. Roethlisberger for D. McNabb (8 pts), R. Williams for L. Tomlinson (7 pts) and E. Royal for S. Smith (1 pt).
So Week 10 is upon us, and this is the last week with any teams on byes. Only the Giants and Texans are off. Only four weeks left until the playoffs!!!
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