Midterms!!

We are a full eight weeks into the season, which means we have crossed the halfway point!  The Rams and the Chiefs look like the top teams in the league, which is fitting because they also lead the way in fantasy scoring.  The Chiefs are the top fantasy scoring team this season, with a weekly average of 101 points.  The Rams are a close second, averaging 99.1 points per week.  (Only the top scoring team in our league, Joe’s Pats, has a higher weekly average at 103.8 points per week.)  On the other end of the spectrum, the lowest scoring team is no longer the Arizona Cardinals… they have climbed out of the cellar and moved up one spot, knocking the Buffalo Bills down to the lowest scoring team in all of fantasy.  A team consisting of all Bills is averaging only 42.9 points per week, with a low of only 21 in Week 4.

The big double-congratulations this week go to the aforementioned Joe’s Pats who claimed their second Weekly High Score prize in a row, and third prize overall!  Joe has won the prize the last two weeks in emphatic fashion, notching the league's largest margin of victory in both weeks.  Last week, American BadAss was the victim, falling by 62 (127-65) and this week it was the Coors Light Drunk Guys who felt the hammer losing by 49 (114-65).  Well done Joe!!  It’s all gravy from here!

As I've been teasing for the last three weeks, it is finally time to dole out midterm grades!  How important are these grades you ask?  Well, the top two highest midterm grade recipients last year (Joe’s Pats and Bubble Craps Bandits) ended up finishing the season as champion and runner-up.  So there's that.  But also last year’s lowest midterm grade recipient (American BadAss) still ended up making the playoffs and finished in 6^th.

Teams were graded on seven categories, and ranked within each category.  Points were awarded in the reverse of the ranking (i.e. #1 ranked team in a category receives 10 pts, #2 team receives 9 pts and so on down to the last team receiving only 1 point.)  If teams are tied for the same ranking, the points for those positions are split equally (i.e. Two teams tied for 2^nd would receive 8.5 points each).  The categories are:

• Overall Record – The better the overall record, the more points awarded.  (Joe’s Pats and Attack of Mahomes are tied for the top spot here.)
• Points For – The more points scored, the more points awarded.  (Joe’s Pats and Attack of Mahomes take the top two spots here as well.)
• Points Against – The more points scored against, the more points awarded.  (Team IR & Holdout has had 811 points scored against them, and Young Guns is second with 776.)
• Weekly High Score Prizes – The more Weekly High Score Prizes, the more points awarded.  (Joe’s Pats leads the way with 3, while American BadAss has 2.)
• Best Bench – The fewer Best Benches awarded, the more points awarded.  (Four teams have yet to claim a Best Bench this season: sprouts, Young Guns, Team IR & Holdout and Joe’s Pats.  Two teams are tied for the most Best Benches with 2: American BadAss and Coors Light Drunk Guys.)
• Waiver Moves – The more waiver moves, the more points awarded.  (Young Guns leads in this category with 21 waiver claims this season, followed by Joe’s Pats (16) and Attack of Mahomes (15).)
• Keeper Production – The more points from keepers, the more points awarded.  (With Todd Gurley and DeAndre Hopkins as keepers, Joe’s Pats easily leads the way in this category with 321 points from keepers.  Next closest is Vandelay Industries, who have 233 points from Antonio Brown and Alvin Kamara.  Team IR & Holdout have gotten zero points from their keepers, Le’Veon Bell and Jerick McKinnon.  The name says it all.)

Now here are the team-by-team report cards and grades:

Joe’s Pats
Record:	6-2	9.5
Points For:	830	10
Pts Against:	664	2
High Scores:	3	10
Best Bench:	0	8.5
Waivers:	16	9
Keepers:	321	10
Total Points:		59
Grade		A+

Joe is literally first or tied for first in 5 of the 7 grading categories.  Joe’s Pats is Crème de la crème.

Young Guns
Record:	4-4	6
Points For:	738	6
Pts Against:	776	9
High Scores:	1	7
Best Bench:	0	8.5
Waivers:	21	10
Keepers:	231	8
Total Points:		54.5
Grade		A

John has been super active on the waiver wire, has one Weekly High Score Prize, has the third best keeper production, and has had the misfortune of the 2^nd most points scored against.

Team IR & Holdout
Record:	3-5	3
Points For:	757	8
Pts Against:	811	10
High Scores:	1	7
Best Bench:	0	8.5
Waivers:	11	7
Keepers:	0	1
Total Points:		44.5
Grade		B+

James has dealt with a double-whammy this year of a) getting zero production from his keepers, and b) having the most points scored against him.  In spite of that, he’s won a Weekly High Score Prize, has not had a Best Bench and is 3^rd in total points scored.

Attack of Mahomes
Record:	6-2	9.5
Points For:	785	9
Pts Against:	631	1
High Scores:	0	3
Best Bench:	1	4.5
Waivers:	15	8
Keepers:	223	7
Total Points:		42
Grade		B

Timmy having a strong season thus far… tied for best overall record, 2^nd in points scored, and 4^th in keeper production.

American BadAss
Record:	4-4	6
Points For:	746	7
Pts Against:	763	8
High Scores:	2	9
Best Bench:	2	1.5
Waivers:	6	2
Keepers:	183	6
Total Points:		39.5
Grade		C+

Jason gets a nice bump for claiming two Weekly High Score Prizes this season, plus has had the third most points scored against him. 

Vandelay Industries
Record:	5-3	8
Points For:	679	3
Pts Against:	712	5
High Scores:	0	3
Best Bench:	1	4.5
Waivers:	9	5
Keepers:	233	9
Total Points:		37.5
Grade		C

As the old saying goes, “C’s get degrees”.  Rob is doing well with the 3^rd best overall record, and has the second best keeper production.

sprouts
Record:	4-4	6
Points For:	714	4
Pts Against:	711	4
High Scores:	0	3
Best Bench:	0	8.5
Waivers:	9	5
Keepers:	101	2
Total Points:		32.5
Grade		D+

Russ ranks 7^th in both points scored and points against.  His keeper production was hurt badly by Leonard Fournette’s injury.

Longshanks
Record:	3-5	3
Points For:	718	5
Pts Against:	725	6
High Scores:	0	3
Best Bench:	1	4.5
Waivers:	8	3
Keepers:	179	5
Total Points:		29.5
Grade		D

Currently rank 6^th in total scoring, 6^th in keeper production, and 7^th in overall record.  All we need is a miracle.

Bye Week
Record:	2-6	1
Points For:	622	2
Pts Against:	680	3
High Scores:	1	7
Best Bench:	1	4.5
Waivers:	9	5
Keepers:	114	3
Total Points:		25.5
Grade		F+

Jens ranks 10^th in overall record, 9^th in points scored and 8^th in keeper production.  But, he does have a Weekly High Score to his credit.  How in the h did you pull that off Jensy?!

Coors Light Drunk Guys
Record:	3-5	3
Points For:	618	1
Pts Against:	733	7
High Scores:	0	3
Best Bench:	2	1.5
Waivers:	4	1
Keepers:	159	4
Total Points:		20.5
Grade		F

Shawn ranks 10^th in points scored, 10^th in waiver moves and 7^th in keeper production. Drunk Guys need a swift kick in the ass!

BEST BENCH(ES)

Two Best Benches to give out this week…  

Last week saw pretty decent all-around team management, with the exception of one team.  With the second highest improvement possibility this season, the Week 7 Best Bench goes to… Longshanks!  With four roster moves, I could have improved my point total by an impressive 47 points… P. Lindsay for M. Gordon +16, J. Landry for T. Boyd +13, G. Kittle for J. Reed +11, T. Coleman for C. McCaffrey +7.

Anyone keeping score in the midterm grades may have already figured out who got the Best Bench this week.  With just a 36-point improvement possibility, and needing only 3 roster moves, the Week 8 Best Bench goes to… Attack of Mahomes!  M. Jones Jr. for A. Jeffrey +20, S. Watkins for D. Jackson +10 and K. Drake for K. Hunt +6.  This is Timmy's first Best Bench this season.

Alrighty, well get those waivers in, and get ready for next week when we have our first “What Do You Know?!? Bowl” of the season! 

It's official! Week 6 breaks a 7-year-old record!

Now that’s the way to do fantasy!  In an impressive display of scoring, we tied the record for most teams scoring greater than 100 points in a single week (6), and set the record for most combined points scored in a single week with 1,006!  Booyah!  The previous record was 1,000, set back in Week 4 – 2011.  A seven year old record goes down, and one which hasn't really been threatened in a long time.  (There was a week in 2016 with 977 total points scored, but nothing even that close since.) Four of the teams scoring over 100 won their games, but unfortunately for Young Guns and Team IR and Holdout! their triple digit scores were in a losing effort.  Those two losses mark the 5th time out of 20 this season where scoring over 100 did not result in victory.  2018 is not being nearly as kind to 100 point scorers as previous years have been .

The big congratulations this week go to Mr. Jens Bolleyer's Bye Week, who had a stellar Monday night and finished at the top of the record-setting mountain with 127 points!  Jens got 56 combined points from his MNF Packers' connection (Aaron Rodgers (31) and Davante Adams (25)), plus added 22 from Sony Michel.  This marks the first Weekly High Score Prize for Jens, and is the 5th different team to claim the prize this season.  Nice work Jens!  Also, the “J” streak continues… we have yet to see a non-J owner claim a Weekly High Score Prize this season.

In league standings, I’m not sure how it could be much closer… we basically have a nice bell curve -- two teams at 4-2, six at 3-3 and two at 2-4.  Six weeks in and the last place team is only 2 games out of first place… that is absolutely crazy!  How about that for parity?!  Make sure you have your best roster set every week (*I’m looking at you Shawn*), because I have a feeling the final standings are going to be just as close.

This week we’ll get an update on fantasy points scored by NFL team, reveal what is probably the best insult, and give out the lowest Best Bench score of the season.  Onward!

BIG TIME

• Todd Gurley, RB – Joe’s Pats – 36 pts – Gurley was a yardage monster against the Broncos, gaining an average of 7.42 yards per carry, to finish with 208 yards and 2 TD’s!
• Jameis Winston, QB – Team IR and Holdout! – 33 pts – Something about this Bucs team just lends itself to big QB performances… Winston racked up 395 yards and 4 TD’s, but did also have two picks.
• Tyreek Hill, WR – American BadAss – 32 pts – This was Hill’s best performance since Week 1 when he had 38 points.  In fact, his total this week was just one point less than the points he scored in Weeks 2-5 combined (15, 5, 5, 8).  Expect another big game come Week 11.
• Melvin Gordon, RB – Longshanks – 32 pts – Gordon ran all over the Browns for a total of 150 yards and 3 TD’s!  This performance moves him to the 2nd ranked spot for fantasy runningbacks.
• Aaron Rodgers, QB – Bye Week – 31 pts – Just another run-of-the-mill game for Rodgers with a come from behind victory including a final game winning 75 yard drive with only 1:07 left.  Seriously, this guy really might be able to pull a rabbit out of his head.
• Albert Wilson, WR – Free Agent – 30 pts – If you’ve never heard of this guy, you are not alone…he was only owned in 10% of leagues.  Apparently he is a 2nd half guy too, as his first half total on Sunday was 5 yards and 0 TD’s, while his second half total was 150 yards and 2 TD’s.  How about that for a 2nd half adjustment?

COME ON MAN

• Graham Gano, K – Vandelay Industries – 2 pts – A week after nailing a 63-yard game winning kick, Gano didn’t get many opportunities (1 30-yd FG), plus he screwed things up by missing a PAT.
• Corey Davis, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 2 pts – The good news= Davis averaged 24 yards per catch.  The bad news = he only had one catch.
• Tennessee, DEF – American BadAss – 2 pts – Just not much going on for the Titans… their lone positive stat for the day was a single interception.
• Jarvis Landry, WR – Longshanks – 1 pt – Landry finished with only 2 catches, which was his lowest total since 2015.
• Jay Ajayi, RB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 0 pts – Generally players not on IR tend to score more than players who are on IR.  Just sayin’.  (Update your roster Shawn!)
• Caleb Sturgis, K – Joe’s Pats – 0 pts – Similarly, players who are active generally tend to score more than players who are inactive.  Again, just sayin’.  (Update your roster Joe!)

THE BEST INSULT
The best insult ever is “who is this clown?” because:
a) You’re calling them a clown
b) You’re saying they are not even a well-known clown


FANTASY POINTS BY NFL TEAM
The Los Angeles Rams and Kansas City Chiefs continue to lead the way in fantasy points scored, averaging 99.3 and 97.0 points per week.  In third place is the Saints, averaging 94.2 points per week, followed by Pittsburgh (89.0) and the Chargers (88.2).  Other notables are New England who rank 10th with 81 points per week, and the defending champ Eagles currently rank 18th with only 72.8 points scored per week.

At the bottom of the list are: Dallas (65.8), Jacksonville (65.0), Tennessee (50.0), Buffalo (46.7) and Arizona (41.2).  Look at that… if you played an all Cardinal roster, you would be averaging only 41.2 points per week. Jeez... that’s nearly as bad as the Goldschlager Chupacabras!


BEST BENCH
In a week where the record for most combined points was set, it’s only fitting the Best Bench would be the lowest point improvement possibility of the season.  The lowest Best Bench improvement of all time was a mere 16-point improvement for the Midnight Maulers back in Week 7, 2011.  This week’s winner didn’t go quite that low, but still low with just a 25-point improvement possibility, the Week 6 Best Bench goes to… the Coors Light Drunk Guys!  Shawn needed only two roster changes to get there: L. Murray for J. Ajayi +24 and L. Fitzgerald for C. Davis +1.

Week 7 is coming up which means we are only 2 weeks away from mid-term grades!  Hope you have been taking good notes!

Shootin' to the Top!

My apologies to Shawn, Timmy, Russ and Rob because you guys do not fit the mold of the top teams this season, as this is the year of the “J’s”!  Week 1, James.  Week 2, Joe.  Week 3, Jason.  Week 4, Jason again.  And now week 5, John!  Young Guns blasted to the top spot this week courtesy of terrific performances from Deshaun Watson and Saquon Barkley (24 points each), plus 17 each from Adam Thielen and T.J. Yeldon.  Since scoring only 69 points in Week 1, John has improved his point total each week (96, 100, 106) and now this week a league best 109 points.  Nice work sir!

In the process of winning this week, Young Guns defeated the only other team able to crack 100, Bye Week, who finished with 102.  That game marks the third time this season where the losing team scored over 100 points.  So far there have been 14 scores in excess of 100 this season, which means scoring >100 has won 78.5% of the time, well below the historical average of 88.3%. 

In player activity, Drew Brees set the NFL record for most passing yards in a career plus moved into the top fantasy scoring spot with 130 total points.  That is just 3 points ahead of boy wonder, Patrick Mahomes.  And here’s a crazy one…the top scoring wide receiver is Cooper Kupp having scored 31 points last week, and 15 points this week, giving him 77 total points.  And just two points behind him is Adam Thielen who has scored 75 points.  If you would have told me in the preseason that after Week 5 the top two receivers would be Cooper Kupp and Adam Thielen, I would have laughed in your face and asked you to leave my house.  I mean what kind of weird season is this?!

This week, we’re gonna jump right in with my annual Week 5 Playoff Predictions, check in with the All Unwanteds and see who snagged a 2nd Best Bench!  Here we go!

PLAYOFFS?!  DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!
Two seasons ago, my playoff prediction picks went a perfect 6 for 6, but last year I only was right on 4 of 6.  I’m trying to see if I can recreate the magic of those 2016 predictions and get it right this time.  Here is a rundown of the factors used in consideration of playoff qualifiers.

First is overall record.  This season’s standings are very close with eight teams having either 3 or 2 wins.  Teams with a record of 3-2 have qualified for the playoffs 72% of the time, and those with a 2-3 record have qualified 56% of the time.  The 3-2 qualification rate is even better than 4-1, which has qualified 70% of the time.  The only other record in our league currently is 1-4 which has a 44% qualification rate.  So there are no real locks based on overall record at this point.  (Historically, the best starting record to have after 5 weeks is 3-1-1 which has a 100% qualification rate.  And it's not like we've only seen that record once or twice...it has happened 4 times with all 4 teams qualifying.)

The second factor is total points scored.  Across 11 seasons worth of data, the top two highest scoring teams as of Week 5 have qualified for the playoffs every, single, season.  So that is as close to a lock as you are going to find.  The next best playoff qualification rate comes, oddly, from the 5th ranked team which has qualified 75% of the time.    (In looking at determining the eventual champion, the Week 5 top scoring team has never won it all, but the 2nd, 5th and 9th ranked teams have won it twice and the 7th ranked team after Week 5 has won the title three times!) 

The final factor is schedule difficulty.  To determine schedule difficulty, I used the current points scored rankings of each team and added up the ranking of each opponent remaining on the schedule for every team.  This is only the second year of calculating schedule difficulty, but last year the top two teams with the easiest remaining schedule qualified for the playoffs.

Thus, taking all of this into consideration, here are my 2018 Playoff Predictions:

1. Joe’s Pats – Joe has the best overall record and leads the league in scoring.  Two very positive indicators for qualifying for the playoffs.
2. American BadAss – BadAss ranks second in overall scoring, which has never missed the playoffs.
3. Team IR & Holdout – TIR&HO is the 5th ranked team in scoring, which as mentioned before has qualified 75% of the time, plus they have the 4th easiest schedule remaining.
4. sprouts – Currently sporting a winning record and has the easiest schedule remaining.
5. Attack of Mahomes – Picked this one here as Timmy currently ranks 7th in overall scoring, so he has the highest likelihood of winning it all.
6. Young Guns – The Guns currently rank 3rd in scoring (only 1 point behind 2nd place), but may have a tough road as they have the 2nd hardest remaining schedule.

This means the teams left out this season will be:  Longshanks, Vandelay Industries, Coors Light Drunk Guys and Bye Week. 


ALL UNWANTEDS
The All Unwanteds is constructed using players who went undrafted (or were unkept), and are from the teams with the fewest players selected.  (This season the Cardinals, Dolphins and Jets each only had two players picked.)  Each week, I compare the All Unwanteds’ score to each team’s score and keep track of the overall win/loss record.  Last week was rough for the All Unwanteds as they went 1-9 after only scoring 61 points, so they enter this week with an overall record of 17-23. 
Here is this week’s lineup:
Pos Name                 Pts
QB Sam Darnold NYJ 17
RB Bilal Powell NYJ    7
RB Frank Gore Mia    6
WR Christian Kirk Ari 14
WR Jakeem Grant Mia 9
TE Mike Gesicki Mia  2
 K Jason Myers NYJ 11
DEF Arizona Ari 21
Total                                87
The total of 87 points is good for a record of 5-5 this week, so that improves their overall record to 17-23. 

BEST BENCH
It was the second lowest scoring week this season, so there really weren’t a lot of points left on the bench.  The winner this week is the first multi-Best Bench winner this season, and it was the same point improvement possibility as last time.  Thus, with another 28-point improvement possibility, the Week 5 Best Bench goes to… American BadAss!  Jason would have need a half-roster change (4 spots) to get there:  R. Woods for B. Cooks +14, Pittsburgh for Tennesee +9, C. Carson for E. Elliott +4, M. Stafford for M. Ryan +1.

Lets bring on Week 6!

Doubling it up!

Two is better than one!

Two in a row!  Hats off to American BadAss for taking home the Weekly High Score Prize for the second week in a row!  Big games from Matt Ryan (31 points) and Ezekiel Elliot (32 points) propelled Jason to 128 points and the crown.  The 128 points scored is the highest single week total so far this season, and it moves BadAss into the top spot for highest scoring team.  Well done bro!

In divisional standings, the South Division is proving to be the dominant force this season, having scored a combined 139 points more than the North (1,860 to 1,721), and boasts an overall combined winning record of 12-8.  But get this, comparing scoring this season to last season isn’t even close… last season through the first four weeks there were a combined 3,012 points scored and this season there have been 3,581!  That breaks down to an average of 57 more points scored per team, or an average of 14 more points scored per team per week.  The scoreboards are lighting up this season, as this is the highest scoring season through the first four weeks since 2013!  Let's keep that rollin'!

Just a couple quick notes this week…

• Every week there has been at least one quarterback to score over 40 points...and this week we had two!  Mitchell Trubisky went crazy for 46 pts (!) and Jared Goff racked up 41.  These two guys combined for 11 touchdown passes.  Wha..what?!
• The top four teams in the North Division (Vandelay Industries, Bubble Craps Bandits, Sofa King Back and Longshanks) are all within 5 points of total scoring.
• Blake Bortles has only lost in 2 of the 196 countries in the world.
• The 10th ranked kicker in fantasy (Josh Lambo, JAX) has scored 35 points.  There are only three tight ends who have scored more than that, and one of those is George Kittle.
• The highest scoring defense is the Chicago Bears who have scored 60 points, ranking them 28th overall in scoring.  (They have more points than Kareem Hunt or Julio Jones).  The thing that makes this notable is the Bears were undrafted, while Hunt & Julio were 2nd rounders.

PLAYOFFS?  DON'T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!
Hard to believe we are already four weeks into the season, but it means that next week I’ll be posting my annual playoff predictions.  It's gonna be tricky this year with the standings being tight and so many points being scored.  Two years ago I went 6-for-6 with my Week 5 Playoff Predictions, but I last year I only got 4 of 6 correct.  Tune in next week to see who I predict will be playing for the crown this season!

BEST BENCH
Wouldn’t be right to finish a week without awarding the Best Bench, and it is a good one this time.  The winner this week had the highest bench total of the season so far, with an impressive 54-point improvement possibility!  Needing only three roster moves to get there, the Week 4 Best Bench goes to… Bye Week!!  Jens needed to swap G. Tate for T. Austin (+25), J. White for D. Cook (+20) and S. Michel for A. Collins (+9).  You see that?  Going with an all New England Patriot backfield would have been better for Jens.  This world is an odd place.  All I can say to that is...What do YOU know?!?

Let’s get Week 5 going!!

For Timmy

What a BadAss Week!

Just like that, only three weeks in and already the undefeated teams and winless teams are no more.  In a weird matchup coincidence, it was the two winless teams, American BadAss and Young Guns, getting their first wins versus the two undefeated teams, Coors Light Drunk Guys and sprouts.  Going all the way back to 2007, there has never been a season without at least one 3-0 or 0-3 team… never before have the standings been like the currently sit with every team in the league at either 2-1 or 1-2.  Crazy!  How’s that for parity?

The big congrats this week go out to American BadAss, one of only two teams able to crack triple digits this week!  Jason was able to overcome a zero-point performance from the Bengals defense, and still post 104 points to take the crown.  Matt Ryan had a monstrous game, scoring 42 points, which accounted for more than 40% of BadAss’ total points.  Jason also had four of his other players score double digits, led by kicker Will Lutz who finished with 15 points.  This marks American BadAss's first Weekly High Score Prize this season, and is the third different team to claim the top spot.  Well done bro!

This week we will check in with the All Unwanteds, see which NFL teams are scoring the most fantasy points, and I’ll highlight a touchdown celebration from this week which will probably go down as my favorite all time.  Onward!!

BIG TIME

• Matt Ryan, QB – American BadAss – 42 pts – In an epic display of quarterbacking, Matt Ryan put up 374 yards and 5 TD’s with no interceptions in a loss to the Saints.
• Drew Brees, QB – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 42 pts – Here was the other half of the epic quarterbacking… Brees had himself 396 yards and 3 TD’s, plus added 2 rushing TD’s.  Amazingly, between Ryan & Brees there were 84 passes thrown without one interception.  And how crazy is it that these two guys were going head-to-head in a real game, and in the game between BadAss & the Drunk Guys.  What?!
• Calvin Ridley, WR – Free Agent – 32 pts – The rookie wide receiver will certainly keep seeing a lot more looks if he plays like this… 7 catches (on 8 targets) for 146 yards and 3 TD’s!  (Side note – Julio Jones, the other Falcons receiver, had a total of 3 touchdowns all of last season!)
• Cam Newton, QB – sprouts – 29 pts – Not much passing-wise for Cam (150 yards, 2 TD’s), but he managed to get into the endzone twice on the ground and added 36 yards.
• Jared Goff, QB – Joe’s Pats – 28 pts – Goff’s point totals so far this season are 17, 21 and 28.  I’ve done the math and at his current rate of improvement he should score 77 points in Week 12 and 94 points in Week 15!
• Ryan Fitzpatrick, QB – Young Guns – 27 pts – The magic wore off a bit, but Fitz still racked up 411 yards and 3 TD’s, but unfortunately had 3 interceptions.  Get this… through 3 weeks of play, Ryan Fitzpatrick is the highest scoring player in fantasy with 104 points!  That’s 11 points higher than the next closest player, Drew Brees.

COME ON MAN!!

• Keenan Allen, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 2 pts – Allen only managed 44 yards, plus loss a fumble in this weak showing.
• Austin Seferian-Jenkins, WR – Bye Weak – 1 pt – ASJ is a touchdown-or-bust-kind-of-guy, and this week was definitely a bust as he caught 3 passes for only 17 yards.
• Kenyan Drake, RB – Bubble Craps Bandits – 0 pts – He rushed 5 times for 3 yards (0.6 yards per carry) and caught 2 passes for 7 yards (3.5 yards per catch).  Combined he touched the ball 7 times for 10 yards or 1.43 yards per touch.  You could probably quarterback sneak for more than that.
• Larry Fitzgerald, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 0 pts – Larry only caught 2 passes for 9 yards, which matches his lowest yardage total since 2012, and the fewest passes thrown in his direction (2) since 2006.  With only 9 points scored so far this season, Fitzgerald ranks 78^th among wide receivers.
• Cincinnati, DEF – American BadAss – 0 pts – The Bengals gave up 31 points and only managed one defensive statistic…a lone sack.  Weak.
• Dan Bailey, K – Joe’s Pats – 0 pts – In what should have been an amazing opportunity to rack up points (Vikings playing at home versus the Bills), Minnesota got throttled by Buffalo and Bailey never even attempted an extra point or a field goal.
• Rashaad Penny, RB – sprouts – 0 pts – Penny only carried the ball three times, and nearly lost a fumble.  And on those three carries, he only managed 5 yards. 

ALL UNWANTEDS

Miami had a big game on Sunday which gave a big boost to the All Unwanteds this week:

QB	Ryan Tannehill Mia	25
RB	Bilal Powell NYJ	7
RB	Frank Gore Mia	1
WR	Albert Wilson Mia	19
WR	Jakeem Grant Mia	21
TE	Mike Gesicki Mia	3
K	Jason Myers NYJ	5
DEF	Miami Mia	10
		91

Two roster changes from last week, inserting Jakeem Grant, WR and Mike Gesicki, TE into the lineup.  The 91 points scored was good enough to defeat 8 teams this week!  Only American BadAss and Young Guns would have beaten the All Unwanteds.  This moves their overall season record to 16-14.

MY FAVORITE TD CELEBRATION EVER

There have been some unique TD celebrations using the ball as a prop… performing CPR on it, using it as a pillow, dropping it in the red kettle… but Isaiah Crowell took it to a new, and hilarious, level on Thursday night.  After scoring his second touchdown and giving the Jets a 13-0 lead, Crowell squatted then wiped his ass three times with the ball and THREW IT INTO THE CROWD!!  I honestly re-watched it probably a dozen times, laughing harder each time I saw it. 

(If the video isn't working, here's the link to youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grS62P-yaj0)

Couple things I wonder about this:  a) when did he actually think up the idea?, b) did he rehearse beforehand?, and c) how did he finally decide, “Okay now’s the time when I’m gonna pretend to shit and wipe my ass and throw it on people on national television!”?  Unreal.

NFL TEAM FANTASY SCORES

This season I’ve set up a tracker to calculate the weekly fantasy point total by NFL team.  For each team, it calculates the points scored for all normal roster positions: 1 QB, 2 WR, 2 RB, 1 TE, 1 K and 1 DEF.  Through three weeks, here are the top 10 highest scoring teams:

Team	1	2	3	Total
KC	102	105	82	289
TB	121	92	75	288
LAR	83	104	101	288
NO	113	64	105	282
Pit	84	101	69	254
LAC	97	85	66	248
Cin	78	100	65	243
Atl	53	87	102	242
Bal	86	70	79	235
Was	91	53	80	224

This shows by going with an all Chief, Buccaneer or Ram lineup, you would have been the highest scoring team in the league right now, and an all Saint lineup would have you tied with Joe’s Pats for highest scoring team with 282 points.

And in case you are curious, here are the bottom 5 scoring teams:

Team	1	2	3	Total
Dal	36	65	50	151
Buf	20	47	80	147
Phi	48	69	26	143
Ten	54	48	36	138
Ari	30	13	38	81

In Week 1, an all Buffalo team would have scored 20 points, and in Week 2 an all Cardinal team would have only made 13 points!  Holy hell that’s bad!

BEST BENCH

The Best Bench award is now going on its 10^th year after making its debut back in 2009.  During that time, there have only been 8 occasions where the highest scoring team for the week also takes the Best Bench prize.  Well we can now add one more to that total, as the Week 3 Best Bench goes to… American BadAss!!  Jason needed just three roster moves for a 28-point improvement:  R. Woods for T. Hill +18, C. Carson for E. Elliott +7, K. Stills for B. Cooks +3.

Get your waivers in!  Week 4 is fast approaching!