Two weeks in and we have just two teams at 2-0 and two teams at 0-2. Attack of Mahomes is top dog, leading the way with 221 points scored thus far, which ranks as the 3rd most points scored in the first two weeks in Sacred Sundays history. (Channel 4 News Team—Tim’s 2013 incarnation--holds the record of 231 points scored in the first two weeks). Keep on rocking, Timmy! Defending champ Joe’s Pats, is at the other end of the spectrum, having yet to find a victory and having only scored 147 points. Of course, two weeks is not a lot of time and there is plenty of football left to be played. Last year, after two weeks Young Guns were in 9th place and they ended up finishing in 3rd, while Coors Light Drunk Guys and sprouts were both 2-0 and ended up missing the playoffs. So it’s still anyone’s game…
Player rankings are crazy right now too…! Any guesses on the highest scoring wide receiver? That would be John Ross III, wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals who has scored 47 points so far. Top three runningbacks? Dalvin Cook (50 pts), Austin Ekeler (48 pts) and Derrick Henry (42 pts). Top tight end? How does Mark Andrews sound to you? Mark freaking Andrews?? (For those wondering, Andrews plays for the Ravens and has scored 33 points this year, which is 9 more than Travis Kelce.) And my favorite position of all…Kickers. The top kicker right now is Joey Slye. Gold star to anyone who can correctly guess Mr. Slye’s team. (Answer at the bottom).
The Weekly High Score honors this week go to American BadAss who is living the mantra “Defense wins championships!” ABA annihilated the field this week posting an impressive 130 points, 19 more than the next closest team and 50 points higher than the average score this week. Jason had a legendary defensive performance from the Patriots, racking up 41 points, along with big games from Dak Prescott (26 pts), Ezekiel Elliott (17 pts) and his kicker Joey Slye (16 pts). This week’s high score is the highest we’ve seen since Week 10 last season, when American BadAss had 158. Nice work once again, bro!
This week we’ll see how good of a free agent team I can put together and find out which team is dominating the bench this season. Onward!
BIG TIME
-New England, DEF – American BadAss – 41 pts – It was pretty well assumed the Patriots would lay the smack down on the Dolphins, but even this felt a bit excessive. Seven sacks, 4 interceptions, 2 TD’s, 2 4th down stops and ZERO points surrendered! This is the 3rd best defensive performance in Sacred Sundays history, with only Seattle (45 pts, Week 14-2012) and Philly (43 pts, Week 1-2009) having scored more in a single game.
-Patrick Mahomes, QB – Attack of Mahomes – 34 pts – Once again, Mahomes 1st half would be considered a great full game by any other quarterback. This week he had 313 yard and 4 TD’s IN THE FIRST HALF! What this guy is doing is simply unprecedented.
-Demarcus Robinson, WR – Free Agent – 32 pts – Don’t feel bad if you don’t know who this guy is…even Timmy didn’t have him on his roster. So to get everyone up to speed, Demarcus Robinson is a wide receiver for the Chiefs who just caught 6-of-6 passes for 172 yards and 2 TD’s. Just an average game for a guy catching passes from a guy named Patrick Mahomes.
-Lamar Jackson, QB – Vandelay Industries – 30 pts – Jackson threw for 272 yards, ran for 120 plus threw 2 TD’s. He’s scored only 2 fewer points than Mahomes so far, so he is on an absolutely blistering pace, averaging 31 points per game.
COME ON MAN!
-Josh Gordon, WR – Big Sack – 1 pt – Only two catches for 19 yards. He is part of a now very crowded receiving corps in New England.
-TJ Hockenson, TE – Vandelay Industries – 0 pts – After looking like the 2nd coming of Tony Gonzalez last week (131 yards and a TD), TJ played like a true Detroit Lion and scored zero this week. He did manage one catch, but it only went for 7 yards.
-OJ Howard, TE – Joe’s Pats – 0 pts – Howard caught one pass, but negated it with his own offensive pass interference penalty. Not quite the production Joe was expecting from the 1st pick of the 4th round…
REALISTIC COMPANY SLOGANS
Denny’s – Because it’s 2:30 a.m., you’re drunk and want pancakes.
Facebook – We know more about you than you do.
US Government - …And we’ll take that info.
Internet Explorer – Your No. 1 browser for downloading other browsers.
Java – You don’t know what I am, update me anyway.
FREE AGENT DOMINATION
Check out the team of free agents I was able to cobble together this week:
| Josh Allen Buf - QB |
22
|
|
32
|
|
| Nelson Agholor Phi - WR |
16
|
| Raheem Mostert SF - RB |
20
|
|
15
|
|
| Will Dissly Sea - TE |
17
|
|
15
|
|
|
15
|
|
| Total - | 152 |
ESOTERIC JOKE(S) OF THE WEEK
There’s a band called 1023MB. Unfortunately, they haven’t had any gigs yet.
Two hydrogen atoms sit on a curb. One of them is sad
“What’s the problem, bud?”
“I think an electron left me.”
“Are you certain? They’re small, they’re easy to miss…”
“No, no, I’m positive.”
What do you call 8 hobbits? A hobbyte.
BEST BENCH
So this may be the craziest Best Bench situation I’ve ever seen… Last week Attack of Mahomes had the best bench, needing to swap in Sammy Watkins and LeSean McCoy for Kenny Golladay and Aaron Jones. So Tim did just that this week, starting Watkins and McCoy. However, fast forward to this week, and Attack of Mahomes once again claims the Best Bench, but two of the players needed to swap out are Watkins and McCoy back in favor of Golladay and Jones! Are you freaking kidding me?
The total point improvement possibility was 37, and Timmy needed 3 roster moves: A. Jones for L. McCoy +18, K. Golladay for S. Watkins +13, and C. Ridley for A. Cooper +6. Attack of Mahomes is currently leading in points scored, and in Bench points… simply a point-making machine!
That’s all for Week 2… get those waivers in!!
Trivia answer – Joey Slye is a proud kicker for the Carolina Panthers. Jason – I doubt even you got that right. Ha!
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