Week 6 is a split

The skids are over!  At last there are no more winless teams as SofaKingHorrible and my Scottish Rebels both managed to notch wins this week.  Also, Young Guns remained undefeated by registering a 67-67 tie with the Coors Light Drunk Guys.  This gives Young Guns the odd record of 4-0-2.  Last season my Rebels had 2 tie games and finished 2nd overall.  In terms of league standings, four teams have four wins (Young Guns, American BadAss, Vandelay Industries and Timmay’s Hookers), two have three wins (Joe’s Pats and sprouts), two have two wins (Bubble Craps Bandits and Coors Light Drunk Guys) and SofaKingHorrible and Scottish Rebels have one win.  So with seven games left of the fantasy regular season, it is all still wide open in the battle for the top six playoff spots.

Before I go any further, I would like to take this opportunity to officially welcome John Egan and his Young Guns to Sacred Sundays!  He is taking over for Jamie who informed me last week he wouldn’t be able to do the league this season.  But fortunately John was in Vegas during our draft (serving as Jensy’s “American Football Consultant”), so he has met Timmy, James, Jason, Joe and I.  He is eligible to win Weekly High Score Prizes going forward and any of the playoff prizes.  Welcome John!  And good luck!

The congratulations for the Weekly High Score this week is split between Joe Blows (Jens) and my Scottish Rebels, both of whom netted 111 points.  The last split Weekly High Score happened in Week 13, 2012 when American BadAss and BoomGoesTheDynamite (Jens) tied at 120 points.  This time around Jens got there with big performances from Drew Brees (35 pts), Terrance West (23 pts) and Legarrette Blount (13 pts).  Meanwhile, my Rebels got there courtesy of big games from Cam Newton (26 pts), Brandin Cooks (26 pts) and Rob Gronkowski (25 pts).  This is the first Weekly High Score for both Jens and I, and it brings the total number of teams to win a Weekly High Score this season to 6.

Onward!


OH YEAH!

• Jay Ajayi, RB – Free Agent – 35 pts – In spite of Arian Foster returning to the lineup, Mr. Ajayi (ah-jay-ee) was the workhorse (out carrying Foster 25-6 in rush attempts) and finished with 204 yards and 2 TD’s!  Pretty amazing to have a performance like that against the Steelers who came into the game only allowing 77 rushing yards a game.
• Drew Brees, QB – Joe Blows – 35 pts – It is almost comical how many yards and TD’s Brees compiles when he is on his game.  Sunday was one of those days where he was on, finishing with 465 yards (!) and 4 TD’s with only 1 interception.
• Odell Beckham, WR – sprouts – 35 pts – He may be out of control at times, but he is a game changer.  He caught 8 balls for 222 yards (27.8 yards/catch) and 2 TD’s in by far his best game of the season.
• LeSean McCoy, RB – Vandelay Industries – 32 pts – Shady only needed 19 carries to do his damage… 140 yards and 3 TD’s… against the weak 49ers run defense.  This moves McCoy up to the 2nd ranked RB in fantasy.
• David Johnson, RB – American BadAss – 31 pts – And here is your top RB.  Johnson had a cakewalk against the Jets this week.  Actually, walking on cake might have created more resistance than the Jets did.  He was untouched on 3 TD runs, and picked up 111 yards as well.
• Tom Brady, QB – Bubble Craps Bandits – 30 pts – Brady is 2-for-2 in cracking 30 points this season.  If he continues at this pace, he will score over 360 points this season while only playing in 75% of the games.  (FYI – Brady was the top scorer in fantasy last season, finishing with 342 points.)
• Lamar Miller, RB – Scottish Rebels – 28 pts – Miller found the endzone for the first time this season, and went ahead and did it twice for good measure.  In all he had 149 yards rushing, 29 yards receiving and 2 TD’s.
• Case Keenum, QB – Free Agent – 28 pts – When Case Keenum threw a touchdown pass to Lance Kendricks on Sunday in the Rams vs. Lions game, I thought to myself, “Wow, that scored exactly zero points for no one.”  He actually had a strong day (321 pass yards, 3 TD’s, 1 INT, 1 Rushing TD), but is only owned in 3% of leagues.

COME ON, MAN!

• Michael Crabtree, WR – Scottish Rebels – 1 pt – After scoring in double digits for 4 of the first 5 weeks of the season (including 26 points two weeks ago), Crabass sucked a big one only catching 2 balls for 10 yards.
• Demaryius Thomas, WR – SofaKingHorrible – 1 pt – Bad day for Thomas, catching 5 balls for only 35 yards and losing a crucial 4th quarter fumble.
• Tevin Coleman, RB – Bubble Craps Bandits – 1 pt – Coleman got only 5 carries and managed a whopping 2 yard-per-carry average.  Yuck.
• Chris Boswell, K – Bubble Craps Bandits – 1 pt – One lone PAT was all Boswell had a chance to do in this one.  On the bright side, at least he didn’t miss.
• Carolina, DEF – Joe’s Pats – 0 pts – I remember a time when Carolina was a good team.  No make that a really good team.  Like a Superbowl contending team.  Oh the memories…

ESOTERIC JOKE
Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.


ALL UNWANTEDS
Last year’s All Unwanted Team consisted entirely of Cleveland Browns, as they were the lone team with no players drafted.  This year the All Unwanteds have been pulled from the Falcons, 49ers and Ravens, as each of these teams only had two players selected in this year’s draft.  Last year it was obvious why the Unwanteds were unwanted (man that team really sucked)…but this year, surprisingly, the All Unwanteds are sporting a winning record of 4-1 after 5 weeks.  The Week 6 randomly assigned opponent was the Coors Light Drunk Guys who scored 67 points.  Here is how the Unwanteds fared:
Matt Ryan Atl - QB        21
Mike Wallace Bal - WR  9
Jeremy Kerley SF - WR  1
Terrance West Bal - RB  23
Tevin Coleman Atl - RB 1
Jacob Tamme Atl - TE    1
Matt Bryant Atl - K          6
Baltimore Bal - DEF  7
TOTAL                           69
So in a narrow victory, the All Unwanteds move to 5-1 on the season!  Next week’s opponent is my Scottish Rebels.  Roster notice – Mohamed Sanu is replacing Jeremy Kerley for Week 7.

ESOTERIC JOKE (Election Edition)
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.  In feudalism it’s your count that votes.


BEST BENCH
It is a rare honor for a team to claim the Weekly High Score AND the Best Bench in the same week, something which has only happened six times prior.  Well now we can say it has happened 7 times, as the Week 6 Best Bench goes to… my Scottish Rebels!  By swapping out my runningbacks, I could have improved my point total by 32 points.  L. Miller for R. Mathews +22 and C. Michael for J. Howard +10.


Tune in next week for MID TERM GRADES!!

IT'S MY BEER!!

It is playoff prediction time!  Five weeks is enough time to start separating the good from the bad, and this year we have quite the chasm.  Not since the 2011 season have we had two teams start off 0-5, and never has a team started out 0-5 and still made the playoffs.  On the other end of the spectrum, only once has an undefeated team after 5 weeks not made the playoffs.  So based on those two factoids, the fates of the Midnight Maulers, SofaKingHorrible and my Scottish Rebels are pretty well established.  Last year I correctly picked 5 of 6 playoff teams, so I’m going to see if I can be perfect this season!  Full playoff predictions below.

The bigtime congratulations this week go to Mr. Shawn Martin and his Coors Light Drunk Guys!  Shawn brought his “A” game (or should that be “F’n’A game”?) this week en route to his highest

score of the season, 117 points!  The Andrew Luck-to-TY Hilton combo was good for 47 points this week, and Devonta Freeman had a big game (17 points).  Solid performances from the rest of his team brought home the prize this week!  This is the Drunk’s first Weekly High Score Prize of the season.  Nice job Shawn!  F!  N!  A!

Only a quick update this week, so let’s get to it!

ALL UNWANTEDS

The All Unwanted Team entered this week with a record of 4-0, and were looking to stay unbeaten against American BadAss.  BadAss had a strong week, finishing with 100 points.  Here is the Unwanted’s roster:

Matt Ryan Atl - QB	14
Steve Smith Sr. Bal - WR	2
Mohamed Sanu Atl - WR	2
Terrance West Bal - RB	9
Tevin Coleman Atl - RB	22
Jacob Tamme Atl - TE	0
Matt Bryant Atl - K	12
Baltimore Bal - DEF	6
	67

In spite of some spirited play from Tevin Coleman, this goes down as the first loss of the season.  The All Unwanteds record is now 4-1.  Next week’s opponent is the Coors Light Drunk Guys.  Roster change notice: Mike Wallace and Jeremy Kerley will be replacing wide receivers.

PLAYOFFS?!  DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!

As mentioned earlier, last year I was correct on 5 of 6 playoff entrants.  To get over the hump and correctly call all six playoff teams this season, I’ve enhanced my prognostication model to include a new statistic… difficulty of remaining schedule.  This will go along with statistics already being used: current overall record and total points scored.  Looking historically, here are some interesting notes:

-          - No team starting 0-5 has ever made the playoffs.

-          - One win teams through 5 weeks have qualified 50% of the time. 

-          - Undefeated teams through 5 weeks have only not qualified for the playoffs one time.

-          - The highest scoring team through 5 weeks has always qualified for the playoffs, but oddly has never won the championship.

-          - The second highest scoring team through 5 weeks also always has qualified for the playoffs.

Here are this year’s predictions for playoff qualifying teams:

-          Midnight Maulers – Highest scoring team and best record.

-          Coors Light Drunk Guys – Second highest scoring team.

-          American BadAss – Teams starting 4-1 qualify for playoffs 71% of the time.

-          NextYearXXXXX – Third highest scoring team, and teams starting 3-2 qualify 70% of the time.

-          Joe’s Pats – Only 1 loss and easiest schedule through the end of the season.

-          Vandelay Industries – 3-2 record qualifies 70% of the time and 3^rd easiest schedule through the remainder of the season.

That leaves the non-playoff teams as:

-          Sprouts – 8^th in overall scoring and the most difficult schedule through the end of the season.

-          Bubble Craps Bandits – 2-3 record only qualifies 50% of the time, and 7^th in overall scoring.

-          SofaKingHorrible – teams with an 0-5 record have never qualified for the playoffs.

-          Scottish Rebels – teams with an 0-5 record have never qualified for the playoffs.

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS JAMIE GEORGE?

It is pretty evident Jamie is not actively managing the Midnight Mauler’s roster, as it has not changed since the start of the year and he is carrying a player who is on I.R.  The last time I heard from Jamie was back several months ago when he renewed his team for this season.  He has not responded to my emails since and hasn’t paid his entry fee for this season.  His cell number has changed from the one I had for him, apparently, but I have also sent him Facebook messages to try to find out if he wants to play this season.  I’ve told him I need to know by this Thursday (10/13/16) so I can figure out what to do with his team.

Here is what I’m thinking… If I do not hear from him, we turn his team over to a replacement manager.  I’m thinking John can be the replacement, as he was in Vegas with Jens this year and hung out with us during the draft, so he has actually met five of us in the league.  I can’t imagine we could round up someone else at this point who has met more than five people in this league.  So he seems like a logical choice, and is also very into fantasy football.

What this would mean for everyone else in the league:  The Weekly High Score Prizes won by the Maulers so far this season would basically be voided, so everyone will get back $10.  John coming in would owe $100 for his entry fee which will make him eligible for Weekly High Score Prizes going forward (Weeks 6 – 16), plus any of the top finishing prizes. 

We’ve never had a completely absent owner like this before, so I’m really not entirely certain how we should proceed.  If you think there is a better course of action than what I’ve described, please let me know as soon as possible.

BEST BENCH

Really very few points left on the bench this week, as this week’s winner only had a 29-point improvement possibility, which is the lowest of the season.  Needing only two roster moves, the Week 5 Best Bench goes to… the Bubble Craps Bandits!!  Timmy only needed to swap out his runningbacks to improve the 29 points: T. Coleman for E. Lacy (+14), and T. Riddick for J. McKinnon (+15).

Clock strikes midnight again!

For Sacred Sundays entire existence, an invisible barrier has existed at 149 points.  No team had ever crossed 150 points.  Several came close:  Timmy with 149 in Week 15 of 2013, Jens with 148 points in Week 14 of 2014 and James with 148 in Week 3 of 2011.  

But now, finally a team has broken through the barrier and scored 150 points!  Jamie George and his Midnight Maulers took a hard route with only 7 of 8 players actually posting points.  Stephen Gostkowski, the Maulers' kicker, was held scoreless for the first time since 2012.  (Actually, it may be the first time in his career he has been held scoreless…my good player stats only go back to 2012.)  So in an ordinary week, Jamie would have scored even more.  Seriously, how do the Buffalo Bills shut out the New England Patriots IN FOXBORO?? You gotta be kidding!  

But the Maulers players who did score, scored big.  Three players on the Maulers roster combined for 99 points (Julio Jones = 39, Ben Roethlisberger = 34 and A.J. Green = 26), the runningbacks added 25 (Mark Ingram = 15, CJ Anderson = 10), Greg Olsen, TE had 15 points and the Seahawk D chipped in 11.  Truly a game for the ages!  The average score in the league this week was 78 points, so the Maulers were nearly double that.  Well done Jamie!  Awwyeah!

This marks Jamie’s 2nd Weekly High Score Prize of the season.  Going back to 2010, all championship teams have won at least two Weekly High Score Prizes, and the average finish for teams with two Weekly High Score Prizes is 4.4.  So the Maulers have laid the groundwork for a great season!  The win this week also kept the Maulers without a loss so far this year.  On the other end of the spectrum, both my Scottish Rebels and James’ SofaKingHorrible have yet to find the win column.  The worst starting record is 0-6… James- We have two weeks to find a win...somehow…

Without further ado, let’s do this!!

OH YEAH!

- Julio Jones, WR – Midnight Maulers – 39 pts – Julio had a single game better than many player’s entire careers.  He caught 12 balls for 300 yards (!!) and a touchdown.  It marked only the 6th time in NFL history a player has gone for 300 yards in a single game.

- Matt Ryan, QB – sprouts – 38 pts – Matty-Ice was unstoppable, throwing for 503 yards and 4 TD’s.  He is presently on pace to throw 5,892 yards and 44 touchdowns this season!  What in the what?!  He is the number one fantasy point scorer (111 points), leading the next closest player (Drew Brees) by 24 points.  And he was undrafted.

- Ben Roethlisberger, QB – Midnight Maulers – 34 pts – The rain didn’t bother Big Ben at all as he trounced the Chiefs defense, racking up 300 yards and 5 TD’s.

- A.J. Green, WR – Midnight Maulers – 26 pts – Give it up to the Maulers for having three of the top four highest scoring players of the week!  Green’s day consisted of 10 catches for 173 yards and a TD.  In the notes section for Green’s game, I found this line: “He beat perfect coverage from Howard for a 51-yard catch right down the sideline before clownsuiting Lippett on a screen for his score”.  ‘Clownsuiting’ is not a term I’ve heard before, so I’ve done some research.  Full definition and usage below.

- Michael Crabtree, WR – Scottish Rebels – 26 pts – Crabtree caught 3 TD’s and a 2-pt conversion to go along with 88 yards.  

COME ON MAN

- Travis Benjamin, WR – American BadAss – 2 pts – A mediocre day turned awful in the 4th quarter when Benjamin lost a fumble where he was untouched, just running with the football.

- Rob Gronkowski, TE – Scottish Rebels – 1 pt – Tom?  We need you buddy.

- Coby Fleener, TE – SofaKingHorrible – 1 pt – Fleener had what would have been a touchdown catch snagged instead by his teammate John Kuhn.  Other than that, he didn’t do much.

- Dennis Pitta, TE – NextYearUndefeated – 1 pt – Zero love for tight ends this week, with Pitta only catching 3 balls for 17 yards.

- Charles Sims, RB – Scottish Rebels – 0 pts – The measly 28 yards Sims gained were negated by a lost fumble.  Suck!

- Julius Thomas, TE – American BadAss – 0 pts – Thomas was declared inactive prior to Sunday’s kickoff, yet remained in American BadAss’ lineup… hmm...

- DeAndre Hopkins, WR – Bubble Craps Bandits – 0 pts – A whole lotta nothing for Hopkins this week, as he only caught 1 of 4 balls thrown his way for a grand total of 4 yards.

- Houston, DEF – Vandelay Industries – 0 pts – Just bad… 

- Jamaal Charles, RB – SofaKingHorrible – 0 pts – James took a chance starting Charles, but he only got 2 carries for 7 yards.  On the bright side, he did not reinjure his knee or anything.

- Stephen Gostkowski, K – Midnight Maulers – 0 pts – The most consistent scoring kicker in fantasy got shut out in a game where the Patriots normally shine…playing at home against the Bills.  This had to be the most shocking outcome from Sunday.

THE ALL-UNWANTEDS

Seriously, I want to just swap my entire roster for this one… check out the All Unwanted team this week:

Matt Ryan Atl - QB                38

Steve Smith Sr. Bal - WR      17

Mohamed Sanu Atl - WR       2

Terrance West Bal - RB         17

Tevin Coleman Atl - RB         2

Jacob Tamme Atl - TE           6

Matt Bryant Atl - K                14

Baltimore Bal - DEF               4

Total -                                100

This week’s opponent (as randomly assigned by the computer) was NextYearUndefeated who scored 62, so this is a fourth straight win!  Unbelievable...the team I put together of leftover players from the draft has the best record in the league! 4-0.

Next week's opponent: American BadAss.

I HATE THAT CLOWN

Okay, I hope you are all ready to tumble down a nerd rabbit hole.  Per Urban Dictionary and WoWWiki, the term “clownsuit” refers to a player in World of Warcraft whose equipment is horribly

mismatched yet is still viable enough stats-wise to be used, in spite of its aesthetic failure.  From WoWWiki – “A player who quests indiscriminately in many different areas often ends up with a clownsuit.”  A clownsuit can also be referred to as “rainbow pimp gear”.  (No, I did not make that up). Used in a sentence – Nerd 1: “Man, your clownsuit looks like you were caught in the blast of an armor thrift store.” Nerd 2: “Maybe so, but did you check out my DPS stats?!”

As best I can figure, "clownsuiting" then must refer to one of two things: 1) making another person look as though they spend more time playing World of Warcraft than living in reality, or 2) embarrassing someone to the point they would rather go back to their sad life playing World of Warcraft.  Here are some sentences I came up with: “Timmy kept mercilessly clownsuiting Shawn by raining all those 3’s on him.”  Or: “Jamie George is clownsuiting the entire league this season.”

BEST BENCH

Week 4 was the lowest overall scoring week this season, which generally means there were a lot of points left on the bench.  Surprisingly, for 9 of 10 teams this was not the case.  Everyone reading this did a good job of not leaving many points sitting idle.  Not the case for yours truly.  With a 54-point improvement, the Week 4 Best Bench goes to… my Scottish Rebels!  Half of my decisions were wrong this week, as I needed four roster moves to get there:  M. Crabtree for M. Evans +21, M. Jones for C. Sims +19, K. Rudolph for R. Gronkowski +10, and C. Michael for L. Miller +4.  

Week 5 is on its way!  There are four teams on bye this week:  Jacksonville, Kansas City, New Orleans and Seattle.  Double check your rosters and make sure all your players are active.  And tune in next week for my annual playoff predictions!