Vandelay Surging Into The Playoffs!

One week left in the regular season and here is what we know: 

1. Three teams are in the playoffs: Vandelay Industries, First to Worst and Bubble Craps Bandits.  Vandelay has secured the top seed in the South division, so will receive a first round bye.  The other team to earn a bye has yet to be determined.  
2. Four teams control their own destiny, i.e. Win the final game and they are in the playoffs.  This applies to: Joe’s Pats, American BadAss, sprouts and Finders Keepers.  Finders Keepers and sprouts face each other in Week 13, so the winner of that one will get into the playoffs.  Should be a good one to keep an eye on!  
3. The Coors Light Drunk Guys still have an outside shot to get in, but it’s not easy.  Basically, Shawn needs to win and have losses by Joe’s Pats, American BadAss and Finders Keepers.  At that point there would be a three-way tie between the Drunks, BadAss and Joe’s Pats for the final two playoff spots.  This is where it gets interesting… in head-to-head matchups, the Drunks hold the edge over BadAss, BadAss holds the edge over Joe’s Pats, and Joe’s Pats holds the edge over the Drunks.  So it would come down to points scored, where Joe’s Pats has a significant advantage, so he’d likely claim the first playoff spot.  The Drunks and BadAss have amazingly scored the exact same amount of points through 12 weeks (839), so it would come down to the team which scores the most points in the final game to claim the second playoff spot.
4. Young Guns and Longshanks are out… only playing for the Weekly High Score Prizes at this point.

The big congrats this week go out once again to Vandelay Industries, posting a second high score in as many weeks, this time scoring an impressive 133 points!  Antonio Brown and Alvin Kamara dominated for Vandelay (33 and 30 points, respectively), plus a big performance from Kyle Rudolph (18 pts) and three other players scoring in double digits.  In the head-to-head matchup, Vandelay defeated sprouts by 88 points, which is the 3rd largest margin of defeat in Sacred Sundays history.  With the win, Vandelay Industries maintains the distinction as the highest scoring team in the league.  (Joe’s Pats is the second highest scoring team, trailing Vandelay by 56 points).  Suffice it to say, things are looking good in the latex industry!

The game of the week for Week 12 was Young Guns besting Joe’s Pats 122-118.  Only 11 teams have managed to scored over 100 this season, and this was just the 2nd time a team has scored 100 points in a loss.  Joe’s score also tied the record for the highest score in a loss in Sacred Sundays history.  (Back in 2013, Sofa King Good lost 149-118.)  Contrast that game to Finders Keepers vs. Bubble Craps Bandits, where the Keepers won 68-40, so both of those teams combined couldn’t even match one of the teams in the Guns vs. Pats.  Crazy!

Just a quick update this week as we get ready for the final push to the playoffs!


EVERYONE NEEDS MONEY, THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT MONEY
Here is an update on the prize money won so far this season, and a reminder of the prizes competing for in the playoffs:
Weekly High Score Prize = $50 (Weeks 1 – 16)
Weekly High Score Prizes won so far:
Joe’s Pats = 3 (Weeks 1, 3 & 9) $150
First to Worst = 3 (Weeks 4, 7 & 10) $150
Vandelay Industries = 2 (Weeks 11 & 12) $100
Coors Light Drunk Guys = 1 (Week 2) $50
sprouts = 1 (Week 5) $50
Longshanks = 1 (Week 6) $50
Young Guns = 1 (Week 8) $50

Playoff Prizes:
4th Place = $45
3rd Place = $67
Runner-up = $113
Champion = $225

BEST BENCH
There were quite a lot of points on the bench this week… American BadAss could’ve improved by +37, Coors Light Drunk Guys by +47 and sprouts by +53.  But none were better than this week’s winner who had a +60-point improvement possibility.  In a week of setting records, this was the 2nd highest Best Bench of the season.  Now, without further ado, the Week 12 Best Bench goes to… the Bubble Craps Bandits!  Timmy needed nearly an entire roster swap… 6 players!!  T. Coleman for D. Martin +18, NY Giants for Chiefs +11, H. Henry for T. Kelce +10, D. Adams for T. Hill +9, C. McCaffrey for K. Hunt +8 and C. Newton for A. Smith +4. 


The final week of the regular season is upon us!  Get those waivers in!

The Latex Industry is Booming!

It only seems fitting in a season where we are seeing record low scoring numbers that we would have the 6^th highest single week score in Sacred Sundays history.  Makes perfect sense with the topsy-turvy and unpredictable way this season has gone.  But big congrats to Vandelay Industries for posting a monstrous 144 points and claiming a first Weekly High Score Prize!  Rob got there thanks to huge games from Antonio Brown (32 pts), Jacksonville (25 pts), LeSean McCoy (24 pts), Alvin Kamara (19 pts) and Matt Stafford (17 pts).  There was only one player on the Vandelay roster who scored in single digits (Kyle Rudolph, 5 pts).  That is how you do that!  This is the highest score posted since the Midnight Maulers had 150 in Week 4 last season.  Nicely done sir!

The victory for Vandelay Industries marks the seventh team to claim a Weekly High Score Prize this season, and secures them a spot in the playoffs.  One more victory will secure the top spot in the South Division, or a loss from First to Worst and sprouts.  Suffice it to say, Vandelay is in charge heading into the playoffs.  For the rest of the league, amazingly all teams are still alive to make it in, although there are some very specific things which need to happen for a couple teams.  Playoff scenarios are broken down below, along with a check in on the Top 5 Ranks and we hand out the Best Benches for the last three weeks.

Let’s go!

BIG TIME!

• Antonio Brown, WR – Vandelay Industries – 32 pts – Brown had the second 3-TD game of his career, and he did it by catching 10 passes for 144 yards.  This puts Brown in the top WR spot in fantasy, four points better than DeAndre Hopkins.
• Keenan Allen, WR – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 30 pts – Let’s hear it for the wide receivers this week!  Allen had by far his best game of the season, snagging 12 catches for 159 yards and 2 TD’s.
• Russell Wilson, QB – American BadAss – 30 pts – Wilson did a bit of everything, throwing for 258 yards and 2 TD’s, plus rushing for 86 yards and another TD.  He did have an interception and lost a fumble, so it wasn’t all roses.  But this was the third time he has scored over 30 points in a game, and it moves him into the top spot for all fantasy scoring.
• Ben Roethlisberger, QB – Joe’s Pats – 28 pts – Big Ben tossed four TD passes to go along with 299 passing yards and zero interceptions.  (Pretty much all of that to Antonio).
• Baltimore, DEF – Longshanks – 27 pts – The Ravens just embarrassed the Packers by shutting them out at home, and getting 5 turnovers and 6 sacks.  Boom.
• Kenny Stills, WR – Free Agent – 27 pts – Once Jay Cutler left the game, Stills went off!  He had only 26 yards with Cutler under center, but finished with 180 yards and a TD after Matt Moore took over.

COME ON MAN

• Greg Zuerlein, K – Longshanks – 1 pt – The Leg had been brilliant in his last three games, scoring 17 points in each one.  But the Rams offense gave him few opportunities in this one, and he finished with one single, solitary extra point.
• Emmanuel Sanders, WR – First to Worst – 1 pt – Sanders was targeted 8 times, but only managed 2 catches for 15 yards.
• Kenyan Drake, RB – Joe’s Pats – 1 pt – Drake had 7 rushes for 4 yards and 1 catch for 10 yards.  Actually not bad for a guy coming into the week averaging 2.7 points per week.
• Los Angeles Rams, DEF – Joe’s Pats – 1 pt – The Rams had been hot coming into this game, averaging 17 points per game over their last four, but they kinda sucked in this one.
• Evan Engram, TE – sprouts – 0 pts – Several drops plus an offensive pass interference call left Engram with only 1 catch (on 6 targets) for 9 yards.  Sheesh.
• Nelson Agholor, WR – sprouts – 0 pts – Agholor finished with 1 catch for -2 yards, and unfortunately had a touchdown called back.  But still..one catch for -2 yards?  What the hell?
• Jason Witten, TE – American BadAss – 0 pts – Witten has done a whole lot of nothing over his last four games, having scored only 8 points in that span and been shut out twice.
• Zach Ertz, TE – Coors Light Drunk Guys – 0 pts – Ertz caught just 2 of 5 passes for only 8 yards, making this his second week in a row with zero points.
• Dak Prescott, QB – American BadAss – -2 pts – Dak was responsible for 4 turnovers against the Eagles… three picks and one fumble returned for a TD.  Worst game of the year for him by far.

TOP 5’s

Here is how the preseason predictions by Yahoo! are doing versus reality, 11 weeks in:

	Top 5 Ranks per Yahoo!
	QB	as of 9/5/17	After Week 11 (11/20/17)
1	Aaron Rodgers		Russell Wilson Sea	22.7
2	Tom Brady		Tom Brady NE	20.9
3	Drew Brees		Carson Wentz Phi	20.4
4	Russell Wilson		Alex Smith KC	19
5	Matt Ryan		Kirk Cousins Was	18.8
RB
1	David Johnson		Todd Gurley II LAR	17.2
2	Le'Veon Bell		Kareem Hunt KC	14.9
3	LeSean McCoy		Ezekiel Elliott Dal	14.8
4	Melvin Gordon		Le'Veon Bell Pit	14.1
5	Devonta Freeman		Mark Ingram NO	13.6
WR
1	Antonio Brown		Antonio Brown Pit	14.4
2	Julio Jones		DeAndre Hopkins Hou	14
3	Odell Beckham, Jr.		Adam Thielen Min	10.7
4	Mike Evans		A.J. Green Cin	10.7
5	A.J. Green		Brandin Cooks NE	9.9
TE
1	Rob Gronkowski		Travis Kelce KC	9.8
2	Travis Kelce		Rob Gronkowski NE	8.8
3	Greg Olsen		Zach Ertz Phi	8.3
4	Jordan Reed		Jimmy Graham Sea	8
5	Jimmy Graham		Evan Engram NYG	7.2
DEF
1	Denver		Jacksonville Jax	15.3
2	Seattle		Baltimore Bal	14.5
3	Houston		Los Angeles LAR	12.3
4	Kansas City		Detroit Det	12.1
5	Minnesota		Philadelphia Phi	11.3
K
1	Stephen Gostkowski		Greg Zuerlein LAR	13.2
2	Justin Tucker		Stephen Gostkowski NE	11.6
3	Matt Bryant		Wil Lutz NO	10.9
4	Dan Bailey		Matt Prater Det	10.6
5	Mason Crosby		Ryan Succop Ten	10.4

Of 30 ranked players, nine are still in the Top 5.  Amazingly, the best position for the predictions is Tight End, where three of the top five are actually in the Top 5.

PLAYOFFS??!  DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!

Here we are with only two weeks left of the regular season and all teams still have a shot to get into the playoffs.  Yes you read that right.  Before delving in to the scenarios, a quick recap on the playoff rules and tiebreakers:

Rules

-         -The top six teams will qualify for the playoffs.

-         -The top two in each division automatically qualify, with the top team in each division receiving a first round bye.

-         -The remaining two spots are wildcards and are awarded irrespective of division to the next two highest teams (i.e. both wildcards can come from the same division).

Tie-breakers

-         -Divisional Standing Tie-breakers: 1) Overall record, 2) Divisional record, 3) Head-to-Head record, 4) Points scored, 5) Coin flip

-         -Wildcard Tie-breakers: 1) Overall record, 2) Head-to-head record, 3) Points scored, 4) Coin flip.

-         -Playoff Game Tiebreakers – In the playoffs prior to the championship game any tie game goes to the higher seeded team.  In the championship game, a tie will be settled in the following manner:  1) Team with the higher scoring quarterback wins, 2) Team with the higher scoring running back wins, 3) Team with the higher scoring wide receiver wins, 4) If still tied, co-champions will be declared.

Additional Notes

-         -Weekly High Score Prizes extend through the playoffs and ALL teams are eligible to win.

-         -For final standings – Playoff games will determine the final standings for teams #1-6, and #7-10 will be determined by the rankings at the conclusion of Week 13.

On to the team-by-team scenarios.  The scenarios laid out are potential paths for teams to qualify for the playoffs outright, without needing any tie-breakers.  We will cross the tie-breaker bridge when (if) needed…

Already qualified:

Vandelay Industries and Bubble Craps Bandits – It’s just a matter of if they will be the top seed or not.

In the Driver’s Seat: 

Win one of two remaining games:

Joe’s Pats

First to Worst

sprouts

Slightly Tougher Road:

Coors Light Drunk Guys – Win both remaining games, OR Win one game PLUS two losses from American BadAss, one loss from Finders Keepers and one loss from Longshanks.

American BadAss – Win both remaining games, OR Win one game PLUS two losses from Coors Light Drunk Guys, one loss from Longshanks and one loss from Finders Keepers.

The Door is Cracked Ever So Slightly:

Longshanks – Win two remaining games PLUS two losses from American BadAss, two losses from Coors Light Drunk Guys and one loss from Finders Keepers.

So You’re Telling Me There’s A Chance:

Young Guns – Of the 10 remaining matchups left in the regular season, 8 of these have to go right for Young Guns to qualify.  First they need to win both of their remaining games.  Then in Week 12, the following teams need to win:  Longshanks, First to Worst and Bubble Craps Bandits.  Finally in Week 13, the following teams need to win:  First to Worst, sprouts and Vandelay Industries.

Remember there are additional scenarios which can play out where it will come down to tie-breakers… these listed above qualify each team outright with no tie-breakers.  Next week I’ll have full scenarios with tie-breaker breakdowns.

URBAN DICTIONARY UPDATE

Poseidon’s Kiss – When the water splashes up from the toilet onto your butt from your poop dropping in the water.

Tequila – A Spanish word meaning “I don’t remember doing that”.

Antistalking – Methodically learning another person’s routine in order to systematically avoid them.

BEST BENCH

Weeks 9 and 10 saw two first time Best Bench winners.  In Week 9, Timmy’s Bubble Craps Bandits took the honor with a four man swap for a +22 point improvement.  In Week 10, Shawn’s Coors Light Drunk Guys had a +35 point improvement with a three man swap.

This week’s Best Bench outdid both of those, with a solid +38 point improvement possibility on 3 player swaps.  The Week 11 Best Bench goes to… American BadAss!  Jason claims his third Best Bench of the season, and just needed to swap R. Wilson for D. Prescott (+32), Pittsburgh for Detroit (+5) and J. Williams for M. Lynch (+1).

Final push to the playoffs!!